The Mail Box

[gen_g]

im surfing at undeciding...going with flow...generally living normally but then questioning as to where it will all lead to....

[kookai_01]

ei beyb, i'm still missin you... and loving you... so much that it hurts... i'm so sorry.

[Guest temperamental]

D,

 

I enjoy talking with you.

I enjoy "harrassing" you

I can proudly say that I have mastered the art of multi-tasking because of you.

Thanks for making my nights livelier.

Thank you FRIEND

 

R

 

P.S. Now, don't you go about asking me who the hell D is

[missmanners]

i found it hilarious when you said you were jealous of someone i'd never even met. i wanted to laugh at you and hug you at the same time. i wanted to tell you not to worry because i'm really not interested. but the truth is, i don't think that's the reassurance you need to hear. i think you need to hear that i'm falling for you too. that i feel wonderful being around you. that painting that stupid ceramic bowl with you was the most fun i've had in ages. that staying in bed with you doing nothing and staring at the ceiling is sometihing i'd rather do than be at a really loud party getting sloshed. that i really appreciated you being home, waiting for me and then not complaining when i just crashed into bed, dizzy and drunk.

 

but i'm not ready to tell you all that. i have a lot of things to figure out. a lot of memories to bury. a lot of issues to resolve. and you've said i like complicating things but that's just the way i am. i just hope that when i've figured things out, you'll still be around. because if there's at least one thing i'm sure of now, it's that i do want you around.

[Zerreit]

I'm at that point again wherein I'd have to make another decision that can make or break me. Do I have what it takes to become a leader? To be followed and to set an example? I don't know.....

 

I think I'm a bit hesitant to take the next step. Maybe I need a little more push. Maybe I need to convince myself a bit more that now is my time to shine. It's my time to show what I'm made of. It's in the blood anyway.

 

Why is it that everything seems more difficult the moment life presents you with a lot of options?

[G T]

pasensya ka na. di ako nakasagot agad sa PM mo. ngayon lang kasi nag log on ulit. nasa byahe ulit.cebu tonight then back to manila tom.

may kasama ako. i'll visit the site once possible. o, eto kiss mo. baka sabihin mo naman nakalimutan ko ulit.mwahhh.hehehe.

[Wyld]

Why does it feel as if you see me as nothing more than an amusement.

 

That was not so before. Are you telling me that much has shifted since?

 

[G T]

the feeling is still the same. siguro its more of how frequent are we communicating right now. may mga times na misinterpreted kasi actions ko eh. bottomline, you're still my dearest.

[Wyld]

So much left unsaid.

Im a bit hesitant to trust what my heart tells me.

I dont know what to think.

[KristinLavransdatr]

michael,

 

after almost five years.

 

could anything be more surreal than the anticipation, the expectation of the old familar?

 

how do i write in words a mosaic of feelings, a catastrophe of time not ticking forward?

 

where do i locate the senses that refuse to acknowledge a present reality in suspended wonder?

 

who computes the warmth from your hand to my palm, the abnormality of white heat that turned to orange numbness?

 

i am a wreck in time, smithereens in space.

 

what you do to me is what i would do to myself if i were a goddess.

 

 

PS:

 

i apologize for the old words that refuse to sound new.

Edited January 13, 2006 by KristinLavransdatr

[G T]

im not sure why are you confused and uncertain of what you feel. you are special and you know that. if i'm messing up your mind, please tell me and i'll do what is necessary to make you be you again.

[Wyld]

I know what I feel...

Thats for sure.

I just want to know WHAT.

Do you get what I mean?

[LostCommand]

Let her go, it is her time. Let nature take her course. Let her be.

 

She taught me Machiavelli, not in words but in deeds, as she deftly maneuvered across the lethal minefields of politics and power. When the schools would only teach the modern philosophers and their peacable musings, she taught me no other than von Clausewitz, that even peace is merely war by other means.

 

While others would wail and pine over a broken heart and love gone astray and other such menial traumas, she guided my initial faltering steps into the high drama of leadership. She taught me to let the simple ones run their simple lives, that is challenge enough for them anyway. On the other hand we have companies, divisions, a province, a country, a whole world of people to run and to keep running. That is what we really live for. She instructed me to leave this love crap for the masses, that I am only to give my heart to my equals...or my betters.

 

It has been a long, long road for her, and her life has crossed mine many times. Always I felt her many burdens, and also her sheer will. And now her will is not anymore with us. Let her rest.

 

Later tonight I will talk with her daughter, and speak as one who knew her well, to let her go.

 

Outside, the sun is setting as I write this, for this is after all a mortal world. Who are we to deny the truth that night must come?

 

She never feared any darkness, anyway.

 

Let her go.

[gen_g]

contentment...hopefully approaching...the trueness is achingly frustrating.............age seems to affects the brain.....the dullness....oh well...

[archon]

You're amazing. You tell me exactly what I need to hear without saying it. Such subtle grace is uncommon. More power to you!

[limpbwisit]

dear friend,

 

I know you may not be able to read this, but I just have to let you know, somehow, what is going on in my head.

 

We have known each other for only a short span of time. And I wouldn't dare claim that I know you more than anyone else. We seldom see each other and when we do, we are pre-occupied by other things. We have different views and at times our minds clash on the most trivial of things. But here I am, listening as you cry your heart out over someone who, at this point, cannot comprehend how much hurt he has done. I listen as you seek an answer to your whys and why nots, though deep in your mind you know no one knows the answer. I keep still as you spill your heart unto me and wish that he would come back to you.

 

I am hurting for you. I am crying with you. And I could understand the pain that stirs you because I, too, was hurt... and hurt really bad... by people whom I have entrusted everything to. I feel for you. And though it may seem that I AM hurting you, you would come to realize that I just wanted you to be better.

 

Look at me, I'm a mess. Is this what you want to turn out to be? Some sorry fellow who can't pull himself together and rebuild his pride? Would you want to be like me, beaten, wary, and alone? No... I would not allow you to fall into the same pits as I did a few months ago. I will do everything I can to save you from the predicament that I am in... You deserve more than to be like me. You deserve to be happy.

 

You can hate me for all I am. But I, a friend, would not want you to scumble to your sorrow. I will not allow pain get the best of you. I am your friend, and it is my duty to let you realize that being hurt doesn't mean hurting yourself.

 

I'm sorry, I may not have the right to say anything. And maybe you're right, I don't know anything about what is going on the background. But I do know one thing, you are hurting. And you shouldn't be.

 

I love you, my dear friend. And if you do need someone to listen to and be honest with you, you know the number to call. I won't be changing numbers anyway.

 

Your friend, Ryan.

[teio]

every time i see your pictures and posts... on your blog... on your cheesy friendster account... pictures with him... of him... posts about how much you love him... how much you adore him... makes me imagine that i was him... now i realize how much i lost... squandered... those four years that you've been near me... that i should not had just let pass... it is only now that i take in... that you meant much more to me... much more... than a friend...

[naked_angel]

Everybody's got a hold on hope, it's the last thing that's holding me...

Edited January 16, 2006 by Naked_Angel

[G T]

yup. i know what you mean. just let your feelings out and we'll see what will happen next.

[curian]

to you,

 

 

when will i see you again? your face is embedded in my mind and your smile haunts me all the time. i don't know you and you don't know me but my soul calls to you and yearns to see again the depths in your eyes. i remember how the light falls on your face and the grae of your movements. i remember the posture you have the first time i laid my eyes on you. there are things that i can never explain and this is it.. i wish to know every mystery that you possess.. so please.. let fate hear this desire.. just a glimpse of you.. one more time...

[Wyld]

Honestly, I think its you who should let your feelings out...

 

I have been open right from the day you reappeared.

 

You, on the other hand are sitting right at the middle.

 

Do I assume that is where you want to be?

 

Edited January 16, 2006 by Wyld

[Guest temperamental]

Regina,

 

What were you thinking???

 

Jealousy is killing you right now.

 

You should have listened to your instincts.

 

He is like your previous bastards.

 

Now you know why he is spending less time with you...

 

He has decided to spend more with her.

 

She who has gotten everyone else's attention.

 

And now he is one of them.

 

You better detox yourself of his presence before it's too late.

Edited January 16, 2006 by temperamental

[archon]

I know my place, which is behind the keyboard. There is no harm in finding inspiration in the unattainable. It just makes dreaming a more vivid experience, which is perfectly fine where I'm sitting.

[Barenaked-NoMre]

I,

 

You were "the only hightlight of 2004 for me", too.

 

Wish it were the same for 2005.

 

A

[missmanners]

i love you.

 

how strange that these words can so easily roll off my tongue again. when only a year ago i thought i would never speak them again. when i thought that whatever "relationship" i thought i had then was as good as it it would ever get.

 

and then you come along. unashamed but not arrogant. holding out a short starbucks cup full of bitter black coffee i would never touch. cold, to boot. i wondered then if we would ever find anything to talk about. but your slacker image was deceiving. there was more to you than your longish hair, your statement tees, your funky sneakers. you read eggers while waiting hours for me to finish work. you never complained. and you even made me laugh. and it's been so long since anyone's done that.

 

and i made it hard. really hard. for you to get close. for you to get to know me. to get the answers you wanted. to get answers, period. but you were persistent. and so patient. and so funny. and so gentle. and so in love. and before long, even dear figaro would purr at the sight of you. and it became easier to hold your hand. almost natural to cling to you. to paint that stupid bowl with you. to spend lazy afternoons in bed making lazy love. i found it suddenly easy to share more of me. my fears and my insecurities. my demands and my sob stories. my tragedies and my embarrassments. my fantasies and my dreams.

 

and then, simply, fully, i said it. you were saying it long before i was. and i know you've been wondering whether i was ever going to say it back. so i finally did. without warning and without fanfare. and at first i thought you didn't even hear me. so i held your hand and looked at you squarely.

 

i love you.

 

you smiled in that way of yours. and i reverted to my brush-off and made light of the moment. but since then, hasn't life been easier to live? surely it's still crappy. but now i have you to laugh with. to complain to. to wipe my tears away. and you have me to listen to your grand plans. to make you laugh when you're down. to inspire you when you need a flash of brilliance for work.

 

so there. now that you know, what's to be done?

 

i think i'd like to slow down. and breathe. let's not rush this. we both still bear scars from the last time we did this. yes, with other people. but i really do want this to be the last time. and you have your kid to think about. and i want kids too. maybe one or two more. maybe another cat. figaro gets lonely. and when we move i don't really want to move closer to the city. i like where we are. so can we just get a bigger place? and a tv and a bigger ref. and definitely a bigger bed. i found it funny how you complained about how small my bed is.

 

even i'm surprised.

 

i really do love you.