Falling In Love But Not Getting Horny, Not Wanting Or Having Sex

[newcityboy]

what if you're already married and your partner doesnt want to have sex with you.. always making excuses or for him/her sex is just an obligation. is it a valid reason to break up with the partner. like maybe 5x a year na sex lang tapos pinagbibigyan ka lang nya nun.

[jgc813]

what if you're already married and your partner doesnt want to have sex with you.. always making excuses or for him/her sex is just an obligation. is it a valid reason to break up with the partner. like maybe 5x a year na sex lang tapos pinagbibigyan ka lang nya nun.

 

Haven't you heard of "for better and for worse?" I think that's part of the marriage vows, right? No exceptions are made, not even the wanting or not wanting to have sex.

 

To be categorical about your question, I think it is NO -- not wanting to have sex is NOT a valid reason for you to break up with your spouse.

 

In a case like this, there is a need to do some fixing up. Why not try to undergo some marriage counseling? The not wanting to have sex may just be a consequence of a far deeper problem which could be relational, psychological, moral, or physiological.

 

 

 

[friendly0603]

what if you're already married and your partner doesnt want to have sex with you.. always making excuses or for him/her sex is just an obligation. is it a valid reason to break up with the partner. like maybe 5x a year na sex lang tapos pinagbibigyan ka lang nya nun.

 

 

Haven't you heard of "for better and for worse?" I think that's part of the marriage vows, right? No exceptions are made, not even the wanting or not wanting to have sex.To be categorical about your question, I think it is NO -- not wanting to have sex is NOT a valid reason for you to break up with your spouse.In a case like this, there is a need to do some fixing up. Why not try to undergo some marriage counseling? The not wanting to have sex may just be a consequence of a far deeper problem which could be relational, psychological, moral, or physiological.

 

I think I read somewhere that girl sued her husband for not having enough sex.

http://news.yahoo.com/french-woman-sues-husband-lack-sex-221500147.html

"A French wife sued her husband and won about $14,000 because he didn't have sex with her enough"

 

Anyway, priests have vows too that they can get out of. Sexual chemistry is important too in a relationship unless you are deeply religious. If you raise this issue, and she really doesn't care about sex - then it must mean it's ok for you to get it somewhere else. Anyway, it's up to you to define your happiness. It's up to you to live with the consequences. Some people are wired differently.

 

Not everything is "fixable" even if you want it too. You can be a martyr and just suffer and be faithful.

[newcityboy]

I think I read somewhere that girl sued her husband for not having enough sex.

http://news.yahoo.com/french-woman-sues-husband-lack-sex-221500147.html

"A French wife sued her husband and won about $14,000 because he didn't have sex with her enough"

 

Anyway, priests have vows too that they can get out of. Sexual chemistry is important too in a relationship unless you are deeply religious. If you raise this issue, and she really doesn't care about sex - then it must mean it's ok for you to get it somewhere else. Anyway, it's up to you to define your happiness. It's up to you to live with the consequences. Some people are wired differently.

 

Not everything is "fixable" even if you want it too. You can be a martyr and just suffer and be faithful.

 

thanks friendly, you're right not everything is fixable.

[jgc813]

I think I read somewhere that girl sued her husband for not having enough sex.

http://news.yahoo.co...-221500147.html

"A French wife sued her husband and won about $14,000 because he didn't have sex with her enough"

 

Anyway, priests have vows too that they can get out of. Sexual chemistry is important too in a relationship unless you are deeply religious. If you raise this issue, and she really doesn't care about sex - then it must mean it's ok for you to get it somewhere else. Anyway, it's up to you to define your happiness. It's up to you to live with the consequences. Some people are wired differently.

 

Not everything is "fixable" even if you want it too. You can be a martyr and just suffer and be faithful.

 

Eventually, you have found a fix. Fixable doesn't mean that things are returned to their original state.

 

There are many reasons why libido can just disappear. The disappearance may be temporary, or it can be permanent. Medication may cause it's disappearance, e.g. taking high doses of statin drugs or blood thinners. The same is true for certain illnesses or physiological states, e.g. being diabetic, or having a stroke. On the psychological/moral side, sometimes a case of infidelity will cause loss of trust and confidence on one partner and thereby will hamper the desire for the fulfillment of the marital obligations, i.e. have sex with one's spouse.

 

The above, however, are not grounds for the dissolution of marriage.

In canon law, the church allows annulment only if, at the time of consent -- which means prior to marriage -- there is already permanent impotence or frigidity such that one of the spouses cannot have sex.

 

Psychic-natured incapacity to assume marital obligations (Canon 1095, 30)

You or your spouse, at the time of consent, was unable to fulfill the obligations of marriage because of a serious psychological disorder or other condition.

In the family code of the Philippines, it's the same. The impotency or frigidity has to be existent before the marriage and is incurable:

One or the other party was physically incapable of consummating the marriage, and such incapacity continues and appears to be incurable. The filing of the Petition of Annulment must be filed within five (5) years after the marriage. (Art. 45)

When in the course of the marriage, one of the partners suddenly loose interests in sex, a fix must be found. Firstly, the cause of the lost of interest must be known; Secondly, a remedy has to be established, and that does not necessarily mean that the pre-nuptial desires of sex for each other should be restored.

 

I agree. At times, the desire for sex may no longer return. The fix here is meant more for the marriage, not just for the sex part because the loss of interest for sex alone is NOT a valid reason for breaking up with your partner.

 

Edited September 29, 2011 by jgc813

[friendly0603]

Eventually, you have found a fix. Fixable doesn't mean that things are returned to their original state.

Is that really a fix for you? I offered that as an option albeit an unhappy one. Did I say it will be returned to the original state?

 

There are many reasons why libido can just disappear. The disappearance may be temporary, or it can be permanent. Medication may cause it's disappearance, e.g. taking high doses of statin drugs or blood. On the psychological/moral side, sometimes a case of infidelity will cause loss of trust and confidence on one partner and thereby will hamper the desire for the fulfillment of the marital obligations, i.e. have sex with one's spouse.

Or simply your spouse have lost all interest in you? Is that not possible too?

 

The above, however, are not grounds for the dissolution of marriage.

In canon law, the church allows annulment only if, at the time of consent -- which means prior to marriage -- there is already permanent impotence or frigidity such that one of the spouses cannot have sex.

 

.... snipped

Too long....

 

If you are deeply religious, yeah follow canon law. That's why england established their own church coz the vatican wouldn't allow the king to divorce his wife.

 

Not everything is known at the start of a marriage. People change and they are no longer the person you married or they didn't grow with you. What if the frigidity happens during the marriage? Why put a limit of 5 years? People can endure suffering more years than that?

 

All these are valid and legal. But who cares about that when you're unhappy with a short life to live.

 

newcityboy, what do you mean by valid reason? Valid as in legal? If you are after legality, follow the other guy's advice. Legal option for me - go overseas & have your marriage dissolved there - that sex part is valid in other countries

[friendly0603]

When in the course of the marriage, one of the partners suddenly loose interests in sex, a fix must be found. Firstly, the cause of the lost of interest must be known; Secondly, a remedy has to be established, and that does not necessarily mean that the pre-nuptial desires of sex for each other should be restored.

 

I agree. At times, the desire for sex may no longer return. The fix here is meant more for the marriage, not just for the sex part because the loss of interest for sex alone is NOT a valid reason for breaking up with your partner.

What if there's no fix?

 

Is it a valid reason to go looking for sex with others?

Edited September 30, 2011 by friendly0603

[simplyeric]

What if there's no fix?

 

Is it a valid reason to go looking for sex with others?

 

 

my theory is that at the age of 30~50, if one partner looses the drive for sex, the other must find a way to spice things up

 

at that age, they may enter a routine that is boring. it is time to break the routine and discover something new.

 

but this does not automatically mean one should cheat. it should still be a couple, with newer techniques like new position, devices,places,situations.

 

If they have not yet reached the age of 60 and they have tried everything as a couple,and they are still bored, then maybe its time for a different flavor to add in the mix. maybe a 3rd party or another couple.

 

if one cannot physically provide while the other is at his/her prime, then maybe they can enter into an open and controlled 3rd party

[newcityboy]

hey guys thanks for the replies. the scencario here is that my friend looked for another girl because his wife doesnt want to have sex with him but the problem is that he fell in love with this girl and now thinking of leaving his wife. He's feeling guilty though that he's planning to leave his wife but he doesnt love her anymore and she loves the other girl. so what can you suggest?

[tatang1976]

Nope. But eventually the sex drive will be diminished as we age. At the start the "hots" for the woman is there.

[chopiters]

seriously want to experience falling in love without the carnal side of things.

 

@newcityboy - if may anak siya sa asawa niya, better have the money for alimony. If housewife ang asawa, alimony din. Then leave the wife, stick with the girl. everybody happy. If walang funds for the alimony, stick with the wife and family.

[newcityboy]

seriously want to experience falling in love without the carnal side of things.

 

@newcityboy - if may anak siya sa asawa niya, better have the money for alimony. If housewife ang asawa, alimony din. Then leave the wife, stick with the girl. everybody happy. If walang funds for the alimony, stick with the wife and family.

 

well they dont have kids and the wife is also working...

[cHinitababe86]

yes...

 

i said no to the guy when he started the fondling thing...

 

it's not that im not getting horny when he's doing it, it's just that having sex with him is my least priority. hahaha

 

almost the same as the situation mentioned. pero i didn't say no naman.

according to how i see it, we have the same view about sex na hindi naman kaylangan

madaliin, and would come in the right time at hindi magandang pilitin mangyari.

somehow i admire this man for thinking that

way (whether he is really that sincere with the idea or not)

besides, hindi lang naman sa sex umiikot ang lahat ng bagay lalo na pag relasyon ang

pinag uusapan. lalong hindi basehan na pag nangyayari yon means you're already falling inlove. (especially nowadays)

patience most of the time makes the "reserved" act more exciting and intense. haha

keeps the flame burning, as crazy as it may seem, pakiramdam namen it would start to get

boring and would become a routine na if it keeps on happening already again and again and again. :lol:

Edited October 19, 2011 by cHinitababe86

[alrey]

this is only possible if you have more than one gf. one for sex and another for other things lets face it .. its a biological need so if you have only one girl friend, its impossible not to be sexually attracted sooner or later.

[BrightestStar]

Baka they're both of advanced age like 65 years old of older. Could be impotent too.