Writings of the Heart

[Guest Riveria]

“Alam mo ba ang pinagkaiba ng mga bulag at ng mga nakakakita?”

 

“Paningin?”

 

“Hindi alam ng mga nakakakita kung kailan sila bulag.” - Bob Ong

[RED2018]

Sa mga gabing tulad nito

habang nakaburol

ang mga salitang pumurol

sa dila

at tahimik nating pinaglalamayan

ang balarila

 

nitong pangungulila, wala

nang mas mahusay pang gawin

kundi simsimin ang asim

ng natirang serbesa, ang asim

ng natuyo mong pawis

sa kama, ang asim

 

na ikinalat ko sa iyong leeg,

sa balakang na nanginginig,

sa malambot mong likod at dibdib.

Ang asim, ang asim

ng mapanglaw na tinging

sumusugat sa akin

 

hanggang magmadaling-araw

hanggang umapaw

ang namuong dugo

sa mga labi kong pinupog

mo ng halik

hanggang mangawit

 

ang kasu-kasuan

ng katawang mong

nalamog sa pagtatalik.

Nag-aapurang abala ng telepono

sa malayong tabi,

elektronikong harana

 

sa naghihingalong gabi

ay di natin alintana.

Ganitong wala tayong ibang kasama

dito. Wala tayong ibang kakilala

dito. Wala tayong ibang paniniwala

dito. Wala kahit ano — ikaw lamang at ako —

 

sa mga gabing tulad nito.

[GBLA]

Everything But A Ring

Contributed by ishgumberry

 

 

She gave up on love a long time ago, that much I know.

 

Before, when she thought she was in love, she would come to me and tell me about the new man in her life. She told me time and time again that this would be the man who would take her away, the man who would do everything to make her happy. I only listened. Her eyes would sparkle with every word, and her cheeks would blush with every positive thought, every chunk of her imagination that now seemed within reach. She would giggle and tell me that she would not forget about me. Then, just weeks later, she would be packing her bags, and she would be off to some exotic destination.

 

But then she always came back crying, and she came back with less enthusiasm than what she had whenever she left. This is it, she would tell me. This is the last time. But then she would find someone again who would eventually leave her.

 

I've wondered why so many times. There was nothing wrong with her in my opinion - she had a beauty that shined more when you stared at her longer. She had a good, innocent heart, very childlike and yet containing a deep sense of maturity as well. She was charming and could sweep anyone off their feet without exerting much effort. But somehow, she keeps on falling in love with the wrong men.

 

They were all the same, the men she fell in love with. They were willing to give her the world, and being a young woman, what else could be more romantic? They bought her everything she asked for, and she pleased them. Yet they would end up leaving her in the end, either because they have already had their fun or because their wives found out about her.

 

She would always come back looking much older than she was when she left. But though she may be shedding tears and nursing fears, inside these things only made her stronger. She would go back to the world a rejuvenated person with new hope in her. Then the same thing would happen, and once again, she would close her heart off from the rest of the world.

 

The last time she returned, she told me she had given up on love already. She was tired, she said. The last man had done enough damage to her to last for a lifetime. That was what she told me. Indeed he had changed her life drastically. He was a single man who only wanted companionship, and she, being the innocent lady that she is, had mistaken this desire for companionship for love and passion. Indeed the passion led to their pleasure, and he left her with child. When he found out, he told her that he was willing to support her and their child, and he was willing to give anything that she asked for as long as she does not ask him to marry her. He told her he only wanted companionship, and he was not ready to settle down. When she heard this, it served as the last straw for her, and so she came home and told everyone that she was giving up on love.

 

Now there was a man who was constantly at her side whenever she would get her heart broken. He would always let her cry on his shoulder and tell her that things would be fine. He even offered to take responsibility for the child that she bore from the last failed relationship. For some reason that I do not know, she would not do as much as consider having this man in her life. I had dared ask her only once, and she just shrugged her shoulders in confusion and bewilderment. Maybe it was because she was still jaded when I asked, but I will never know. Anyway, he was always there, and one day he presented her with the one thing that she had always wanted - a ring.

 

"If you're doing that because you feel sorry for me, then just forget it," was what she answered. She let him go thinking he did not deserve her. But he refused to marry because he was waiting for her. Years later she would take him for his husband and live in utter bliss.

 

She gave up on love a long time ago. But then love had different plans. Love would not give up on her, and in the end it was worth the long wait.

 

 

 

 

[Fusarium_jimini]

Dapat pala dito ko na-i-post ito:

 

 

'bee, just got home... thank you very much my babygirl for the attention you give me everytime I'm with you.. Also, I'm so sorry for my rather annoying qualities, some of which I'm sure you hate.. I do admire you as a person and what you've been through; so much so that its the same reason why I got attracted to you in the first place, and why you still linger in my mind..

 

Babygirl, I may not have the traits you look for in a man.. Other than myself, I only have my honest feelings for you to offer. These are the reasons why I want you to be mine; i want to partake in your sacrifices and to be your partner in the realization of your dreams... I want you to be happy in life s_____, to be happy with me..

 

Good morning 'bee. For what you are or aren't to me.. Thanks for being you to me..'

[clandestinecuddles]

I know that we cannot be together

To share happy memories forever

I just hope there's Me and You

To share a love so true

[Fusarium_jimini]

"Look babygirl; please understand and forgive me if I sounded blunt..

 

I really, really want to make you happy as far as I can, to see you smile everytime wee meet...But I am not that well-off as you might have probably thought so..

 

The reality is that, as of now, all that I can give you is myself, to be there for you when you need me be, to lend a shoulder or an ear when you need someone to lean on or listen to you as you share your most cherished dreams...

 

I want you to be happy with me within my means: happy not because of material stuffs; but happy, content, and grateful for the experience and memories of living in this world with me by your side...

 

That is all I can afford to give you my babygirl; myself, the adventure that when can have together, and the happiness that we'll have with each other.."

[RED2018]

If I were an ant, pupunta ako sa arms mo, kakagatin kita as hard as I could. Siyempre, papatayin mo ko. Then, as my poor soul rises to heaven, I’ll whisper in your ears: “I just died in your arms”

 

Heaven? Most people search for it but very few of them find it. I don’t give a damn coz I have you, and with you is a hell of a lot better than heaven.

 

I would give all my treasure…my happiness to never see you sad. I would give up eternity to be with you forever, and the days after forever. I’d give up my everything…except YOU.

 

I had a dream last night: They were taking you away from me. I tried to hide you but they were able to take you away just the same. I tried to wake myself to stop the pain but I never did. Kamuntik na akong bangungutin sa tindi ng aking pagdurusa.

 

Someone once asked me if I really love you. I just kept quiet, closed my eyes, smiled, opened my eyes again, and walked away. Then, I whispered to myself, “mahal na mahal…”

 

Kaya kong tuyuin ang iyong mga luha sa bawat pighati na iyong nararamdaman ngunit kailan mo kaya mapupuna ang mga patak ng aking luha? Pareho lamang tayong sawi…ikaw sa kanya at ako sa iyo. Mabuti pa sigurong tayo na lamang dalawa.

 

When you feel alone, just look at the spaces between your fingers. Remember that in those spaces, you can see my fingers as well, locked with yours forever.

 

You have to put up with the rain to catch the rainbow. Once in a while, it’s nice getting hurt to fortify a pure promise.

 

If I were deaf, I’ll hear your laughter thru your smile; If I were mute, I’ll speak thru your eyes; If I were blind, I’ll see thru your touch. I can live without senses, but life won’t make sense without you.

 

Meeting you was fate, being a friend of yours was a choice, and loving you is everlasting.

 

Let me be your shipmate towards our quest for love and companionship. And should we find it, I’ll treasure it forever, and the days after forever.

 

Some joys are better expressed in silence, as a smile gets more audible than laughter. I was once asked if I enjoy your company, my reply was…just a ready smile.

 

I want my eyes to be your eyes so you could see how wonderful you are. I want my heart to be your heart so you could feel how much you mean to me, and I want my ear to be your ear so you could hear me whisper ‘i love you.’

 

How was I to know that you were watching me sleep? I awoke to see you laying there and just then, you smiled and said hi and that just melted me. I wish with all of my heart that I could wake to your beautiful eyes for the rest of my life.

 

I hated to leave but as I have told you, I left a big part of me with you. It is yours now so, take care and tread lightly. I wish that I could be with you now as you face so many struggles, but know that I am there in spirit and am praying for everything to work out for you. No matter where this life takes us, together or not, know that you will always be in my heart and “my favorite.”

 

When it seems like there’s no one left to run to in this empty world you can come to me I’ll be your shooting star. You can tell me your dreams I can’t promise to make them come true, but I’ll be there to pick up the pieces of your broken heart if your dreams won’t come through.

 

My thoughts are free to go anywhere, but it’s surprising how often they head in your direction. Until you come home to me, every night I fall asleep with your loving letters and pictures beside me to keep me warm all night long. With a kiss upon your face, I gaze into the night dreaming of us, until the next moment I touch you

[Fusarium_jimini]

"Good morning 'bee.. just wanna say that the farther I am from you, the more do I want to be with you. How I wish to be the one to wake you up early dear; to remove that morning-star off your eyes, and wipe that grime off the corner of your lips; to run my fingers through your messy hair, and caress the wrinkles off your face; to plant light kisses on your dimpled cheek, and blow air in your ear..then finally I would whipher, "Good morning, babygirl. Thanks for making my day today ü "

[Queen Darkeinjel]

From an ex

 

I love you...

 

...with all my heart

...with all my mind

...with all my soul

...with all my being

...very much

[Danielle]

the words may not be seen but it's all scattered on the walls...covered, hidden, washed away by the tides...

You broke my heart and you continue to tear it apart... why, Mari... you promised to love me... you did... I wish to just forget everything about you, about us...but things are easier said then done...

 

[girladventure88]

Tadhana.

 

You would know it when they say the rain can make you feel “emo”? That holds so much truth in it.

 

I found myself listening to a really insightful song by Up Dharma Down called “Tadhana.” It’s a very soothing song especially during those rainy days. And the lyrics — they hit too close to home. Tadhana. Fate. Will we ever know?

 

I remember one quote from a movie I really liked, “The Kite Runner,” in which the father of Amir, the main character said, “It may be unfair, but what happens in a few days, sometimes even a single day, can change the course of a whole lifetime.” And it’s true. It CAN change exactly how you see life. And what makes us experience those moments in our lives? Fate. Fate allows us to go through that part of our lives and changes us into what we are today. But I can’t help but ask: Do we really have to leave everything up to fate or do we have to decide and deal with life the way we want to?

 

Today, I caught myself trying to make a sense out of my being single for quite some time now. I was talking to one of my co-workers and I was doing my best to explain to him why I am still single. I told him that I’m having a hard time falling for someone these days, or even like someone for more than a month.

 

A friend of mine tried his best to let his thoughts out about it. Of course some of them were right but we ended up just looking at each other and then we burst into laughter. I finally figured it out that no one knows why. I used to be gullible, aggressive, trusting. I easily fall in love or at least show reciprocation. Things have changed though. I no longer see myself as that person. I was telling this friend I can’t even remember how it felt like to be in a relationship; how it’s like to have someone special in your life, how couples survive a night without dead air, what they do to keep themselves entertained; how a kiss felt, how a simple hug of affection can make things different, how they keep things going, how they make it work.

 

I sat down. Stood up. Walked around. Sat again. I practically went everywhere. Is it fate telling me I’m not yet ready? Is fate telling me I’ve learned from my previous relationships and I’ve had enough of the “crap”? Have I become selective, or was I just traumatized with my past heartaches? I am not exactly sure myself. All I know is that I deserve better and I’m just contented with what I have right now. I’m too happy and I don’t need a man.

 

Answers to this can be very elusive and at the same time confusing. You can never have a solid thought about this because in a minute, you can change your mind and your heart. I really wish I know the answers because fate can be very tricky. Sometimes it’s good but unfortunately, not at all times. Fate can be cruel and mean. Fate can make you feel like a total waste of space. But when fate is nice to you and you’re lucky enough, it makes you feel like you’re always home. Like you have found that missing piece; that one jigsaw puzzle piece you have been searching all along. Sometimes, it can be in a form of a person you fell in love with. But it can also be the simplicity of knowing that it’s all about waiting. And appreciating what you have and not minding about what you don’t have.

 

After a couple of minutes, I sat down beside another good friend of mine and we discussed the same thing. I heard the same response! She told me it’s probably because I still haven’t found someone who just doesn’t make me feel “kilig” inside but someone who has a unique connection with me. A connection no person can make. And as cliché as it goes: a spark. Only fate gives us that. And I agree.

 

Also, I’ve always had that notion that I’d marry early, have kids and a happy family, having my career on the side and my family coming first. That’s before I learned the true essence of love and relationship: that love isn’t always the good stuff, it’s about compromise and acceptance, and being ready for pain and sacrifice, which is never easy.

 

I also learned that TRUE LOVE means not going to a battle alone. I believe fate is what brings true love to two people. When fate decides it’s time, whoever you are, whatever you are, that’s it. And that your FAITH in FATE is something that always gives you that spark of hope of finding exactly what you are looking for.

[Fusarium_jimini]

@girladventure: so true..kept reading it over and over again..though my situation is on the opposite end of the spectrum..your words still apply..

[girladventure88]

^glad you liked it, goodluck with your babygirl.

[Fusarium_jimini]

"Thank you S_____ for the wonderful time you spent with me, for the patience you have extended to me, for the understanding and appreciation you have for me, for the utmost honesty you have shown me.. Keep in mind that you're also kept in my mind, as you are locked inside my heart.. Mahal po talaga kita babygirl; please don't forget that ha? .. Ingat ka tomorrow..

 

Pleasant dreams to you also, bee.. May it be as sweet as your favorite fruit, that brings out those beautiful dimples of yours with every bite "

[Oscars2]

Habang umiihip ang usok sa pisngi ko, sabi mo, “lumipat ka dito sa kabila para di ka mausukan.” Bakit ka kasi naninigarilyo? Hindi man lang dumapo sa pag-iisip ko ang ang mga susunod na pangyayari matapos ang maraming tawanan at masiglang pagpapalitan ng kuro-kuro ng araw na iyon.

 

Alas singko ng umaga, may kadiliman pa, kahit magdamag na inuman ay nagawa ko pa ring magmaneho, pumarada sa tapat ng club house, nakababa ang bintana, hindi ko alam kung anong ginagawa ko doon, sabi mo kasi umaga na matatapos ang party ng mga kaibigan ninyong magasawa at baka hindi ka na makalabas pa ng bahay, "I'll try my best but I will not promise." Dumungaw ka sa bintana ng kotse para mag “Hello.” A very tall girl na may nakakaakit na ngiti, long sleeved na black shirt at maiksing shorts, nakalitaw ang makikinis at mapuputing mga hita, yun na ata ang pinakamagandang tanawin na nakita ko sa loob ng napakatagal na panahon.

 

Mahigit dalawang taong hinanakit at sama ng loob na nakalipas, parang kailan lang, hindi ko pa rin alam ginagawa natin pero bumalik tayo kung saan tayo unang nagkatagpo, ang ganda ng panahon ng gabing iyon, mahangin at may kalamigan, madilim na para makita ng lawa ng Taal. Magkayakap habang nakaupo sa veranda, nakatingala at minamasdan ang mga bituin sa kalawakan, nagiisip habang dinuduyan ng ihip ng hangin ang usok ng sigarilyo, sa wakas ay tayong dalawa na lang, sa wakas ay dumating din ang panahon natin, ito na nga ata, matuloy kaya, bakit pa ba ako nagiisip ng ganito?

 

Malawak ang silid, pinagmamasdan kita habang nakahiga, pinipilit gisingin ang aking sarili, masakit kasing magising sa kalagitnaan ng isang magandang panaginip. Maraming alinlangan ang mga halik mo pero masarap ang dampi ng mga labi mo sa akin, nakakalasing ang amoy mo, napakainit ng mga yakap mo. Hindi ko tinigilan ang leeg, batok at mga tenga mo, katulad ng ipinangako ko mahabang panahon na ang nakalipas. Dahan-dahan kong hinaplos ang katawan mo sa ilalim ng suot mong kamiseta, makinis, malambot, pilit mong pinaglalabanan ang kiliti habang nararamdaman ko ang pagtayo ng iyong mga balahibo. Dalawang segundo at dalawang daliri lamang para unhook ang bra at naramdaman kong nawala ang pagaalinlangan mo, pinaalala mo sa akin ang sarap ng mga halik na matagal ko na ring inasam. Parang panaginip lang, ilang beses ko mang ulit-ulitin sa isip ko ang mga sumunod na pangyayari, napapangiti na lamang ako, naghihintay sa susunod na pagkakataon.

 

Ingat ka lagi. Miss you. Happy Birthday! We are f#&king crazy.