Viola

Officially 40. Let's see where life takes me. 

Oh gosh im drunk. Hahaha

One moment we were happy, the next moment, im seriously thinking of ending things. In that moment, I could not see a future with him. 

He said he loves me before going to bed. I could not say it back to him. At that moment, I was thinking, I thought he was my partner, but why are we now off to do separate things and hope we arrive at the same place. 

Pwede bang iiyak ko na lang 'to. 

Question: is it better when you do it on a round bed vs a rectangular bed? Why or why not?

Context: my bestfriend and i were looking at themed motel rooms for the heck of it and we saw a room with a round bed. She casually mentioned, it is easier and better with a round bed and she wont tell me why. 

Snapped at another man who thinks they know what's good for me. 

So frustrating. He made me wait the whole day only to say he is too tired and wants to sleep. Di ka na lang sana tumawag. Sigh. 

So i broke up with him. He said he doesn't want to break up. But, i decided unless there is a change, i'll only end up getting hurt.

So now im at a difficult stage of missing him and wanting to go back to him, or being strong enough to hold my ground.

My heart aches at this point. Eventhough i love him, I can't let his verbal abuse continue. Im not a doormat.

So stressed

So stressed that even the smallest thing can trigger me.

So stressed. Can anybody talk right now

So stressed. I have a guest that won't go away. Eventhough I clearly asked her to go home already 

Spent the weekend with my bestfriend which is fine. But it is now Monday and i have things to do and i cant get anything done because she's still here.

Im very stressed 

So this is how burnout feels like. Im physically and mentally exhausted. I need a break. 

So tonight has updated as well... I wonder if there will be some changes to the content too

So we've broken up. That's it. Just a lets break up and we were done.

So what does being an important person to someone mean? Ayaw mag label, pero pag sinabi mong itigil na, iiyakan ka? If asked, what am i? Important person lang. Ano un? 

Sa mga guys, ano ibig sabihin nun? He cant say he likes me, pano pa kaya love. Pero iiyakan ka pag gusto mo na lumayo. Bakit? 

Sa understanding ko, if a man likes/loves a woman, he can definitely say it. 

So eto na naman kami, i'll try to end things with him and he'll pull me back in. 

Im getting tired na rin. Baka this time, move on na ko. 

Someone told me to go out, live life and do it. Let go of trust issues and insecurities. Should I? Im a very cautious person. I should at least trust the person i'll go out with. 

Soooooo drunk

Spent the day wallowing in bed again.

Spent the entire night crying... 

Started my new diet yesterday. Im now on a Keto meal service and IF. The portions were so small yesterday that I literally cried because i was so hungry.

But I really want to lose weight for my own health as well because I want to look good for my boyfriend. So Im sticking with it.

Gutom na gutom n nga lang ako. It is a period of adjustment so i might settle into this new diet by next week. 

Staying up to meet work deadline. Fun night. Had my 2nd cup of coffee for the night.

Still wanting to go out. Sigh

Still working through issues but we are fighting less now.  I realize how jealous I am, but he is trying to be as honest and transparent as possible. There are temptations, but we both choose to stay away from them. We both know we are building something and while it is too early to tell, it seems like we both want what we have to last.

The past few days has made me sad. I guess today is the last blow. Anybody up for a chat? I could use really use someone to talk to today.