A Complicated Relationship

[wildswans]

I met my GF from MIRC and we would text each other occasionally. I would stayed up til the wee hours of the morning keeping her company thru text while she studies. She was happy with what I’m doing coz she said it’s been years since a guy did this to her. After a few weeks of texting, she said she likes me although she hasn’t seen me yet. We finally met and went out a few times after that she started falling for me and vice versa until it became us.

 

We have an 11 years age gap and she said her parents are very strict to the point that they would lock her up in a room if they find out she was entertaining suitors secretly like what happened before. Her parents are traditional and don’t want a suitor nor BF from online chats. My GF likes to chat and I saw it in her email sent folder that she sends her pic to various guys but since the date was before we met, I just let it be.

 

During the courtship, she would tell me that she’s not yet over her ex completely although she was the one who broke up with him. During the relationship, she would still, sometimes, mention her ex although she would apologize for doing so. She said she would sometimes find herself crying whenever she thinks of her ex, siguro dahil tinago niya yung hurt at walang nasabihan...according to her.

 

More than a week after we had the relationship, she broked up with me saying she’s not happy anymore and other nonsense reason, she mentioned about our age gap and was afraid what people might think and problems with her parents about how we met. I beg her to stay but to no avail. After a day, she texted me that she feels sad without me so naging kami ulit.

 

During our 1st month, I noticed that she’s not that into me yet. There were no bday card nor present for me and no monthsary gift nor card. I thought it might be normal since the relationship is still new. Few days after our 1st month, she confessed that she was having 2nd thoughts about continuing the relationship coz of what people might think about our age gap that’s why she’s not that into me daw. She thinks things over and realized that her happiness was more important so she decided to continue the relationship.

 

She would tell me that she met the relatives of her ex on two occasions and she also told me that sometimes her ex would text her and sometimes ask her out but she didn’t obliged daw.

 

After that, things went great for a few weeks until she became busy with school coz of the coming finals. So I had to understand if she’s not that into me coz of being busy.

 

Few weeks after our 2nd month, I was shocked to find out she had a secret friendster account that she kept from me. On that account, I would guess were people really close to her while the one I know were for people she met from online chatrooms. What’s more shocking was the primary pic. The pic was with her ex embracing her and the date she placed on the caption of that pic was dated 2 weeks after it became us. In short, she met up with her ex without my knowledge and I’m not sure if they’re still seeing each other until now and if they still communicate thru text.

 

I didn’t confront my gf regarding that coz I’m saving it for other occasions. Tsaka I’m afraid to tell her that I found out about her secret friendster account while looking at the messages in her sent folder. I don’t want her to use that against me para ako magmukhang may kasalanan kung magbreak kami and most of all I still love her. another thing ay pwede niyang sabihin past na yun, coz it happened during the first month where she confessed she's not that into me. but still she lied diba.

 

The first Saturday after her finals, she didn’t text me for so long, negative thoughts started to cloud my mind. It turns out she left her cellphone so I just let it be kahit na walang effort in her part to borrow her sister’s cp and letting me know man lang. The 2nd Saturday, she didn’t even text me for practically the whole day again. The next day, she said she can’t send any text messages nor make a call coz of network error and she apologized. I just told her na sana man lang she made an effort to borrow her sister’s cp to let me know what’s going on coz I was worried about her. She apologized again and I just let it be.

 

I then asked where she went that day and I got the surprised of my life when she texted back that she wants to break up with me already. She said she wants us to be just friends coz she’s too afraid of her parents and cannot be proud of me like I am for her…that she can’t risk it all for me even if she really loves me. She said it’s better this way para sarili lang niya iintindihin niya. She said that I deserve someone better and she don’t want to hurt me anymore coz I’ve been very good to her. I was so hurt that I didn’t even thought of begging her to stay anymore and so I just let her go.

 

After that, she kept texting me that she still loves me but haven’t been a good gf. She has to go coz she doesn’t want to hurt as nice guy like me anymore and so on. It is at this point where I took the opportunity to tell her my concern about her not being into me like, not calling me, we didn’t get to talk on the phone that much, binabalewala ako minsan especially if she can’t text, di niya nagagawa sa akin mga nagagawa niya sa ex niya and etc.

 

Two days passed she’s still texting me and telling me she loves me. She kept saying she misses me and feels incomplete without me..that she feels miserable breaking up with me and that’s how she realized she loves me after all. I was so hurt that I didn’t realize she wants me back from what she’s texting me. She has pride to tell it to me straight that she wants me back. She cried for 2 days daw coz she thought I was gone for good na coz I let her go so easily this time.

 

After she gave more clues that she wants me back, I told her I want her back also. Kaya lang, since may hinanakit daw ako sa kanya (yung complain ko na she’s not into me) she told me we are better off as friends muna until she sorts out her problems sa side niya and she needs time and effort daw. gusto niya kasi the 2nd time around na maging kami, ay fair na sa akin at hindi na maging one sided yung relationship at magawa na niya mga nagagawa niya sa ex niya and even more.

 

She didn’t mentioned about her ex as part of the problem pero kutob ko part of it yun. She just said that her fear for her parents is the one affecting her to be sweet to me. Sometimes she can separate the fear from being sweet but usually can’t, pati paglabas namin laging patago at hindi man lang niya ako mapakilala sa magulang niya. May nakakita na sa amin at sinumbong sa mom niya, when her mom asked her hindi man lang niya masabing bf kahit na nandiyan yung opportunity she just said classmate at nakasalubong lang niya. She don’t have the courage daw. She asked me to date others baka mas masaya ako dun, I told her ayaw ko at gusto ko siya. I asked her to tell me directly if the problem will be fix and I’ll wait, if not then just break up nalang. She told me it would be much better if I could wait for her kasi maaayos pa yung problem. She can fix the problem while kami pa rin pero it would take time and effort, baka umangal na naman daw ako kapag nababalewala niya ako.

 

I told her I’m not comfortable as being friends, kung friends lang wag nalang. I told her since she said maaayos pa yung problem then why not kami pa rin pero parang cool off nalang but we will still see each other like before and talk parin, pumayag naman siya although deep inside ayaw ko ng cool off, i just have to say that para maging kami parin coz i'm not comfortable sa friends setup.

 

After the breakup, we met up and made love like we usually do as if nothing happened pero when I asked her kung normal na ulit kami she said mas ok kapag cool off stage nalang para less pressure on her side, I asked what she means, mahirap daw iexplain kaya hindi na ako nangulit pa. We would still meet pa naman, and we still greet each other sa monthsary.

 

I’m very confused as to where this relationship is heading. All I know is hindi siya sure sa akin, dahil ayaw niya magpapicture kami sa studio, she doesn’t introduced me to at least her sister whom she’s very close to and can keep a secret, she still hasn’t told me about her secret friendster account, the primary pic of she and her ex embracing her is still there with “married” status. One more thing, I also saw the friendster of her ex and both of them have the same primary pic. I can’t look more into it coz it’s locked to closely connected members only.

 

I don’t know if her parent’s is really that strict or she’s using that to delay the introduction part coz she’s still considering her ex or baka naman her ex is actually her bf right now and I’m just a mean time guy habang my problem relationship nila kaya hindi niya ako maharap sa magulang. Or she loves me but is still afraid of what people might thing of our huge age gap.

 

- What do you guys think? Is this about the ex, age gap, she’s a player coz she likes to chat minsan she doesn't let me know that she's chatting maybe coz she knows super seloso ako o may ginagawa lang siya kalokohan, or case of parents too strict? Can you say she really loves me? I hope she’s not a player coz wala sa itsura niya and she has a good reputation in school coz masipag magaral but looks can be deceiving as they say. Any advice or suggestions?

 

- Mali ba ako na sinabi ko sa kanya yung concern ko sa relationship like she’s not into me at nagiging one sided yung relationship? Or tama lang since serious relationship naman ito?

 

- Does the cool off make any sense at all? For me parang walang sense, since she said she really loves me then why not fix the problem ASAP rather than isipin niya na baka umangal ulit ako.

[jaguar_18]

Boy, she's one hell of a disoriented person and i'd like to congratulate you for loving her that much. First, i don't believe in "cool off" and if you've got a problem you need to fix, why can't the relationship stay and let your partner help you out. Kung di talaga pwede, o di just take it slow. In a relationship it's just a yes or no, walang if and then statement dun...

 

I also believe that it's best for you to tell her regarding the 'secret friendster account' thing. Right now you're questioning her loyalty to the point that you're losing your trust and confidence in her. Listen to what she says and decide afterwards. I suggest you believe in her tapos if you yourself have caught her in the act, then break up with her. Reverse psychology mo siya para rin wala siyang masabing against sa iyo in the future. Pero kung hindi mo na kaya ung set-up ninyong ganyan, then end it up. Masyado ka nang martyr nyan.

 

Last point, it seems like iba ung definition ninyo ng relationship. Yours is the serious and long-term type, ung tipong kapag naging ok kayo for the next few years e pwede nang magpakasal (haha, ung palagi kong hanap, anyway). For her it seems like she's still playing, bata o immature pa. She enjoys your company pero ung what's next medyo glim ung possibility. Try to talk her out of it, of course in a light tone. See if she sees still sees being with you in the future. Kapag wala, then i suggest you end the relationship. Hindi un ang vision mo e, frustrated ka lang in the end.

 

Just a piece of advise, it's all up to you. Good luck and hope things will be well for you both.

[wildswans]

i agree that she's kinda immature and childish kaya tuwing galit siya madalas break na ang gusto.

 

hindi ko sure kung ayaw niya ng long term relationship kasi bago niya ako sinagot, she mistakenly thought that i was in a hurry na sagutin niya ako, she got upset and said that she wants to be sure coz gusto niya serious relationship. she doesn't want to get hurt and kaya she has to choose wisely. but then pwedeng paiba iba isip niya.

 

madalas nga siya magbanggit about our future with family and kids e. i don't know if she means it or just in a good mood lang pero madalas namin mapagusapan parang sure siya na ako gusto niya.

 

i hope i can catch her in the act para much easier for me dahil right now nahihirapan ako. hindi ko alam kung a case of not getting over her ex ito or she's seeing someone else pa to fool around with. i just hope malaman ko yung truth sa madaling panahon.

[jaguar_18]

i agree that she's kinda immature and childish kaya tuwing galit siya madalas break na ang gusto.

 

hindi ko sure kung ayaw niya ng long term relationship kasi bago niya ako sinagot, she mistakenly thought that i was in a hurry na sagutin niya ako, she got upset and said that she wants to be sure coz gusto niya serious relationship. she doesn't want to get hurt and kaya she has to choose wisely. but then pwedeng paiba iba isip niya.

 

madalas nga siya magbanggit about our future with family and kids e. i don't know if she means it or just in a good mood lang pero madalas namin mapagusapan parang sure siya na ako gusto niya.

 

i hope i can catch her in the act para much easier for me dahil right now nahihirapan ako. hindi ko alam kung a case of not getting over her ex ito or she's seeing someone else pa to fool around with. i just hope malaman ko yung truth sa madaling panahon.

...i guess it's best to talk to her to clear up things, ask what she wants. it's unfair for her to do such, makipag off and on sa relationship nang ganun-ganun na lang. to put it bluntly, she's selfish. looks like she's not considering your feelings.

[Joie]

One sentence to sum up your situation.

 

Have you ever heard of the line...

 

Maybe, she is just not that into you?

 

Enough said.

 

PS: Im sorry to be so blunt.

[Raizenne]

Typical story of those relationship that started on the internet. Sorry man, but I would suggest for you to look for someone else. Don't let her trick you further. I know, it will be hard if you are dead serious about her . But I think you don't like to be a more obtuse being, right?

[transcience]

let her go and move on. leave some respect for yourself.

 

the girl should iron out the loose ends of her so-called relationship with the ex before getting into another one.

[Larry]

first off....

that was a looooooongggg ass post, I almost said screw it....

 

 

anyway.....

 

my advice turn around and walk away quickly.

 

this chick is obviously just stringing you along.

 

if continued

 

this will end up in flames

[wildswans]

so you guys are pretty sure that this is a case of her not getting over her ex yet rather than age gap or just fooling around?

[<< xtc >>]

so you guys are pretty sure that this is a case of her not getting over her ex yet rather than age gap or just fooling around?

 

 

exactly ...

 

bro, them girls are quite complicated, but why complicate it even further by staying in this relationship.

 

my take on this is let go bro before you get too attached with this girl ...

[heavygatin_but_cutie]

Bro... time to leave the relationship...time to let go off the girl..not worth hangging on. Leave the relationship now that you still have your self respect and that you don't have that "hate" feeling in your heart. Your situation is difficult. It is not about age...it is clear that she doesn't love you. Don't give her the luxury to enjoy both worlds. It is obvious that she is not the girl for you...she is not the girl who can really be with you. I can't really say that she is a player or what..but all I can sense in your story is that she is not in-love with you the way you are to her. Sa pag cool-off..it doesnt make any sense at all... learn to let go..learn to leave the relationship and let her be...then move on.... there's more out there than the girl. Don't waste your precious time waiting and hoping that things will be the same... with the situations it clearly shows na she is hiding things with you and doesnt see you somebody that she wants to share her life with...

 

 

Good luck and wishing you the happiness bro!

[Yama]

Leave this girl like she is the plague, and run like your ass is on fire!

[wildswans]

i'm curious, why do most of you think that it's about her not getting over her ex yet and not about her parents being strict?

 

i admit that i really love this girl so i don't want to break up with her on the wrong reasons. i'm afraid she might just use firmly the reason that her parents are strict and i'm not an understanding BF, can that be the case here?

 

all i have is her secret friendster account with a primary pic of her ex's arms around her and dated during our 1st month. i'm afraid she might just use the reason that she uses that pic to divert attention from our current relationship so her parent or sis won't know. she can also argue that the date she puts there is only a caption which she can change to any date she wants and is just use to also divert attention. is that scenario possible or am i just going crazy now?

 

ma-pride kasi gf ko and very smart, since ako na nga yung hindi niya love, ayaw ko naman makipag break or magbreak kami na ako may kasalanan.

[complicated8]

ano na ba level ng relationship nyo? intimate? bf/gf? 1st base, 2nd base. The physical aspect for me is always part of the relationship.

 

This is one of the reasons na mahirap kalimutan ang ex. The age gap thing, is minor and it depends how big the gap looks. YOu can be young looking I don't know. But if you already showed her how much you love her, maybe it's time for her to do the same.

 

Kung hindi pa, just let it be. Give her time. mas maganda na tapusin nya loose ends nya first.

[Yama]

We think its about not getting over her former lover is because the guy is still in the picture (yes, pun intended). Dude, you have so many questions and assumptions about why shes doing this and that, and frankly you shouldnt be bothered with it. As a man, you have failed to set your boundaries in the relationship. Thats why this girl has ended up playing games with you, and I doubt that youre having fun with it.