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Where Do You Go When You're Lonely?


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Usually ... lock myself in my room, lately. I would either listen to angry music, India Arie or my bestfriend's acapella songs on CD. If it's evening, I'd set the mood and light up a candle in the middle of the room.

 

I'd read past entries in my journal ... then write EXACTLY what I'm feeling at the moment.

 

EVEN ...

 

Read old books.

 

EVEN ...

 

logon, immerse myself online.

 

EVEN ...

 

Find myself somehow DRAWN to the Greenbelt Chapel ... whenever I'm in Makati.

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Dati noong college stud pa ako sa baguio sa chapel doon ako sa chapel kakabingi kasi katahimikan doon kaya konte lang ang tao, nice place to talk with myself...

 

Now na nandito ako sa metro manila options ko ay walk and walk and walk to anywhere (nalakad ko na crossing to baclaran)... or i go to Pier one taft drink alone sa rooftop... its quite and nice...

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When i'm lonely, i cry. I let my tears pour my hurts away.

 

At times, i lock myself up in my bedroom. when i was younger and more religious, i spend the whole day at the blessed sacrament chapel. those were the times i have all the time in the world.

now that i barely have time in my hands, i just look for a private place where i can cry. after which, i'd feel better already.

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I write.

 

Writing forces me to put order in the chaos that is my troubled thoughts. Writing forces me to find the right words for these thoughts, and in finding the right words, these thoughts become more material, more tangible... more real.

 

Between finding the right words and figuring out the necessary action, is but a short leap.

 

LC

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