Political Jokes

[*kalel*]

dahils sa speech ni Sen Jinggoy, pinatawag si Jollibee sa senate para magbigay linaw sa transaction ni gonzales....

 

sabi ni Jollibee, walang kinalaman sa pork and transaction nila dahil ang hamburger nila ay 100% beef!

[scam]

US & UK - Stealing is punishable by imprisonment

 

Saudi Arabia - DO not steal, your hands will be cut off.

 

Japan - Stealing is dishonor to family, commit harakiri

 

China - If caught stealing, yuou will face firing squad.

 

Pinas - Stealiong is " FOR OFFICAL USE ONLY"

[maxiev]

Sexy Jinggoy Estrada asked his father...

 

Tatay, sabi nila kung nakaharap ako, mukha daw akung Jose Rizal, at kung naka side-view ako, mukha daw akung si Manuel Roxas. At kung naka ngite ako, mukha daw akung si Andres Bonifacio...bakit Tay, may lahi ba tayong "Bayani?"

 

Erap to Jinggoy:

 

Hinde anak, pag sinabi nila ng ganoon...

 

"MUKHA KANG PERA!"

Edited October 2, 2013 by maxiev

[dungeonbaby]

I miss the old days when the polar vortex was known as Pelosi's stare.

 

- Dennis Miller

[harmless0810]

In 2008, Marvel Comics published a limited series with Spider-man and Obama. The only thing missing was them in a lip lock.

 

5 Years Later

 

NYT: OBAMA TO FUND RAISE IN MANHATTAN

 

Obama: SPIDEY! SPIDEY! Can you swing down here for a moment?

 

spider sense tingling

 

O: Spidey, how are you?

 

S: Fine sir.

 

O: You can talk to me about anything. I told you that 5 years ago.

 

S: Why are you spying on Americans and our allies?

 

O: Uhm, well...

 

S: Why did you increase the drone strikes by 250%. You even said that you are good at killing people. People at Reuters and the AP heard it.

 

O: It was a joke. Son, how's your Aunt May?

 

S: Aunt May lost her health insurance. Why?

 

O: Errr, Spidey, I have to go. They're waiting for my speech.

[camiar]

Subject: Old Butch

 

Bert was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young

'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

 

 

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot

and was replaced.

 

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them

to his roosters.

 

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which

rooster was performing.

 

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by

just listening to the bells.

 

Bert's favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this

morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

 

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy

chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters

coming, would run for cover.

 

 

To Bert's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.

 

He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. >

Bert was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Brisbane City

Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece

Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

 

 

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a

politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards

on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting

populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

 

Vote carefully in the next election, you can't always hear the bells.

[sonnyt111]

Subject: Old Butch

 

Bert was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young

'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

 

 

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot

and was replaced.

 

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them

to his roosters.

 

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which

rooster was performing.

 

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by

just listening to the bells.

 

Bert's favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this

morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

 

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy

chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters

coming, would run for cover.

 

 

To Bert's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.

 

He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. >

Bert was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Brisbane City

Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece

Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

 

 

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a

politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards

on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting

populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

 

Vote carefully in the next election, you can't always hear the bells.

. Good one....

[rockybrawler]

One more thing:

 

 

 

 

Nangurakot ako, nagurakot ka din.

 

 

 

[numina]

http://www.spot.ph/newsfeatures/58557/purisimese-101-basic-english-a-la-alan-purisima

[camiar]

Asan si Mr. President?

 

 

Edited February 18, 2015 by camiar

[numina]

i pity purisima.... he is now banned in all restaurants in the philippines.... apparently, when waiters approach him, he does not give them his order, only advices

[maxiev]

i pity purisima.... he is now banned in all restaurants in the philippines.... apparently, when waiters approach him, he does not give them his order, only advices

[Bentong Senior]

Asan si Mr. President?

 

 

 

at least always present sya.

[camiar]

 

at least always present sya.

 

eto pa...

 

[camiar]

This one had me ROTFLMAO!!!!