The Mail Box

[de hunter]

Alam kong dumadalaw ka pa rin dito, Ito'y para sa iyo.

 

ako'y naglilinis ng inbox aking ng di sinasadyang mabuksan ko itong email mo sa akin,

 

isa ito sa mga pangungusap mo;

 

<<<Mahal ka ng Diyos na si Hesus Kristo. He die for us for our sins. ibinigay niya ang kanyang buhay para sa iyo sa akin at sa lahat>>>

 

kaya pala di ka nangiming gumawa ng nakadidiring kasalanan.

 

paki usap.... huwag mong gamitin ang diyos para maniwala ang tao sa inyo.

 

MANGILABOT KA!!!

Edited January 1, 2005 by de hunter

[arrow]

to my fu$#@in boss,

 

sawang sawa na ko sa mga angals mo!nakakarindi na mga sermon mo!

magbago na tayo ha...,new year na.

sge na...lambing ko na yan!!!!!

 

nagmamahal,

arrow

[Grimace]

THank you lord for giving me a wonderful boyfriend and understanding at that....thank you for all the men who are supportive of me and their pms and their praises really help me go make another thread. thank you lord for giving me wonderful nice friends who know first hand and not judge me by the way i write....i have lost some and i'm wiser now...

[arrow]

my long battlecry:::

 

 

SHE SAID:

 

 

 

i nver wnted to take that long bumpy road to love..i nevr imagined myself walking thru the wilderness of it..appreciating its natural beauty and acpting the flaws behind it..ur constant invitation arouse the little devil in me to take the trip and enjoy the adventure that awaits ahead..as i started the journey, i saw a couple of my friends walking bck..with disturbed eyes and sad faces.their shirts torned and jeans ripped as if a beast just attacked them, i wanna run to them and hold them but they were so lost that they cant figure out who am i..as i turn my back, u held my hand and promised me that never will i experience the same grief.u know the trail by heart, u can guide me and together we will reach the end without a sweat..i bowed my head and closed my eyes as i take your hand and put away all the fears i have..the first few stops were awesome, there were so many stories unfold, jokes shared, emotions unveiled..as we go deep down the forest, we saw familiar faces..they were bruised and badly beaten but unlike the others, they carry a smile on their faces..someone's attending to them, nursing their wounds as they whisper gentle words to the wounded soul.u gave me a pat in the shoulder reassuring me that everythings gonna be alright..we continued with our own journey..walked hand by hand, sang songs, laughed heartily..i was so enthralled by what im seeing that i never noticed that i wasnt holding your hand anymore..the night is growing darker..im scared that a beast is lurking in the dark ready to attack me..tears are freely flowing drenching every inch of my bone i remembered ur promise but the words were drowned by the echos of the mountains...i helplessly sat and curled like a homeless orphan..i shouldnt have taken this unfamiliar way..the night seems to take forever..its been a long lonely night full of grief and regrets..as i opened my eyes, i felt the warmth of the sunshine touching my face and then i saw you standing with your arms open..i wanna run away from you, i dont wanna feel the warmth of your hug coz it betrays me..i ran as far as i cud but you seem to be following me and then i stumbled.you reached my hand and squeezed me to the very soul of my heart.u said u were lost when u noticed that im nowhere to be found..i saw the concern in ur face and that touched my very being..for the second time, i took ur hand and entrusted my lyf to u..you were far more careful this time, u never leave me not even a single glance.as we walked through the woods, a storm came..it was a long cold night..i wanna close my eyes and shove away the nightmares of yesterday.i want the storm to stop..

 

 

 

 

 

HE SAID:

 

 

 

No one ever said that there is an easy way, as I constantly remind you since we took the first step on life that I believe full of enchantments and adventure and I thought you completely understand. But as we journey, you always keep telling me bout what you see.., them with their disturbed eyes and sad faces who’s taking the opposite direction. You always reminds me of them as you lossen your hands and tends to turn back. But instead, I held your hands with a passionate grip and tell you that I have no idea what they been through and promise you that we will not share the same faith as they are. Every step we took is every confident I gained about you and your outlook in our journey. We laughed, share stories and we were both happy, but I was blinded bout what I feel thinking that you could stand and walk alone without me telling you where and how to take each step, all along I thought you’re in my side, but it was too late for me to realized that you are gone. I was devastated as if you were completely gone in my life. I don’t know what I must do, all I can think of is why did you ran away? I sat and begun to think about you, all the moment we shared and it somehow gave me strength and cleared my mind and begin to think that I can’t let this happen. I searched for you all night and all I can see is my past.., my demons, inviting me once again and making a promise that I don’t have to suffer like this and making a promise that I can be happy with them, forever. I almost gave in to their invitation but my faith in love makes me feel that the word forever and happiness only exist with you. I continue to search for you and finally the light of day guide me back to you. But as you saw me you immediately run, but you stumble. I held your hand and hug you. Before I could speak, you ask me where did you go? That’s the same question that I wanted to ask you. Now I understand that you didn’t run away, that’s when I realized that I walked too fast that I didn’t notice I leaved you behind. I told you I was lost and I’m sorry, because I know its my fault for not seeing that your not ready to walk alone in unfamiliar world. And for the second time you took my hand. That’s the time when were both sensitive and too concerned to each other. As we walk again, you told me that a storm is coming, I told you that it was only a rain, but in the first sign of lightning, you panicked and tried to unwrap my hands and tends to go back. You said it’s not your nature to journey with such risk. I beg you to stay and told you that when it rains, it is normal to have a lightning. You looked at me with doubt in your eyes but firmly grip my hands. But as the thunder roars, you ran away as if you were racing to the sound of it so that you won’t hear it. I followed you and find you standing on your back, I held your shoulder and told you that it’s ok.., I’m here. You told me that this is not your world, you told me that this is too much for you, you told me that you just can’t continue anymore because you think that you’re just a burden to me, and you don’t want me to carry you all along. I kneel down for you to stay and continue our journey, and I assure you that you are not a burden but my strength.., it’s you that keeps me going .., nothing else. But you walked away; you walked back as if you didn’t hear my words. You didn’t even turn your back and didn’t bother to look at kneeling down on sharp stones and grasses that my blood seems to understand my feelings that it rushes on the ground trying to touch your feet, but it was too late, you walked back and the thick rain blinded my eyes that I can’t see you anymore. I stayed there for hours hoping you’ll be back. But you didn’t all I can see is people looking at me and their partners assuring them that it wont happen to them as they bravely cross the storm. As they passed, I realized that those people we saw walking back with disturbed eyes and sad faces, torn shirts and ripped jeans…, that no!, they are not a victim of love, they are not those who pursue happiness. They are quitters that instead of continuing, they turn back because of their fears and afraid of the risk. They are those people who can’t understand the reality of life. And I picture you exactly as those people we saw. As I think of this, I stood up and isolate myself to my newly found cave. And no!!! I am not going back to be those people you pity before.., people like you now. I’ll stay here and hoping somebody will find me. I just hope you came back and look for me before somebody finds me.

[HerShadow]

R,

 

those songs of us torture me night and day.... they seemed to be following me... along with the memories...

 

just when i thought my heart was broken... it's been torn apart into smaller pieces... over and over and over... how much more i could take the pain is beyond me....

 

i should pour these all out to you... people say it's the right thing to do.... everyone around me says you should get what you deserve... pounds of pain.... torrent of words that are my emotions...

 

but i just can't... i tried but i can't seem to discover anger... can't seem to discover the desire to hurt you... i'm an emotional spendthrift they say.... a masochist of feelings... but that's how i am... up until now and despite everything i've been through... i still can't believe any reason for which one would hurt anyone he cared for....

 

i'm tired of crying... of trying to decipher why and how... sometimes i spend hours just staring into space....

 

been out and about the past few weeks worrying... drowning in my suspicions.... thinking of my greatest fear nowadays... and you easily just brush all those as plain paranoia...

 

i can't help but thinking if for once you sincerely cared for me... for now, not even a trace of your so-called love is left... not in you, not in the air.... and people don't love like that, do they?

 

here i am flailing in misery, while you're busying yourself with your newfound love.... i'm sorry, it's so hard to believe...

that we had spent months of a blissful relationship...

with you telling me that you'd never been happier,

more contented and never felt more ready to finally settle down than when you were with me...

that you'd be asking for my family to know and accept you one day...

and that you'd be breaking up with me two days later...

that you'd have a new girlfriend a week after that...

that you'd have forgotten me even before i realized what's happening..

that there are people like you who could not only break my heart...

but trample my self-esteem...

and take away all the hope that's left in me...

 

you did not break my heart... for you knew it hasn't even healed when you came...

you just made me believe you'd help me heal...

when all you did was tear my broken heart into smaller pieces...

in the most painful way possible....

and i have to admit that sometimes, it feels worse than dead...

because i'm alive...

 

i do not wish to die.... i just wish that during my lowest points, i just wouldn't feel anything...

you want me to be ok.... as well as everyone else...

the difference is everyone understands my struggle... and you don't....

you can't seem to comprehend why i'm not moving on....

because your definition of moving on is having another relationship in a matter of days...

your definition of being ok is totally forgetting in a couple of weeks....

and us being friends as if nothing happened....

 

R, don't expect me to be ok.... even if i want to, i can't...

i know i would be, eventually, but i don't know when...

and definitely i won't do moving on with somebody else's arms around me...

don't expect me to do what you're doing...

you can't expect me to be doing something that is currently killing me...

i'm not like that...

it's just not in me....

 

and sadly.... very sadly... it is so you...

 

A

[Barenaked-NoMre]

My CPO,

 

Sorry that I wasnt honest with you about going to the EB.

 

I now know how these things could upset you.

 

Am glad we are now ok.

 

It was awful when we met the day after the EB ... but werent really "together".

 

Hope you will be a little more direct with me about how you want things to go ... where WE are concerned. Am not a mind reader.

 

Thank you for your friendship, concern and taking good care of me when we're together!

 

Am always here,

 

A

[Barenaked-NoMre]

Mr JB,

 

I was shocked to see you at the EB. Good thing I had 2 bottles of San Mig Lite in me to give me that courage to approach and greet you.

 

Am glad that we were able to make PEACE before the year ended. ;-)

 

Hope you're happy and well where you are now.

 

I always wish you the best!

 

A

[gen_g]

at this supposed "moment" in time....thinking...feeling...self revealing? fantasies, realities within.........searching, hoping for the better...the contentment, the peace.............will it ever come true?

[Guest chunky]

Thus the wheel turns for the Grand One

 

Thus the visions shall come to pass

 

For each gear are the stars and Sun

 

and for the One shall come forth the Lass...

[Guest dopleganger]

S,

 

You are young, you're forgeting that again. Don't rush.

Your emotions are bungled up again, but then again they always are whenever you take those pills.

Let's not hurt anyone, least of all yourself.

 

D

[forbidden]

i'll sit and look up at the stars tonight

and stay this way till the dawn

for the day brings no comfort till twilight

hope's in the darkness beyond

 

and while i sit - becoming miniscule

the icy wind comforting

a blanket of numbness shielding my heart

my pain begins its drifting

 

when hazy blue of dawn is gone - i'll sleep

while misery is searching

and through my slumber misery's deceived

wake in the hope twilight brings

 

 

 

I hate this feeling of restlesness. I hate this feeling of being singularly wanting. I'm not in touch. No longer feeling. Numb tonight - numb this morning. Here is the dawn...now to sleep and cheat misery, which rides in on the sunlight - till Friday only.

 

Sometimes in a sea of people, you are still just terribly alone

[forbidden]

the heavens are mean, because all the beauty of the stars are beyond our reach.

 

and it's tremendous power is masked by distractions...

 

...without the sound of the crickets or the breeze shaking up the leaves, or the waves slapping the continent's ass - in absolute total silence - the night sky would be so voilently loud and overwhelming that it would probably knock the sanity out of us if we stared at it too long.

[Anne-Ton]

I thought I was over you,

That's how it all seems.

But I keep going back,

To crush my own dreams.

 

You fed me so many lines,

That weren't even true.

I can't stay away,

I don't know what to do.

 

You broke my heart once,

You broke my heart twice.

I guess it all depended,

On the roll of the dice.

 

I'm scared that I'll be hurt,

Again like before.

I don't think,

I can hurt anymore.

 

I know this is short,

But there's no more to say.

Just to pray and hope,

You'll love me back one day.

[gen_g]

the cold............awakening the senses and the mind...but yet the tired mind and weary heart still goes on...

[Grimace]

 

To Lendell,

 

There will never be darkness because in both of us there's always movement, renewal, surprises. I have never known stagnation. Not even introspection has been a still experience.With you one goes so far away from reality that it is almost necessary to buy a return ticket. I am afraid never to come back here........

 

i love you..