The Mail Box

[chiquezee]

F -

 

I didn't mean to hurt you. Sometimes technology robs the emotion from well meaning replies. The message is clear, though. I have gone so far away, that to return is impossible. I cannot find my way anymore. Or maybe, I do not want to find my way back anymore.

 

As I was settled in my seat a few miles above sea level, as the pressure temporarily deafened my ears, an image of your face came to mind. I didn't brush it away. I allowed it to stay and I tried to invite other images to join it. And like my presentations in mac's keynote, it transitioned from grid to grid. But there was no oomph... No animation effects, no lights, no textures, no volume, no magic. There was nothing. Like photos in sepia, they have aged with time. Old. Bland. Flat.

 

What remained, unfortunately, was the bitterness of betrayal. That is so real until now. To forgive does not mean to forget. Experts would say that to even allow you to continue to be a friend is madness. But here I am, not turning my back on you, but I'm not going any nearer.

 

If you do not want to communicate with me anymore, that is your choice. I have lost any sentiment towards you to feel anything about how you react or do not react to me. No, I am not unfeeling. You of all, should know that. I cannot deny that there are moments of unexplainable weakness when my eyes get damp when I recall the events that shook my make-believe world of candy-walls and choco-fountains, glittering windows and gold-plated tiles. But not when I recall you.

 

I have finally reached that point where I realize that how your life turns out is no longer my business. I have done more than enough, all those years. Far more.

 

If anything, you have left your mark on me. I am having a difficult time trusting even those I want to trust. I have developed an automated self-protecting system that sounds an alarm when even a slight hint of doubt creeps in. Iron bars wheel out and cage me in. No body can come near me.

 

Most of all, not you.

 

 

- me

 

 

p.s. When you are trans-posted in this very country where I am in now, I hope you find what you're looking for. You will still be in my prayers. That is the most I can do.

[sha79]

youre just telling me a lot of things..

things that wont come true.You're just making me to believe of ur kindness.

..let me go.

[KristinLavransdatr]

d,

 

i did something bad today. i made a curious experiment on someone who didn't know it was an experiement. you know -- the dress, the heels, the hair, the trying-to-be-dumb-but-couldn't attitude, the hem that moved up when i turned this way and that, the compliments, the attention...

 

his talk of secret fantasies came alive to a captive me, because he thought i was naive and could be talked into sinning or into an afternoon delight. but it was orgasmic seeing him wanting it but couldn't have it. wouldn't dare talk about it. the eyes that dared him to say a word, the same eyes that warned him not. were mine.

 

he seemed to have been too used to one type. but he should have prepared for something different. tsk!

 

i'm sorry. i won't do it again.

 

h

Edited May 9, 2007 by KristinLavransdatr

[extrarice3]

I LOVE YOU

 

Who, with hopeful eyes and a steady hand,

Inscribed these three words on the sands

 

Who, still holding to tender hope,

Adorned the words with soft-colored shells

 

Finally, there must have been a sad hearted boy

Who set down coral sticks and rounded them with white pebbles

So that whoever passes by

Is stained with nameless musing.

[extrarice3]

Kayo,

 

Mangingialam na naman kayo sa eleksyon namin?

 

Kami.

[sweetie]

aba aba aba..

 

anu yang nababalitaan ko sa yo..

 

ikaw ah..

 

[chiquezee]

For you.

 

I'm very sure

this never happened to me before

I met you and now I'm sure

This never happened before

Now I see

this is the way it's supposed to be

I met you

and now I see,

this is the way it should be

This is the way it should be

for lovers

They shouldn't go it alone

Its not so good when you're on your own

So come to me,

Now we can be what we want to be

I love you

and now I see

This is the way it should be.

 

This is the way it should be for lovers.

[naked_angel]

dear you who-cause-me-heartaches-and-nightmares:

 

 

this is the only time i will thank you and your minions.

you have given me the chance to get to know discover some things.

for a moment there you made me smile and tell myself, yeah it was fun.

and worth everything and it seemed right at that time. i still think it is right.

but the gods think otherwise.

for a moment there, you've managed to transform the word 'love' into a

reality. my reality.

so thanks to you. for the memories, time, chance, relationships built,

relationships shattered, relationships in limbo, friendships formed and destroyed.

confirmations, affirmations, shallow people, loving ones...

and for the gift of that someone, who, in spite of the touch and go show of

feelings, seem to want to stick around.

 

to the other you: we could all have gotten along very well. but you never gave it a chance.

but come to think of it, if not for you, things wouldn't have happened. you gave everything a push

and here we are now.

 

and finally you: i wish i could say i believe you now like i believed you then. you see i believe the wind exists because i feel it even though i don't see it. let's just say make me feel and let me see, then i'll believe...

not that it matters to you, i guess. there are others out there, right?

 

 

there. happy thoughts everyone. god knows we all deserve to have a bit of them everyday.

 

 

me

[simon b]

masarap na kape

di inasukalan

magandang mukha

ansarap tingnan

 

nakakatulala

at nakakaaliw

kundi mag-iingat

baka mabaliw...

[chipmaker]

hey you,

 

remember this song...

 

Want to but I can't help it

I love the way you feel

just kinda stuck between my fantasy and what is real

I needed when I want it

I want it when I don't

tell myself I stop every day

knowing that I won't

 

I got a problem and I don't know what to do about it

even If I did I don't know If I would quit but I doubt it I’m

taking by the thought of it

And I know this much is true

 

[chorus]

baby you have become my addiction

I’m so strung out on you

I can barely move

but I like it

and it's all because of you

all because of you

and it's all because of you

all because of you

and it's all because of you

all because of you

and it's all because of you

never get enough

she’s the sweetest drugs

think of it every second

I can get nothing done

only concern is the next time I’m gon get me some

know I should stay away from

cause its no good for me

I try and try but my obsession wont let me leave

 

I got a problem and I don't know what to do about it

even If I did I don't know If I would quit but I doubt it I’m

taking by the thought of it

And I know this much is true

 

[chorus]

baby you have become my addiction

I am so strung out on you

I can barely move

but I like it

and it's all because of you

all because of you

and it's all because of you

all because of you

and it's all because of you

all because of you

and it's all because of you

never get enough

she is so sweet as drugs

 

ain't no doubt

so strung out

ain't no doubt

so strung out

over you

over you

 

because of you

and it's all because of you

never get enough

she is so sweet as drugs

 

i love the way you move, baby.

 

Edited May 9, 2007 by chipmaker

[preacher]

As I was walking to the mall yesterday afternoon, I suddenly felt the familiar flirtations of the rain. Like it was right on cue, I got to read your first message in God knows how long right before the rain touched me again. It's a bitter sweet sensation mixed with the smell of the ground. It was filling my head with vapors coming up from the earth. It was intoxicating. It was erotic. It was depressing. Having known of what pleasures we could gain yet could not find the venue to exchange the carnal knowledge we have held back for so long. It was agony. It still is. Man has always reached farther than they can grasp. This will always be our bane. I imagine you playfully writhing under the sheets in all your naked glory, while I slide in and enjoy every crevice you have to offer. This may be all folly. But it will be my folly till we can remedy the situation. Until then, I wait under the heavens. For the rain. For you. It doesn't matter which will come first. I'll be gratefull with what I can get.

[chiquezee]

I am swallowing my words. I might choke, but that's what I get for the obnoxiousness.

Ok, so I admit, I don't do very well as a figment of any one's imagination. I try, though. I have been attempting to drift in and out unnoticed. Like a mirage in an oasis. I've been trying to, really, not just for your sake but for the others'. Unfortunately, I'm not succeeding very well. I apparently take form, without my wanting to. Inevitable consequence of having substantiated an existence.

 

But so all is fair, the attempt to be merely an imagination remains. Don't believe everything you set your eyes on. For all you know, there may be something far more beautiful in the withheld reality. Far more.

[facialfrankie]

it's unavoidable. highly predictable. i'm a sucker for damsels in undress. i mean, distress. and so i dash into the dark, riding my bike to banish her dragons. yes, pitiful and pathetic. me. not her. unappreciated and avoided, yet still at it.

[chiquezee]

Operational words:

 

snug fit

divine dawn

no complaints

across borders

going home

 

... mine

... yours

 

And when words will not suffice, just hum.

 

Hmm hmm hmm hmm. Humhmm humm hmmm.

That's the cure. Sure hit.

 

Do I really have to sing it out loud?

 

You know. You know.

 

So we stop the world.

 

 

- C

[chiquezee]

Dear M,

 

If I knew how to get in touch with you, I would have.

 

I'm sinking. For the life of me, I need an anchor. The tangible type of rusted but trusted heavy tons of iron and steel.

 

Thoughts want to spew out of me like fire that engulfs forests. I'm in danger zone. And I ain't even moving an inch. Trouble gravitates towards me. Still, I ain't budging. I am paralyzed by my attitude of resignation. I think to myself, let them come, after all wherever I go, they will come. I'll handle these. I'll take care of these. I'll get out with a couple of bruises, sure, but I'll come out alive. Thus, here I am. I'm sinking with the heavy burden of choice that I didn't have to choose for myself.

 

In this world, it can never be that other people's choices will affect them alone. There will always be somebody who will be swinging along, even unintentionally. That's how it goes. Matter of relativity. In my case, I put myself where I am. No one to take the blame save for me.

 

Thing is I knew it was gonna get to this point. I was told that before the rains come, it will have to cease. I never acknowledged that articulated thought. But it loomed above me like a menacing shadow that followed me especially during the brightest days. Now the rain clouds are floating by, taking their positions in my sky...

 

Reality check, sis. I can't avoid the truth that I allowed it. I wanted what apparently I couldn't have. And it yielded, to my surprise. Everything else is happiness, afterwards. And this.

 

Cruel.

 

In my mind, I know that everything was temporary. It was never both parties' intention to forge alliances. But humanity took over. And now, I suffer. Both, actually. Or so it was claimed, and I see no reason to doubt the claim.

 

In my mind, I know I don't deserve another season of snow and hale. But it has been autumn in my forest and the flakes shall come soon... I will freeze... to my death. All else will be for naught. That appears to be my fate.

 

I wanna say I'll wait. But it was not asked of me. But deep inside I know I shall wait, until the end of my hundred years of solitude beckons me home.

 

 

 

Haven't I not given up so much already?

Why take this away from me?

That which was said to be mine...

 

 

 

- C

 

 

p.s. If we end up together, the nation shall be the one, I shall be the other.

(Maybe it shall be the case on my side too, but I am a woman, and I can do a trapeze act.)

Edited May 11, 2007 by chiquezee

[chiquezee]

I used to think maybe you love me. But now I am sure. No doubt, sweetheart.

[extrarice3]

its been to many nights

of being with

 

 

to now be suddenly

without

[diDdLe^dEaD]

BALIKAN MO AKO! BALIKAN MO AKO! BALIKAN MO AKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

 

PLEASE? :cry:

[Tank Girl]

why cant you stop giving me the eye and just hold me.

[teio]

Again, you left me dazed and confused. After I crossed street, you were walking towards me. I do not know why I stooped down and did not even greet you. Maybe it is the regret I am still feeling when I realized I was too late to make you mine.

 

Dolled up, you wore as if you were going on a date. An afternoon date that is since the clock just struck half past eleven. Suddenly I was thinking wayward - things that I am trying not think about and could not take if they were true.

 

You are too good to be one.

 

I sent you a SMS but you have yet to reply. I now fear that what I am trying not to think about you is true.

 

Dazed and confused, that is what I feel right now.

[simon b]

hey,

 

somebody sent me mechado. i cant go to the party so they sent me food.

smells good, looks good. with dinurado rice too! i was actually looking forward to tuna sisig to go with cold, cold beer

but this really smells real good. i'm about to devour this and then i remember you...what are you having for dinner? with who?

well, i hope you are having fun.

 

looking at your soft face...wondering, will you eat with me like this? in front of the vaio, amidst sheets of paper and folders and paints and brushes...

me, in 3-day stubble, week old levi's, fila sandals...

you, in a soft flowing sun dress, smiling, with soft loving eyes...

 

good food has this dreamy effect on me...

 

first bite is for you...

 

s

[Guest bleeding_angel]

you,

 

i said sorry... believe that i mean it.

 

me

[chipmaker]

 

naisip ko, di ko pala dapat binibigyan pansin pa ang mga taong tulad nya.

 

 

happy weekend sa lahat!

 

 

remember, it's better to have happiness in your heart, kesa puro galit at paninira sa ibang tao ang laman ng puso natin.

 

Edited May 11, 2007 by chipmaker

[David Aames]

Dear X

 

These past few weeks have been difficult for both us. The years that we've spent together seems to have vanished just like that. I've given you everything that you asked of me, even if it was the impossible thing at that time, still i did. All the tongue lashing you gave me, all the harsh words you've given me, salvo after salvo, i kept quiet... through the years its always been like that, we'd break up and make up, still the same thing. But this time it was different. I just couldn't take it anymore, the baseless accusations, the countless tongue lashing, the disrespectful discourse, when you said it was over i believed it. I accepted it, i resigned to the fact that we're done... over with.

 

Then someone came, took care of me, gave me the devotion that you should have given me. Showed me love, showed me everything, treated me right and respected me. In short i fell in love with her. We fell in love with one another. I am happy at last... it was so nice to be loved like this. So wonderful to talk countless hours on things that really interests me. I found my better half in her.

 

I'm sorry if we didn't make it, even if you said you didn't mean the break up and you were hoping still that we would patch things up like we use to. We can't do that anymore, i gave my broken heart to someone else who fixed it even. It would be unfair for her for me just to leave her and get back with you. I love her, i don't love you like that anymore. I am really sorry if only i knew you still love me, but i didn't know... i didn't know. I guess its better this way, i know its difficult for you but i'm still here as your friend. I never intended to replace you that fast or fall in love...

 

I am sorry we didn't make it. I am sorry i fell out of love... I am sorry i didn't make it. Love was never a problem.

[Wyld]

peter pan:

 

in the same way that the rain just disappears onto the ground after pouring down from the heavens, in the same way that dust blows away in the wind, in the same way that scents fade after a while... everything you say or do has just ceased to have any effect on me. at all. i hope you are not dense enough to know what that means.

 

see this is what happened - i realized just exactly what you were. just how totally childish you are. how totally without substance you are. how you start things and never follow through.... i could go on and on but this just about covers it. i had respect for you but your subsequent actions took that away. your lies took that away... and now ... theres just nothing there.

 

so say what you want. throw all the stones that you want. hurl them even... its okay ... they wont hurt one bit because ... in the end... theyre not really there after all. youre not really there after all. i doubt if you even know who or what you are...and yeah, if it pleases you to paint the nastiest picture of me you can ever paint to other people, go right ahead... when have i ever cared what other people thought of me anyway?

 

i hope in time you find out who you are, what you want and where youre headed to, because inspite of your grand pronouncements... you just dont know. and thats sad... because its all fancy wrappings and trappings where youre concerned. all the material possessions, all the success, all the quick lays, all the fun that you seem to have now - dont mean a thing when you dont know who you are and what you stand for.

 

-w

 

oh... one last thing. i now know and understand why what happened before happened.

 

Edited May 11, 2007 by Wyld