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Writings of the Heart


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“Pag pinag-aagawan ka, malamang maganda ka o gwapo ka. Tandaan mo: Sumama ka sa mabuti, di sa mabait. Sa marunong, di sa matalino. Higit sa lahat, sa mahal ka, di sa gusto ka.”

 

“Hindi porke pinili ka niya ngayon eh ikaw na talaga ang mahal niya. Siguro he just took you for granted kasi ayaw sa kanya nung mahal niya.”

“Paano mo masasabing special ka sa isang tao kung ang bawat ginagawa niya ay ginagawa din niya sa iba.”

 

“Bakit ka magpaparamdam sa taong hindi marunong makaramdam? ‘Wag kang magpakatanga, sa taong hindi marunong magpahalaga. Matuto kang sumuko at mang-iwan, kung lagi ka namang sinasaktan.”

 

“Minsan, kailangan mong maging malakas, para amining mahina ka.”

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Letters we tuck into drawers and never send; a universal letter to lovers.

by Anais Escobar

 

Most days, I don't think of you. I go through the day unaware of your existence in the universe, filling the familiar aches with books and new records and jogs and new faces. My brain is smart and tries to fool me for a while. For a minute, it almost seems as if you never happened at all until the tiniest thing sets me off. Memory is a cruel thing and sharpest when it needs not be. I check my voicemail and hear a saved message from you, one of you imitating Tom Waits to make me laugh when I checked it after class or work, and I feel my throat close up. Tears fill my eyes and I realize that this will be the last voicemail I ever receive from you; this one doesn't even have an i love you in it, it's just pure Tom Waits impersonation. I end the call and rub my eyes.

 

I go about my day and put in my headphones as I shop. Shuffle plays me a song that you put on a mix for me and it all begins again. I cry in Target in between the hair care products and the moisturizer and I realize that nothing is over, that my heart, my habits have not caught up with my ever-wise brain. I'm never alone now except when I'm about to fall asleep and I hope each night that I'm so exhausted that I just crash in to my sheets and black out, a pile of tired bone and sinew. I want to shut off my functions so the thoughts in my head don't reach the rest of my body. I don't sleep, I'm unconscious for a few hours a night.

 

There is something about the absence of someone after a breakup or the end of a romantic entanglement that is felt so deeply, I don't understand it. Even in long distance relationships, the constant comfort of having someone so near to you emotionally leaves a hole inside you. There is a heartwrenching listless feeling that comes and you wander through the day, half of a person. I feel like every time I love someone I give them a part of myself and when things end, I hobble around for a while, missing limbs or an eye, a victim in the the long war we call love. The only comfort is that eventually the parts of themselves they gave to me grow over my wounds and I become a patchwork quilt of my past loves. We're never truly individuals as we are a product of the love and people that shape us. It's the only thought that makes me feel better as I try to forget. I'm trying to forget for now so that soon I can remember and be happy for the love of ours that was.

 

You are weaved into the fibers of my soul in a way that I cannot describe and I love you still for every breath you take, even if those breaths are no longer for me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is so beautiful...

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Nandyan na ako mahal

 

Hihintayin kita sa aking panaginip

Mahihimbing akong sa iyo'y nananabik

Pipikit akong ikaw pa rin ang nasa isip

Hahanapin kita sa aking panaginip

 

Kapag ikaw ay kapiling na

Walang sandaling sasayangin sinta

Bubuhayin natin ang mga mga ala-ala

At kung maari sanay hindi na magising pa

 

Sabay nating tatawirin ang bahaghari

Aakyatin mga ulap hanggang kumulimlim

Hawak-kamay na bibilangin ang mga bituin

Susungkitin natin ang buwan sa gabing taimtim

 

Babalik rin tayo sa ating tagpuan

Kung sa'n nagsimula ating pag-iibigan

Iuukit kong muli ang iyong pangalan

Sa puno na madalas nating sinasandalan

 

Kapag wala na tayong maisip gawin

Dadalhin naman kita sa ating hardin

Uupo ako sa tabi mo at sa langit ay titingin

Muling idadalangin na ako sana'y kunin Niya na rin.

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"Things are not what they seem to be."

Those were the words that you used to weave your way out of the lies that you spoke.

Random thoughts played in my mind since that evening, doubts that consumed me then.

By those same words my reality slowly turned into a nightmare, a dream that I couldn't decipher...

A moment of clarity seemed so far for me to reach, flashes of a life I used to have seems all but gone.

 

Choices were simple then, my life was yours to treasure and mold to your liking. I had given up everything but my soul.

Guess that was not enough for you to stay, you chose a different path for yourself. A path I simply cannot take.

I was too good to you then, all my friends reminded me of that fact and was telling me that I deserve better,

the sad reality is... I spent years building a life that we could be proud of. A life that I now know you'd still want

but will never again be a part of. I love you still... enough to walk way from it all.

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"Ang pag-ibig parang imburnal...nakakatakot mahulog...at kapag nahulog ka, it's either by accident or talagang tanga ka.."

 

Ang lalaki madaling mahalin pag gwapo, galante o may kotse .... ang 'di nila alam, mas masarap mahalin ang lalaking walang maipagmamalaki kundi IKAW!

 

....me quota ang pag-ibig. Sa bawat limang umiibig, isa lang ang magiging maligaya. Ang iba, iibig sa di sila iniibig. O iibig nang di natututo. O iibig sa wala. O di iibig kailanman......

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  • 2 weeks later...

OK NA YUN

 

Masaya ako sa tuwing nakikita kita...pero alam ko namang hanggang dun lang yun....ang importante masaya na rin....

 

Ang cute ng ngiti mo....sobra...natutulala ako, ang korni ko,...e ganon talaga eh...ok na yun...

 

siguro inaantok ka na kanina, gusto sana kitang kausapin pero ok lang...baka ayaw mo rin...di bale....ok na yun...

 

Salamat at masaya na ulit ako ngayon...nandiyan ka kasi...kahit hindi man kita nakakausap ng matagal...at least...nakita kita kanina...ok na yun...

  • Like (+1) 1
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It may not be now, it may not be tomorrow.

It may not be in this lifetime, it may not be in the next life.

But my heart knows only one direction,

And the star of your heart will forever shine in the darkness

To guide it until we are one again.

 

It may not be the easiest, it may not be the hardest.

It may not be as blissful, it may not be as magical.

But my body knows only one being,

And the warmth of your touch will forever be entirely felt

To assure me that we will be one again.

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