bill_262003 Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 First of all, I wouldn't like to be a hypocrite and say that I haven't done any hanky panky behind the back of my wife. I have committed some "extra" curricular activities behind her back. Going to SPAKOLS, getting PSPs and at one point even a FUBU. So back to the topic, how would you know if he/she is cheating on you? It would take a lot of observation. Observe her pattern, her habits, she have the time/oppurtunity to cheat on you? Another way to know is just by stumbling into it. In my case someone squealed on her. At first I did not believe it (I never met the person who squealed on her, only texted me and eventually e-mailed me). Thus, I actually was ignoring the person. But after the texts, I was beginning to be more observant. First of all, she has the time to cheat on me. She is a full time housewife and spends most of her time in the malls shopping. So she has like 6-7 hours of free time spent on the mall/outside. One thing I noticed though is that she doesn't seem to be spending anything on lunch or breakfast regularly every Thursdays for the past few months. Since she supposedly spends her time in the mall, that is what I monitored: Her bills, her ATM withdrawals, and credit card spendings. So I tried calling the the person who squealed on her. But no luck. Eventually, the same person texted me again, but using a different number. I asked for any proof. He sent an e-mail with pictures of my wife in various states of undress and fully naked. No picture of the guy, nor of any actual sexual act. Just naked pictures of her, but it was enough to convince me. I never confronted my wife even after the "evidences" I have. But because I was affected, she eventually noticed that something was wrong. And she talked to me, and that's when I confronted her. She had an explanation for everything. She does not eat on certain days (Diet daw according to her). She claimed, the pictures where pictures from before our marriage (which I doubt). And she said the picture was taken by an old friend (that I don't even know). I know all of her ex-bfs so it was very convenient (explanation) that it had to be a friend I don't know. She admitted to having sex with that old friend but that was a long time ago daw. I have known she was very active sexually before we met. What bothers me is this, she has told me all of her history and so have I (of all our past sexual encounters) a few months before we got married. That was suppose to be so that there would be no skeletons in the closet. This guy was never ever mentioned. She told me that she didn't want me to judge her if she told me everything months before our marriage, because she has slept with a few guys that she had only dated a couple of times. I also knew she dated a lot and had a lot of suitors before. Actually, this didn't come as a surprise to me, because we already has sex on our third date. So I knew how liberal she was. She did assure me, that that was the past and she is not seing anyone since we got married. I still have my doubts on her. But accepted her explanation for what it is. I do think she knows that I wasn't convinced with her explanation. Ever since I confronted her she has been very attentive to my needs and has even been diligently texting me where she is regularly. She has lessened her mall time during weekdays. I have also said to myself, that who am I to judge her when I too am going to SPAs. Here is what I do believe happend. She did cheat on me (maybe she wanted to relive the days when she was still single). How many times she cheated on me, I will never know and that is already irrelevant. I think the guy squealed on her because she irked him or maybe the guy wanted to go further in their relationship. Then once she was caught, she stopped. She got her priorities straight and stopped. What is my assurance that she will not do it again? None. I do know based on observation, that she is not cheating on me NOW. That is the most important thing for me, the present. The future we have to work at it day by day. This incident happened almost a year already and it seems we have worked things out already. What I learned from this is that a relationship needs a lot of work everyday. Even if things seem to be going ok, you still need to strive everyday to make things work. But only do so if both of you work at your relationship. If only one is working at it, then the relationship is bound to fail. Quote Link to comment
jgc813 Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 (edited) So back to the topic, how would you know if he/she is cheating on you? It would take a lot of observation. Observe her pattern, her habits, she have the time/oppurtunity to cheat on you? Another way to know is just by stumbling into it. It takes a lot of observation... yes, I agree. You really have to observe well, and that entails a lot of time and effort. My only comment to this is that it is very taxing and stressful for the observer. Observing carefully can cause sleeplessness and may even affect your daily routine. You start to observe because you have started to doubt. And when you start to doubt, you are no longer at peace. In my case someone squealed on her. At first I did not believe it (I never met the person who squealed on her, only texted me and eventually e-mailed me). Thus, I actually was ignoring the person. But after the texts, I was beginning to be more observant. First of all, she has the time to cheat on me. She is a full time housewife and spends most of her time in the malls shopping. So she has like 6-7 hours of free time spent on the mall/outside. One thing I noticed though is that she doesn't seem to be spending anything on lunch or breakfast regularly every Thursdays for the past few months. Since she supposedly spends her time in the mall, that is what I monitored: Her bills, her ATM withdrawals, and credit card spendings. So I tried calling the the person who squealed on her. But no luck. Eventually, the same person texted me again, but using a different number. I asked for any proof. He sent an e-mail with pictures of my wife in various states of undress and fully naked. No picture of the guy, nor of any actual sexual act. Just naked pictures of her, but it was enough to convince me. This whistleblower is a "he???" And you do not know each other? What do you think his motive might be that he was squealing on your wife? And how did he secure the naked pictures of your wife? My first thought was that "couldn't he be your wife's lover?" I never confronted my wife even after the "evidences" I have. It's difficult to confront someone you have a doubt on, especially when you don't have proofs. It creates a tension between the two of you. But because I was affected, she eventually noticed that something was wrong. And she talked to me, and that's when I confronted her. She had an explanation for everything. She does not eat on certain days (Diet daw according to her). She claimed, the pictures where pictures from before our marriage (which I doubt). And she said the picture was taken by an old friend (that I don't even know). I know all of her ex-bfs so it was very convenient (explanation) that it had to be a friend I don't know. She admitted to having sex with that old friend but that was a long time ago daw. I'm not saying your wife is cheating on you. What I'd like to point out is that cheaters have always very good alibis, and explanations for everything and anything. I have known she was very active sexually before we met. What bothers me is this, she has told me all of her history and so have I (of all our past sexual encounters) a few months before we got married. That was suppose to be so that there would be no skeletons in the closet. This guy was never ever mentioned. She told me that she didn't want me to judge her if she told me everything months before our marriage, because she has slept with a few guys that she had only dated a couple of times. I also knew she dated a lot and had a lot of suitors before. Actually, this didn't come as a surprise to me, because we already has sex on our third date. So I knew how liberal she was. I posted somewhere that I have very strong reservations for women who (1) have had several failed relationships, and (2) have had several sexual partners, more so if the sexual encounters were casual. That means, sex came easy in the past, and it could come easy in the future as well. I'm not too sure if promising that everything will stop after marriage will really be so. The converse could also be true, i.e., my points referring to the male. She did assure me, that that was the past and she is not seing anyone since we got married. I still have my doubts on her. But accepted her explanation for what it is. I do think she knows that I wasn't convinced with her explanation. I can understand your situation. Ever since I confronted her she has been very attentive to my needs and has even been diligently texting me where she is regularly. She has lessened her mall time during weekdays. I have also said to myself, that who am I to judge her when I too am going to SPAs. Here is what I do believe happend. She did cheat on me (maybe she wanted to relive the days when she was still single). How many times she cheated on me, I will never know and that is already irrelevant. I think the guy squealed on her because she irked him or maybe the guy wanted to go further in their relationship. Then once she was caught, she stopped. She got her priorities straight and stopped. What is my assurance that she will not do it again? None. I do know based on observation, that she is not cheating on me NOW. That is the most important thing for me, the present. The future we have to work at it day by day. This incident happened almost a year already and it seems we have worked things out already. Bro... this should be a lesson to you also. Since you have been affected by this event, you, too, should be sensitive to your partner. Invert your situation, and one of your other partners squeal on you... how would you think she would feel? Remember the golden rule. "Do not do unto others what you wouldn't want done to you." What I learned from this is that a relationship needs a lot of work everyday. Even if things seem to be going ok, you still need to strive everyday to make things work. But only do so if both of you work at your relationship. If only one is working at it, then the relationship is bound to fail. Well said! I could not have stated it any better. Edited March 14, 2012 by jgc813 Quote Link to comment
iRapedSatan Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 You'll find it out for sure. Quote Link to comment
rachelleferrariz Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 kpag hnd n xa gumgawa ng way para mkipagcommunicate xau Quote Link to comment
von_vader Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 its really difficult to say lalo na pag experience na ung girl or guy sa multiple relationships, compared to those na 1st time magka bf or gf.. Quote Link to comment
rockchic Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 What is my assurance that she will not do it again? None. I do know based on observation, that she is not cheating on me NOW. That is the most important thing for me, the present. The future we have to work at it day by day.^^^This is true, I picked up some interesting quote there. Thank you for sharing. It's very rare for men to actually live in the present especially in the case of the cheating woman. At least you've chosen to move on and not dwell on it. In my case, I always know when he's cheating. Evidence presents itself. Quote Link to comment
SaintPeter5858 Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 If she's magalitin Quote Link to comment
U.P. AdMU2008 Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 The truth will come out. Quote Link to comment
BrightestStar Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 Usually from her own words. Quote Link to comment
chrispt21 Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 There will be signs such as: He/she acts differently, does not tell you he loves you anymore, does not kiss or hug you goodbye. If he/she does kiss, it is on the forehead & the hug is barely there. Has a hard time looking at you or talking to you. Comes home a lot later than he usually did & has no explanation. It makes no sense like suddenly hanging out with someone he never even got along with before. Quote Link to comment
BrightestStar Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 You must keenly observe your partner just in case. Quote Link to comment
U.P. AdMU2008 Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 It's like smoke, it will come out. Quote Link to comment
chrispt21 Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 Days without showering at home, but your partner seems to have showered. Quote Link to comment
BrightestStar Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 Hmmmm... she will eventually tell it. Quote Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.