Writings of the Heart

[*Jessie*]

Makalipas ang napakahabang panahon, hindi ko naisip na magkikita tayong muli. The very moment na makita uli kita, para akong nag-time machine at nagbalikan lahat ang ala-ala ng ating nakaraan.

Masaya ako pag ka-jamming kang kumanta sa awit ng Metallica na "Nothing Else Matters". Grabe, instrumental pa lang, parang sinasaniban na ko pag ini-strum mo ang gitara habang ako naman ang kakanta. At ang sarap ilabas ng kamay ko sa bintana ng kotse mo, habang mabilis kang magpatakbo sa may Fairview, habang pine-play natin yung Fast Car.

Hanggang ngayon, bentang benta pa rin sa akin ang isaw ni Mang Larry. Naalala ko, sinusundo mo ko sa school tapos dadaan tayo sa isawan, oorder ka ng isang dosenang isaw baboy pero akin lang yun, hiwalay pa yung order mo. Tapos bubuksan mo ung trunk ng kotse mo, don tayo uupo habang nanonood sa ibang mga nakatayong tinitira ang mga isaw nila. Grabe, one of the best days of my life.

Sobrang natuwa ako nung sinama mo ko sa Tagaytay nung 17th birthday ko. Sumakay tayo sa bangka going to Taal. Then sumakay tayo ng kabayo paakyat ng Taal volcano. Soooooobrang ganda, parang picture. Mangha-mangha ako non, at masayang masaya kasi kasama kita. Pagtapos, kumain tayo ng bulalo. Puro sebo na ung bibig ko pero tinrato mo pa rin ako na parang prinsesa, alagang alaga, iba ka talaga.

Hindi ko rin malilimutan ang mga gabi na magkatelebabad tayo mula 8PM hanggang 4am. Di ko alam kung bakit ang bilis lumipas ng oras pag kasama at kausap kita. Parang kahit ano kaya kong sabihin, walang inhibitions, walang pagpapanggap, walang kelangang ifilter. Ang alam ko lang noon, sobrang komportable ko sayo. Napaka-gentle mo kasi, palagi. Lalo na nung una mo akong hinalikan. Nakapikit lang ako, hindi ko maidilat mata ko. Gusto lang kitang damhin. Yung init. Yung breathing mo. Yung pagmamahal. Yung parang may nagsasabi sa akin na hindi ako nag-iisa at hindi ako mag-iisa at hindi mo ko iiwan. At pag hawak ko ang kamay mo, pakiramdam ko, kaya kong gawin ang lahat. "When you are with me, I'm free.. I'm careless, I believe. Above all others, we'll fly. This brings tears to my eyes. My sacrifice..." Hanggang ngayon, ikaw pa rin ang naalala ko pag naririnig ko ang lyrics na yan.

Sabi nga ni Rachel Alejandro, tunay na kapag umibig, lagi kang mananaginip. Kasi pag kasama kita, high na high ako eh. Kaso tama nga si si Ely. Ang kwento ng pag-ibig ay kumusta at paalam.

Hanggang sa minsan, may mga araw na hindi kita ma-contact. Ewan ko ba. Sabi mo kasi may bagyo sa Isabela at bagsak ang signal. Couldn't be reached ka. Naniwala ako sayo at pinili ko pa ring maniwala kahit sabi ng classmate ko ay nakokontak naman nya yung parents nya sa Isabela. Taga-don kasi talaga yun eh. Nag-aaral lang dito sa Manila. Hanggang sa napapadalas nang hindi kita mahagilap. Pati yung mga dates natin, paunti nang paunti. Dati twice a week. Naging once a week. Hanggang sa naging twice in a month. May mga buong araw na di kita makontak. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Hanggang sa hatinggabi na, couldn't be reached ka pa rin. Kaya ngayon, may trauma na ako sa "The Subscriber couldn't be reached, please try your call later".

Hanggang sa mawala ka. Mawala tayo nang tuluyan.

Nung mawala ka, halos mapraning ako.Normal siguro yun. The first cut is the deepest ika nga nila. Akala ko hindi na ako makapag-move on. Grabe ang tagal din non. Hindi ko na sasabihin kung gano katagal kasi baka mamaya lumaki ulo mo magka-hydrocephalus ka (hindi ako sure kung tama ang spelling ng hydrocephalus). Marami akong nakilala, marami akong naka-date, marami akong syinota. Pero ni isa, walang permanenteng pumuno ng kalungkutan ko at pangugulila ko sayo. Hindi mo alam ini-stalk pa kita s friendster pati yung bago mong karelasyon. Kulang na lang ipakulam ko kayo kasi di ko matanggap na masaya ka na tapos ako nag-eemote pa rin noon. Unfair. Sabi nga ni Kris Aquino, dapat pag sad pa sya, sad din dapat yung guy. Pag happy na sya, saka lang sila dapat maging happy. Oo, evil kung evil. Selfish na selfish. Ganon talaga pag bitter.

Totoo naman ang sabi nila, time heals all wounds. Hind naman maging mdali ang paghilom ng sugat ko, lubos kong ninamnam ang bawat panahon ng aking paglaya. Paglaya sa ala-ala mo, pekeng pag-asa at sa pagkakabilanggo ng bulag na paghihintay. After college, lumaki ang mundo ko. Don ko nalaman na mas maraming gago kesa sayo, mapagpanggap, mapaglansi at tuso. Ilang beses pa uli ako nasaktan pero ang alam ko, walang pumantay sa sakit na dulot ng iyong pagkawala. Kaya lahat sila, madali ko rin nakalimutan. Pero noon ko rin naintindihan na ganon talaga ang buhay. At kelangan kong maging matalino, maingat at higit sa lahat, piliting maging tapat sa sarili. May mga matitinong tao naman eh. Kelangan ko lang talagang kilatisin nang kilitising nang kilatisin to the nth power.

Ngayon, may asawa at tatlong anak ka na at mukha namang masaya. Hindi ko alam na darating ang panahon at makakaya kong makaharap ka at makausap. Sobrang tagal nang panahon na yun. Hindi pa rin nagbabago ang boses mo at hindi ka naman makapaniwala na single pa rin ako. May mga premature wrinkles ka pero siguro part yung ng stress ng pagpapamilya. Pero ayos lang yun, nakita ko may laugh lines ka. So baka nga masaya ka rin.

Hindi ko man kayang maalala kung ano ang eksaktong pakiramdam ko para sayo noon, hindi na yun mahalaga. Masaya lang akong makita ka. Hindi ko ibabalik ang niluma nating panahon dahil nagbago na rin ako, ang aking pananaw, gusto at pagkatao. Pero minsan minahal kita, minsang tumibok ang puso ko sayo at minsan kitang iniyakan. Masaya lang akong makita kang buhay at habang pinagmamasdan kita, nagpplay ang lyrics sa isip ko... "Hello my friend, we meet again, it's been a while where should we begin. Feels like forever...".

Edited February 23, 2015 by *Jessie*

[D King]

“Don’t you think it’s better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it, than to be just okay for your whole life?”

[shhhhhh]

http://favim.com/orig/201105/03/Favim.com-32275.jpg

[shhhhhh]

"You are my best friend as well as my lover, and I do not know which side of you I enjoy the most. I treasure each side, just as I have treasured our life together."

[daphne loves derby]

things are just aint right,

falling for u then gives me a lot of might.

We tried to enjoy this borrowed time,

and we feel love and happiness all the time.

*But suddenly things were drifting apart,

no wonder why you left me alone in the dark.

but I know it's just part of this life,

just like when you cut me like a knife.

and i bleed...

sure it will heal,

i'll just close my eyes, so i wont feel.

and I wont need your caring arms ever,

For you and I is surely over.

Its good for us both, i feel better now of what i wrote.

thank you for making me feel special, i'll still be right here no matter what kind of trials.

I wont hold a grudge for my heart is not made to bend

you'l always be a friend, I guess well help each other still, in the end.

[*Jessie*]

Sa pagkakataong to, ibibigay ko sayo ang lahat. Bigay lang nang bigay. At hindi ako matatakot na maubusan.

[jmnino]

i thought i know love when i said i love you

is it that i know not love anymore or love i do not have for you anymore

i said i love you but i have unlearned what love is

for even love for myself i am no longer sure if i still have.

[shhhhhh]

http://38.media.tumblr.com/02cbc64d5d9b67aff30d4b93da1147b3/tumblr_ne54mk6pTb1qzk4fno1_500.jpg

[Snapdragon]

when you look beyond the pretty face, the curves, and charm. when you disregard everything, well almost, for that other person.

when you stretch your patience. a little bit more. and more. when you understand the other's shortcomings and highlight yours.

when you learn to step back even if you are certainly right. and never say, "i told you so" and just keep quiet and smile. when all you want is for that other person to be happy...

 

oh, truly you are in trouble. and in love.

 

 

 

 

when you look beyond the pretty face, the curves, and charm. when you disregard everything, well almost, for that other person.

when you stretch your patience. a little bit more. and more. when you understand the other's shortcomings and highlight yours.

when you learn to step back even if you are certainly right. and never say, "i told you so" and just keep quiet and smile. when all you want is for that other person to be happy...

 

oh, truly you are in trouble. and in love.

This is true

[mjtolentino(retired)]

 

You are a beauty that everyone would gaze

Those glistening eyes that utters a thousand words.

Your sweetest smile that can make everybody's day;

And those angelic voice that is music to any ears.

 

Time with you is a constant joy

A moment I wish would never end

In every encounter I see your beauty within,

That keeps me wonder in awe of you.

 

You are so precious and yet so fragile

That I ought to take care unceasingly

And though all the time I may not be at your side

Deep in my heart, my love will always be with you.

[shhhhhh]

"of all the people my heart could have chosen, it decided on a boy who didn't have enough room in his own heart to love someone like me..."

 

[mjtolentino(retired)]

The Storm

 

Here we are standing in the midst of a storm

Where darkness seems to blind our eyes;

Uncertainties begin to cover our minds and thoughts

And fear suddenly embrace our very heart.

 

We both can feel the agony of the pain,

You may start to hate me even if it shouldn't be

For other's trying to destroy my inmost being;

Even you have suffered and it hurts me the most.

 

Lies may linger and may lure us away

But let's not let it happen to us my dear,

For we both know each other better than they do

And the time we had will be our foundation.

 

Let me hold your hand as we face all of these,

I will never leave you for I will be your shield,

I will embrace you when the cold wind blows

And we shall overcome with boldness in our hearts.

 

R.R.

FEBRUARY, 2015

[shhhhhh]

“I have a million things to talk to you about.

A million things we have to talk about.

All I want in this world is you.

I want to see you and talk.

I want the two of us to begin everything from the beginning.”

 

— Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

[dinibdib]

No man is an island...

[blow_gobi]

The signs are all there as if angels are bringing it back the way it was before.