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Titikim ka pa rin ba?


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It's part of being human, like it or not.

 

Motives will vary from "just for kicks" to "the need for solace" to "being at the right place and at the right time". At the end of the day, we are fragile and weak and while we strive to be upright and morally correct, things happen that were not supposed to happen.

 

Should you blame yourself? Should you blame your partner in crime? Which ever way you choose to view the situation, it's your basic human nature at work and your primitive brain (telling you to go ahead) battles it out with your higher brain (don't get into that because it's wrong). :rolleyes:

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Being unhappy in a current relationship is not the only reason why one could cheat on a significant other. For me it's the thrill of the hunt; an inherent drive to conquer; to know for certain that one still "has it". Men have the need to feed their egos, and other than power, nothing feeds our ego more than a beautiful woman. But just because I cheat does not mean that I do not love my significant other, nor does it mean that I am not committed. Sure, this may be seen as weakness; to give in and succumb to a primal instinct, not being able to muster the strength of will to hold back. There will always be a tinge of regret in that feeling of satisfaction. But I would rather regret something that was, than what could have been. It is a risk, for by doing so I stand to lose the people I love. But I do it so that I do not lose myself. In a sense, it does not make me a better man, but at least in the end, I do not feel like a lesser one.

 

"I wanna be faithful but I can't keep my hands off the cookie jar."

 

HI Fil, you seem to have shared your thoughts pretty well. As much as I'm certain that this stamement of yours shakes the hopes of our women a little (lol), I can't help but admire how much you know yourself and how you acknowledge your being human.

 

 

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i can totally relate to your point of view. I actually talked about this with my friend. He basically told me that i am probably not content with my life and i need certain things to do in order to keep things interesting. But he also cautioned me that i am also lying to my significant other by not telling her. I said why would i tell her, it would only get me in trouble, and he said you probably don't love her then. Regardless of your reasons for keeping things secret from your other. if you truly love them you would not keep things from them. you must be open in your relationship in order for it to grow. He also said people will always look for certain reasons to do certain things no matter how bad or unfair they are therefore in return, hurting the people we love. He also said that's I'm being selfish regardless of the reasons I do in order to cheat. We are being selfish to the person we love because we in turn are lying to them.

 

In the end he told me, sure you might get away with it and live happily with your significant other without her finding out. But know this. "When you do meet God, he would want an answer as to why you lied to your other without telling her what you did." and if you can't provide a sufficient answer for his question. He will definitely pass judgment on you when that time comes"

 

In hindsight, i thought what he said made sense. I was being selfish and i didn't think of anyone but my own desires and wants without realizing it would be detrimental to the person i love. It also scared me since he mentioned God would pass judgment on me when the time does come when i meet him in the other life.

 

I may get what i desire in this life. But i might also suffer the consequences of my actions forever in the other life and this made me realize my mistake and i promised never to do it again. i also came clean to my other and told her all the things i did. It was a bad time for a while, but in the end she forgave me and i have been honest with her from that point on. No More Secrets!

 

 

Minsan talaga natututo tayo ng mahusay pag galing sa sarili nating karanasan. I believe that a person's perspective changes over time. I am happy how you seem to have reflected through life thoroughly. I am also thinking na siguro bonggang bongga kang bumabawi sa partner mo. ;)

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To Pinai and *Jessie*: Now now, you two make it look like I'm sort of a saint because in fact I'm not. I've wallowed in some murky (read: lusty) waters before and I've learned my lesson because of it. I think having a couple of girls or even up to a harem is good for one's ego and carnal urges but I guess that's not the life I want for me. To each their own I guess. For me, I want a simple life--just to love and be loved by one person. It's too complicated for me to give a lot of attention to a lot of women. I only have one body and 24 hours to give that, and I think one girl can take all of that and then some. Sa akin nga, kulang na nga ang oras na binibigay ko sa biological family ko, tapus may asawa pa ako, kaya wala nang masyadong oras para sa sarili ko, tapus kukuha pa ako ng ibang tao na kakain ng natitira kong oras? Ano mangyayare sa akin? Maaaburido na ako nun. Gamitin ko na lang ang natitirang oras sa tulog at sa sidelines ko; healthy na, yayaman pa. Hehehe. Anyway, I guess it's a good thing na I've learned this particular lesson before I got married. I think I like to search out for life's lessons and learn them the hard way when I was young. So, lemme reiterate, I'm no saint; I'm just a normal guy--with a good head that knows what's what on his shoulders. ^_^

 

Silvervic, i didn't say you're a sant and the more i didn't say you've been a saint all along. Lol. i don't know how it was on your past but i'm very glad that see how you seem to have changed as you chose to be a better man. :)

 

i am no saint when it comes to infidelity. and i have no excuse why i cheated and why i'm still cheating. the only reason why people cheat, and this i tell to my friends, is that they just want to do it. when you decide to marry someone, you've already decided to live with that someone for as long as you both are living. people will come along your way and you'll be tested. no matter how strong or happy you are with your married life, you'd still cheat if you want to. reasons are just excuses. if there' something wrong in your relationship, with your wife/husband, you should talk about it. marriage makes you one. i'm not proud of what i'm doing but this is me. thanks by the way to you and this topic. (",)

 

 

hi jay. thank you for sharing. i am glad how honest you are with your pov.

 

before, i said that there will be no other party or even entertaining the thought of having one... sad to say that i have not maintained how it should be. :(

 

sa lahat naman ng bagay, minsan talaga sumasablay tayo. may mga bgay lang na sobrang malakas ang kabig sa atin pag don tayo nagmintis. make up for it if you can.

 

before, i said that there will be no other party or even entertaining the thought of having one... sad to say that i have not maintained how it should be. :(

 

sa lahat naman ng bagay, minsan talaga sumasablay tayo. may mga bgay lang na sobrang malakas ang kabig sa atin pag don tayo nagmintis. make up for it if you can.

 

I think we should distinguish between "titikim" and "napasubo" :)

 

no more distinction. tikim is even lighter than napasubo. ;)

 

it's your basic human nature at work and your primitive brain (telling you to go ahead) battles it out with your higher brain (don't get into that because it's wrong). :rolleyes:

 

i remember Freud's Id, ego and superego. I guess this is what makes us a little apart from animals - ego and superego. :)

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I remember my officemate who told me this. "Sabi ng nanay ko, di bale nang manloko at mambabae. Basta ang mahalaga, wag ko mamahalin. Kasi may nagmamahal na sayo eh. Don ka pa rin uuwi. Katawan lang kung katawan pero wag ko uuwian".

 

Lol. Watchutink? :P

 

Hey there, yes, you didn't say that, I just felt like you two are implying me as such. But anyways, it's all good, I just need to get it out there. ^_^ As far as what your office mate said, well, that's one way of looking at it. Parang salita ng dad ko sa mom ko nung nawitness ko away nila nuon, "Kahit anong mangyari, sa iyo pa din ako umuuwi." We interact with people kasi e, we need to be friendly in order to build our professional network and friends, hindi naman lahat ng tao e pinili maging ermitanyo or ermitanya na ikukulong lang ang mga sarili nila. Sure, may flirting na nagaganap from time to time, lalo na kung towards the opposite sex, pero kung alam naman ang limitations e atska alam mo sa puso mo na may tao ka nang minamahal at nagmamahal sa iyo, e kahit maghubad pa iyan, hindi mo papatusin--unless kung may nararamdaman ka sa kanya, e tutukain mo yang pagkain na nakahain... anjan na e. I think flirting is one way of being friendly din e, pero kung magiging intense na ang flirting, e ibang usapan na yan... para sa akin, trap na un.

 

Lemme put it this way: To me flirting is like fire; it can make you feel nice because it gives you warmth but it can burn and hurt you at the same time. Know your distance to the fire and you'll be fine. ^_^

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"The grass is alwaysgreener on the other side of the fence"

 

This is a natural tendency of people irregardless of gender. And it would usually depend on ones level of contentment, lifestyle, self esteem and what not. People simply make up excuses to justify ones actions but in reality, its really ones natural tendency to wish for a life that somebody is having or look at a certain time slice of another person and hope that one could live that life for eternity which usually never happens in the real world. I emphasized the gender part earlier because when I had a short stint in Abu Dhabi 5 years ago,adultery is rampant among our kababayan there (including the opposite sex)based on the fact that they have all the time in the world (after work), are lonely or seek companion, wants to experience something new, lives on packed coed houses/apartments and the fact that sex simply is gratifying or there's a probability of one. Personally, I think the reason that men are associated to being one is cultural since there seem to be an unwritten rule that you are"The MAN" if you still get to have some variety on the sides even if you are tied-up with someone else and yet a woman tend to be labelled as a slut if they open up about it and therefore tend to bottle it up and keep it a secret.

 

Now to answer the question, yes I've cheated on my previous relationships and I've paid the price of its consequence. But there have been points in my life where i was content with what I have or there simply were more pressing matters that requires ones energy to be focused to that the thought of its probable consequence is not worth pondering upon to begin with. Do I still do it now and will I continue to do it in the future? Well I won't be a hypocrite to say never, after all, I do still have my needs and being separated doesn't make it less convenient.

Edited by Droidz1979
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I want it frank, straight and honest. Para sa may asawa, planong mag asawa, open mag asawa, or may jowa.

 

No matter how happy you are with your partner, do you still see yourself getting involved with another person?

 

Why, why not? :)

 

I think usually people enter into a commitment - marriage, a serious relationship - with the resolve to be faithful.

 

There's a saying that "time heals all wounds." The tongue-in-cheek reverse is "time wounds all heels." Similarly, relationships can get wounded by infidelity, because times change and time brings on changes. People change, their needs and wants change. There are no excuses, but s@%t does happen.

 

Frankly, it can be easy to say, "Oh, I'm going to be this and that the rest of my life."

 

But wait until you've been in a relationship 10, 15, 20, 25 years. Then maybe we can compare notes.

 

I'm not saying that lifelong fidelity is not possible, because I've seen it at work. But on the other hand, no matter how strong one's resolve, it can break down, given a conducive combination of circumstances and conditions.

 

Peace. smile.gif

Edited by viral
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Haha. And I'm actually hoping to meet a woman who will understand and say: "ok lang yan, basta sa akin sya umuuwi." wink.gif

HI Fil, you seem to have shared your thoughts pretty well. As much as I'm certain that this stamement of yours shakes the hopes of our women a little (lol), I can't help but admire how much you know yourself and how you acknowledge your being human.

 

 

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"The grass is alwaysgreener on the other side of the fence"

 

This is a natural tendency of people irregardless of gender. And it would usually depend on ones level of contentment, lifestyle, self esteem and what not. People simply make up excuses to justify ones actions but in reality, its really ones natural tendency to wish for a life that somebody is having or look at a certain time slice of another person and hope that one could live that life for eternity which usually never happens in the real world. I emphasized the gender part earlier because when I had a short stint in Abu Dhabi 5 years ago,adultery is rampant among our kababayan there (including the opposite sex)based on the fact that they have all the time in the world (after work), are lonely or seek companion, wants to experience something new, lives on packed coed houses/apartments and the fact that sex simply is gratifying or there's a probability of one. Personally, I think the reason that men are associated to being one is cultural since there seem to be an unwritten rule that you are"The MAN" if you still get to have some variety on the sides even if you are tied-up with someone else and yet a woman tend to be labelled as a slut if they open up about it and therefore tend to bottle it up and keep it a secret.

 

Now to answer the question, yes I've cheated on my previous relationships and I've paid the price of its consequence. But there have been points in my life where i was content with what I have or there simply were more pressing matters that requires ones energy to be focused to that the thought of its probable consequence is not worth pondering upon to begin with. Do I still do it now and will I continue to do it in the future? Well I won't be a hypocrite to say never, after all, I do still have my needs and being separated doesn't make it less convenient.

 

 

I think it's human nature na hindi tayo marunong makuntento. At natural sa atin na ma-curious or magsawa or maumay. Best example ay yung palipat lipat nang trabaho only to move to another company with the same job but of almost the same payscale. Funny, we just really needed to breathe once in a while.

 

Pero alam mo, sa mga nag-aabroad, common ang ganyan. Sa tingin ko, nangyayari din yun sa mga naiiwan. What I meant is I've seen long distance relationships where the one abroad became closer to his/her partner. Siguro kasi dahil kanya kanya tayong ng reaction sa paglabas ng comfort zone ntin. Kaya ang tendency, mas nakikipacommunicate - skype, ym ym, viber, chaton, kakaotalk (lol) , bbm etc.

 

Well, nakakatuwang di ka nagsasalita ng tapos. Pero base sa statement mo, masasabi ko na at some point, open ka pa rin talaga sa thought na yun. Hindi ka naman nag-iisa.

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I think usually people enter into a commitment - marriage, a serious relationship - with the resolve to be faithful.

 

There's a saying that "time heals all wounds." The tongue-in-cheek reverse is "time wounds all heels." Similarly, relationships can get wounded by infidelity, because times change and time brings on changes. People change, their needs and wants change. There are no excuses, but s@%t does happen.

 

Frankly, it can be easy to say, "Oh, I'm going to be this and that the rest of my life."

 

But wait until you've been in a relationship 10, 15, 20, 25 years. Then maybe we can compare notes.

 

I'm not saying that lifelong fidelity is not possible, because I've seen it at work. But on the other hand, no matter how strong one's resolve, it can break down, given a conducive combination of circumstances and conditions.

 

Peace. smile.gif

 

 

That's one of the reasons why I try to keep a journal. It makes me look back to who I was years back. Back in elementary and highschool, I could be the most hopeless romantic yet melancholic damsel in the planet. I put all my heart in those sterling spring notebook. all the poems, the lyrics of the songs and even came up with a poem out of my crushes' letters of their names. Come college, i still tried to keep a journal till i stopped. I must had been growing up by then. years after and i started working, i no longer keep a journal in notes. I started blogging but only for myself to read. time past and i came to see my journal again. i couldn't believe what i was saying. and it was so funny.

 

i agree that people change. gradually over time. while some changes to be tame and to have stronger will, others change and accept and embrace their being human. everything only happens in time. i feel your attempt to keep your feet on the ground. thank you for sharing. :)

Edited by *Jessie*
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I think it's human nature na hindi tayo marunong makuntento. At natural sa atin na ma-curious or magsawa or maumay. Best example ay yung palipat lipat nang trabaho only to move to another company with the same job but of almost the same payscale. Funny, we just really needed to breathe once in a while.

 

Pero alam mo, sa mga nag-aabroad, common ang ganyan. Sa tingin ko, nangyayari din yun sa mga naiiwan. What I meant is I've seen long distance relationships where the one abroad became closer to his/her partner. Siguro kasi dahil kanya kanya tayong ng reaction sa paglabas ng comfort zone ntin. Kaya ang tendency, mas nakikipacommunicate - skype, ym ym, viber, chaton, kakaotalk (lol) , bbm etc.

 

Well, nakakatuwang di ka nagsasalita ng tapos. Pero base sa statement mo, masasabi ko na at some point, open ka pa rin talaga sa thought na yun. Hindi ka naman nag-iisa.

 

Agree with your work analogy, at times you never really get to appreciate that you already had and only get to find out afterwards in a point of no return circumstance na.

 

Also, its a personal belief of mine that its pointless to have an open-ended outlook at things in life since what is ahead an infinite world of possibilities. As you've earlier raised, looking back at your views a decade or 2 decades ago, it has changed in leaps and bounds so moving forward, its probably bound to change. No point in saying no now and only to break your word after a couple of years based on the ready justification you'll have and depending on the circumstance that you'd be in.

 

You have a good thread down here by the way, to think that the question seem very simply enough.

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Hey there, yes, you didn't say that, I just felt like you two are implying me as such. But anyways, it's all good, I just need to get it out there. ^_^ As far as what your office mate said, well, that's one way of looking at it. Parang salita ng dad ko sa mom ko nung nawitness ko away nila nuon, "Kahit anong mangyari, sa iyo pa din ako umuuwi." We interact with people kasi e, we need to be friendly in order to build our professional network and friends, hindi naman lahat ng tao e pinili maging ermitanyo or ermitanya na ikukulong lang ang mga sarili nila. Sure, may flirting na nagaganap from time to time, lalo na kung towards the opposite sex, pero kung alam naman ang limitations e atska alam mo sa puso mo na may tao ka nang minamahal at nagmamahal sa iyo, e kahit maghubad pa iyan, hindi mo papatusin--unless kung may nararamdaman ka sa kanya, e tutukain mo yang pagkain na nakahain... anjan na e. I think flirting is one way of being friendly din e, pero kung magiging intense na ang flirting, e ibang usapan na yan... para sa akin, trap na un.

 

Lemme put it this way: To me flirting is like fire; it can make you feel nice because it gives you warmth but it can burn and hurt you at the same time. Know your distance to the fire and you'll be fine. ^_^

 

 

Hi Vic, that's a good point. I know that only with a moderate amount, it should be fine. Minsan nga lang yung iba, they tend to get more curious how it would be kung aabante pa ng konti. Kaso yung iba hindi na mapigilan hanggang sa nagiging all out na.

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Agree with your work analogy, at times you never really get to appreciate that you already had and only get to find out afterwards in a point of no return circumstance na.

 

Also, its a personal belief of mine that its pointless to have an open-ended outlook at things in life since what is ahead an infinite world of possibilities. As you've earlier raised, looking back at your views a decade or 2 decades ago, it has changed in leaps and bounds so moving forward, its probably bound to change. No point in saying no now and only to break your word after a couple of years based on the ready justification you'll have and depending on the circumstance that you'd be in.

 

You have a good thread down here by the way, to think that the question seem very simply enough.

 

That is true. Changing and learning is a lifelong process. Even if we sometimes feel that we are a mediocre, I believe that the state of realizing that you're a mediocre is still considered learning as you are introspecting, you create a standard that distinguish between mediocrity and progress. As life throws us certain events and people in our lives, we get to some crossroads and make decisions every day. Sometimes, we don't realize we're changing, but in other times, when we really burned a lot, we make big decision points in our lives whether in finance, career, health, home and even relationships. Actually sometimes, too, a big decision we made years back will be scrapped and replaced with the exact opposite decision depending on the recent event that caused a huge impact in our lives.

 

Thanks. I really wanted a question for the member to pose their practical answers (what they will really do) supported by their perspectives instead of just presenting their opinions alone. It's good to underestand this pattern in reverse - belief, thoughts processes, attitudes towards this topic, decisions, words, actions and how life answered back to them, how they absorbed what life threw them and start with the cycle again and see if cycle 2 is different from cycle 1.

Edited by *Jessie*
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