Lipstick

Dear God,

Please help me be wise in my packing!!!!! Seriously, thank you for always being with me. Please keep my family and friends safe while I am away from them.

-L-

Dear God,

Just a quick one before I lose the moment. Thank you for all your blessings, most especially the ones you gave me last Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. Plus the big bonus you gave me today. I'll write you a longer letter tonight promise!

-L-

Dear God,

At last! I've been kinda cranky about not being able to write you my nightly letters due to my pc breakdown and then the board going kaput. Strangely I get the feeling that you get to read them. How ironic isn't it? Of all places, you would read them here on an adult board.

It hasn't been easy God and yet you always come to my rescue at a time I seem to need it most, at a time when I feel like all has been lost and all I can do is watch how a dream is slowly put to rest. I don't quite know why things happen as they do, they just do. There are days when I can see so clearly and then there are days when everything is shrouded in a veil just like the earth is when gray clouds hover. And through it all I really never asked why .... I just keep on praying that you bless me with the clarity of heart I need.

Yes with each day it seems to get a lil better, baby steps indeed. Please continue to guide me and him as well. If there is anyone who knows just how much I love him it would be you. And knowing this, I pray that you keep him safe always and guide him to the path of his true happiness. He has strayed and he feels a little lost now, please walk with him --- please walk with me as I try to walk beside him. I know this is no guarantee that he would walk back to a place we both know as home. There was a time he carried me when I could walk no more, he carried me despite the fact that he knew I may not return with him. This time please let me be the one, give me the strength, courage and grace. I want to embrace this cross. That's what you taught me God the last couple of years ... you never gave up on me, you don't give up on people you love. And now I am not going to give up on him.

Thank you for my girls, for my family, for my friends from which I draw much of my love and strength from. Thank you for you. Thank you for understanding and making them understand that this is a time he needs me to be strong for him and us.

Oh thank you for that little surprise tonight. I really really appreciate it God, it's just what I needed.

I know I'm incoherent already so I'll just meet you back in the conversation we always have right before I surrender to slumber. Thank you for today and may tomorrow be a beautiful day like today.

-L-

for all her problems O God please guide her and Give her the grace to be in you light always. She is a very beautiful person and deserves all your love and care. God grant that she attains the graces that she asks and in her pains and in her grief for the different problems she bears day to day, grant of God that she does not feel so alone. Let her feel your presence amidst all the challenges and difficulties she and her family bears. Every day is a challenge to her faith in you and the faith of her family. Do not let her feel so abandoned, lost and alone. This I ask thru your son OLJC. Amen

Dear God,

I'd like to whisper a prayer to you for whoever he is praying for. A very special prayer for her because she seems to be a very special person. May you grant her days filled with sunshine, a heart overflowing with love so that she may have plenty to share with others. I'm certain many people depend on her too. Please always bless her. I'm willing to give up one happy day meant for me so you can give it to her. I'll be okay.

-L-

Beloved,

You make my heart flutter with uncertainty and promise. Tonight you almost sent me to the nadir of despair. The battle isn't over I know but strangely I feel that all will not be lost. You don't know just how much I appreciate your effort. I was right about you from the very beginning. You are a good man. And that is why I love you so. And that is why I will never give up on you. I've said this many times, many ways in the past 5 years and tonight I say it again.

Once in a lifetime you meet someone who changes your life in so many positive ways. Once in a lifetime you love someone that changes all you have learned about love. Once in a lifetime God keeps his word, his promise to you. Once in a lifetime beloved, will I have you in my life. How could you ever think I could walk away from this? Not now, not ever. You have always kept the dream alive for both of us even in the most trying of times when the dream seemed to have vanished, despite the biggest of bumps we have had along the way. How could I not be with you till the end of forever? I love you so.

If I had to make several choices, I would choose you time and again, over and over, several times.

Have that peaceful sleep that has long eluded you the past weeks and may the angels bring my love to you on their wings. Whatever happens, you will always be the one I truly love.

-L-

Dear God,

You know why I am worried tonight. Let's just keep it our secret. I know that whatever you decide to bless us with you also have the right to take back. Please prepare me well for the day you have to take him back. I have never questioned your better judgement God and I will not question you on this one. Just keep me strong, gracious and magnanimous. Please do not make me a jaded or bitter person should my worst nightmare come to fruition. Please continue to let me be the person I am, a lot of people depend on me and you do know that I am doing a good job in fulfilling my role in their lives. I'm doing good God, please allow me to continue doing so.

Thank you for the fresh air I had today with friends, it has been a while since I managed to feel this light. More importantly, thank you very much for that encouragement I needed when I was on the verge of giving up tonight.

I have learned much the past 6 days, please continue to make me see the good things in the face of all hurt and sadness. I know if I pull through this with him there can be nothing that can shake us anymore. It can only but deepen the love and commitment.

So let me end my fan mail to you with the same prayer the girls and I say ... Thank you for today and may tomorrow be a beautiful day like today. Amen.

Dear God,

A quick note before I tune off to the world. Let me just repeat a lil prayer my angels and I pray each night (from a whole long list of prayers! hehe) .... "God, thank you for today and may tomorrow be a beautiful day like today. Amen."

He hasn't been sleeping too well at nights, I suspect because he is filled with all these "what ifs." Please do continue to guide him God. I want him to be truly happy and if the guidance you give reveals not the road home to me then I will embrace it.

But for now, I will enjoy the excellent weather. Good night God.

p.s. Oh, I would really appreciate it if you could expedite my visa.

Dear God,

Thank you for today. Really really. Gosh I sound like a kid don't I? Well you know that I still am one even if I'm like a third of a century old and have two kids.

Thanks for the gazillion meetings today that went well. Most especially that last meeting ... thank you for making my client arrive on time and thank you for the bloodless, short meeting!

Thank you for making the lil angel well, the fever is gone although she's still got that funny froggy, croaky voice due to the cough and cold. Thank you for making me closer to my eldest daughter these past few days. Thank you for making her the way she is, thank you for giving her the resilience and understanding needed having a mom like me. She is just so wonderful! Thanks too for making her not feel awkward anymore when I hug her and kiss her lots!

Thank you for friends who stood by me, holding my hand through my darkest hours. Thank you for people who don't really know me from a bar of soap but offered a prayer, a wish, a kind word. Thank you for reminding me how good it is to be alive.

Thank you for guiding him. I don't know what happened in the last 72 hours but whatever it is please continue to guide him.

Please also continue to humble me so I may not forget what it is like to be in need. That I may be able to offer the same kindness I have been shown to those who are hurting.

Thank you for giving me the ability to dream and to keep the dream alive.

-L-

Dear God,

Just a quick note before I sleep, thank you for today. Things aren't normal yet but thank you for that little semblance.

Thank you for my daughters and family. They have been so good to me. Thank you for well meaning friends, they have been so helpful. Thank you for the promise you kept, whichever way this goes now I will always be grateful for this dream you gave me.

Please continue to guide him God, he needs your help.

-L-

Dear God,

I've been wanting to write you but it has just been more convenient to talk to you. But I'm sure, like me, you love receiving letters ... in this case fan mail. I meant to write to you yesterday but I found myself in a situation too painful to write, too painful to put words to. I'm sorry.

I don't know the things you have planned and I try my best to graciously embrace the corner you have carved for me. It's just been very difficult lately but I never questioned you. You have given me a special gift of knowledge and discernment that sometimes hurts me more than I think I can carry.

Thank you for the allowances you afford me. Thank you for the big and small things you send my way to remind me that you will never give up on me. Thank you for sending them in the form of family, friends, strangers who care. Thank you for the tears you give me to replace the things life takes away. Thank you for the smiles and the giggles which lighten my spirit.

Please do not keep me broken for long, I have people who need me. I have daughters to be a good mother to, I have a family to be a good daughter and sister to, I have friends who will need my strength someday.

Lastly for today, thank you for that ember of hope tonight. Please guide him and walk with him. I hope you lead him to where he truly belongs even if it means it isn't the road home to me.

Please grant me the strength I need when one dream dies. I love you God, please don't let me go.

-L-

Thank you for your friendship, your prayers and good thoughts. For those who had shed tears for me, know that your tears made my pain more bearable. You all know who you are.

I don't know if my friendship can ever repay the goodness you have graciously extended but do know that when you find yourselves a little lost, far away from what you know as home, I will be right there walking with you.

People here don't really know you guys, they don't know the goodness in your hearts. But I do. I'm the lucky one to have all of you as friends.

-L-

Beloved,

You are so cruel. When I think you can break my heart no more than you have, you manage to surprise me ... quite unpleasantly. You are unmoved, beyond care. But the most tragic thing about this all is that I will always carry you with me. And despite the things that hurt me right now, I could love no other like I love you.

-L-

For my two angels .....

God Only Knows

Beachboys/Langley School's Music Project

(You may think that) I may not always love you

But long as there are stars above you

You never need to doubt it

I'll make you so sure about it

God only knows what I'd be without you

If you should ever leave me

Though life would still go on believe me

The world could show nothing to me

So what good would living do me

God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows what I'd be without you

If you should ever leave me

Well life would still go on believe me

The world could show nothing to me

So what good would living do me

God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows

God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows

Mommy would be nothing without both of you

Cee,

I was the one who deleted your post and jazzmine's post due to its OT nature. You yourself said it was OT. If your post was in the RANTS and RAVE thread then no MOD would have the right to delete your post. It's nothing personal.

Now, I don't know which post you are referring to that was OT by a MOD. I just caught the last page of the thread and deleted as I deemed it fit. But if you must know, there have been instances where MODS delete other MODS' posts due to OT, but of course you also never notice this because you also don't monitor all the threads. Just because you personally don't see it happening it doesn't mean that it doesn't happen.

If you have a problem with this then kindly report it via PM to any ADMIN. I shall remain steadfastly righteous in my decision of deleting your post and jazzmine's post. See, the problem with OT posts is that they encourage more OT posts so MODS are tasked to nip them at the bud.

p.s. I just checked the last 2 pages of the said thread and the only MOD that posted would be me. What was so OT about my post?

Sometime Later

Alpha (Martin Barnard)

Touch my hand

It's only me, listen

I'm here.

Come to stand

In sultry fields

With you.

And now

Old dummy day

I know

Is over this way.

I'm laughing

Saw you gonna kiss me

You see

Yeah as I said.

One day she won't

A lonely bird

Alone.

Judgement day

Saw the world it's gone

Unheard.

Sold the sea

A lot how it feels to me.

I hate the word it's sad to see

I take your weight

And your heart fades away

Today a renegade

To lay in woods

By the pheasants.

I mean it

You don't

Force on my head

k*ll our nightmare.

A lonely bird, a lonely bird

A lonely bird, a lonely bird

A lonely bird, alone.

Colour me

Cover me in the colour that reminds you

Solemnly.

Could make the same mistake

And you would never know

That I am, that I am

Alone, now.

Something, something

Tells me that you

Have something

On, all of us now

You're heaven

Taking over me now

Colour me hate

Raw little nerve

Colour me and pull us

Only home

Me home.

Hold the sun down

Hold the sun down

Hold the moon down

Leave me to rest

Want the world man

Too the words out

Only relief is

To slip through the nets

Hold a minute

And stop a minute

And go, oh oh

Hold a minute

You said to me

Said to me and

Breath, breath, breath, breath, breath ...

You said it to me

Sometime later

And once again the endless circle of mistakes makes it's journey....

God Give Me Strength

Elvis Costello/Kristen Vigard

Painted from Memory OST

Now I have nothing, so God give me strength

'Cause I'm weak in his wake

But if I'm strong I might still break

And I don't have anything to share

That I won't throw away into the air

That song is sung out

This belle is wrung out

He was the light that I'd bless

He took my last chance at happiness

So God give me strength, God give me strength

I can't hold onto him, God give me strength

When the phone doesn't ring

And I'm lost in imagining

Everything that kind of love is worth

As I tumble back down to the earth

That song is sung out

This bell is rung out

He was the light that I'd bless

He took my last chance at happiness

So God give me strength,

God if he'd she'd grant me his indulgence and decline

I might as well wipe him from my memory

Fracture the spell as he becomes my enemy

Maybe I was washed out like a lip-print on his shirt

See, I'm only human, I want him to hurt

I want him

I want him to hurt

Since I lost the power to pretend

That there could ever be a happy ending

That song is sung out

This bell is rung out

He was the light that I'd bless

He took my last chance at happiness

So God give me strength, God give me strength

My dearest darling daughter,

I'm sorry. I know I haven't been the best parent you could have. I'm sorry for always dragging you into the mess I call my life. You with your own pain, sitting there pretending everything is okay in your world. You who sit there that wipes the frown off my face, the tears off my eyes as your own heart cries.

I wish I could tell you that life is easy. I wish I could live my life better if only to give you hope. I wish I could erase all that hurt for you. I wish I had chosen a better father for you. I wish I could give you a better mom. But you have to know that I love you more than anything in this world. And I would embrace any pain if only to ensure that you and your sister will not have to know a day of tears.

I know I said that I needed someone to be strong for me, I forget. You have always been the strong one. You have always been there for me. You have always held me as I cried, asking no questions and just loving me unconditionally.

I've told you this time and again -- when I grow up, I want to be exactly like you. I still do. You are my bestest friend. I love you more than you, anyone or this whole world would ever know. No child should ever be without a mother. I am here now, everything will be okay.

Mommy

Thank you. I wish I knew of a more eloquent and articulate way to tell you how much I appreciate the time and friendship you have extended. But I find that at a time like this my intelligence deserts me and I am stripped of the words I know how to write so well.

I awoke this morning feeling nothing for 10 seconds. It was the sweetest 10 seconds of knowing no pain. But as my mind slowly slipped into its own world, I grew weary. I'm tired of having to be the strong one always. Just this once, I need someone to be strong for me.

I'm sorry to burden you, thank you for being that warm light across the cold 3,200 kilometers of sea listening to me cry. I know everyday is a new day fresh without mistakes filled with promises of good things to come. I know I will be okay. But for now I need to cry for this sadness that only I alone can own.

-L-

May I remind members to please post your favorite dish and not your favorite dish at a certain restaurant/food outlet or else this thread will have to be merged into an existing thread "The Best Food in Metro Manila merged with Pulutan, Siopao, Sisig" etc. http://manilatonight.com/index.php?showtopic=2258 located in the Guest Room.

Thanks.

AA Anniv Inuman at Bistro 110 along Carlos Palanca St., Legaspi Village in Makati! Join us if you are free.

Merging "Got A Pet?, what is it? cat?dog? name? breed?" from the Member's Lobby into this thread (Pet Lovers Anyone? - "Anong Inaalagaan Ninyo?").

AA at 90Proof last night or should I say early morning! Dobs, Vogs, BB, 8 of Orbs, Javameister, Z and Vixen.

My Signature scent:

 

Light Blue by D&G

Naks Dolce! Bagay.

Gotta agree, lately it's D&G Light Blue for me as well. I like interchanging this with the lightly sweet and fresh clean smell of Body Shop's Olive Dry Oil Mist.

I know that despite us being old engineers, we need to advertise ourselves like any shameless sales and advert guy/gal.

Dear Chief:

Not all advertising people are shameless.

-L-

Sheila, that was beautiful. It made me weep. Your baby is lucky to have you for a mommy. Remember, all the good things your baby is right now flows from you.

Parenthood isn't about DNA, it's about the decision you consciously make to be responsible for another life other than your own; its about the love you give without asking back; it's about the little sacrifices you make without even thinking that it was an inconvenience; it's about allowing yourself to be vulnerable and make mistakes so that you would know better how to teach your child; it's about embracing all the hurt the world may hurl your way with a smile so that your child can know what it is to be loved and to be happy.