styx189 Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 give your guy around two weeks. i don't think whatever decision he has to make will take that long for him to reflect on or consider. if after 2 weeks he still hasn't tried to get in touch with you then maybe you should start to accept things as they are and start moving on with your life. Quote Link to comment
aerial voyager Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 i need to understand this... after an argument...it was obvious he got upset with me...then he said he wants his space. I asked him if this means he's no longer my bf...he says "hindi na lang muna. You know how much I love you but i just can't right now." When i asked him if he would come back to me after he has sorted out whatever issues he has at the moment...he said "Oo, nagkakandarapa pa." I asked him if his love for me would outweigh whatever his going through now...he says "hopefully..." What does he mean by all of this?! I am giving him his space...i hurt in the process...and i don't know if he's ever coming back... i need advise...<{POST_SNAPBACK}> hello, just read your "love problem" ...2 tell u honestly, ive been through it. just imagine me, filling the shoes of that "he" wanting his space..i think i may know his reasons, coz, as iv told u, iv gone through that. Im not here to offend you, or help u loosen up your burden, bcoz actually, what im going to tell you is, should i say... nasakal sya sau, i may not know your history both, but according to u, he got upset. asking for space is just a guy's defense mechanism so as to dump a girl...lalake kasi eh, were not used on saying it, but we can initiate it..gets? dont get upset on me ha, im just trying to air wat i think is the reason for your bf asking that "space"...now, ur wondrin if he'll come back? dont get me wrong ha, i dont think he will, now that he's free? but i did believe him wen he sed dat he luvs you, i guess, your bf's still on his early 20's, correct me if im wrong...un kase usually ang mentality ng mga guys on that wavelength.. but still, dats just my opinion and my advise based from experience. and to that girl that i'v asked my space..who knows, im so sorry... magulo lang talaganako, sorry if iv been a jerk.and 2 u love patient, goodluck, hopefully, maenlighten ka of this reality of us men..ciao! Quote Link to comment
Manticore Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 (edited) i need to understand this... after an argument...it was obvious he got upset with me...then he said he wants his space. I asked him if this means he's no longer my bf...he says "hindi na lang muna. You know how much I love you but i just can't right now." When i asked him if he would come back to me after he has sorted out whatever issues he has at the moment...he said "Oo, nagkakandarapa pa." I asked him if his love for me would outweigh whatever his going through now...he says "hopefully..." What does he mean by all of this?! I am giving him his space...i hurt in the process...and i don't know if he's ever coming back... i need advise...<{POST_SNAPBACK}>How bad was the argument? Was the issue something which merited this kind of reaction? How frequent have your arguments been? If he was deeply hurt by the argument, then it must've been an extremely personal matter---something that hit home, so to speak. Otherwise, I don't see why it couldn't be worked out between the two of you. If, on the other hand, this has been one in so many arguments you've had in the course of the relationship, then maybe he's already had his fill of it. Let's just assume that this is the case. If so, then he's now in the process of considering the fate of your relationship. His need for space is an attempt to sort things out without you influencing his thoughts. It's come to a point wherein he can no longer deal with it, because he's lost his perspective, somewhat. I don't wish to paint a grim picture, but his own words belie the fact that it's the end (or a very convincing ruse, a ploy to drive home a point, so you'd finally take him seriously.) In any case, you'll just have to respect his wishes. Otherwise, you'd aggravate the situation (or turn out looking too needy.) Show him that you can handle the situation. Give him his space. This way, he'll truly realize what's important to him---and you'll know what his priorities are. If an appreciable amount of time has elapsed, it wouldn't hurt to give him a call and ask how things are on his end. Besides, too much time already means something. If he's waiting for you to make the first move, then the healing starts here. If not, then at least your questions aren't left hanging in the air. In addition to this, may I say that if he is no longer receptive to your efforts at contacting him, then take it as a cue. You'll only be prolonging your own agony. Easier said than done, I agree. You'll just have to go on with your life, in the meantime. You're still an individual. Life doesn't have to end with him gone...whether it be only temporary or something permanent. Edited February 7, 2005 by Manticore Quote Link to comment
Patric_NigeL Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 i need to understand this... after an argument...it was obvious he got upset with me...then he said he wants his space. I asked him if this means he's no longer my bf...he says "hindi na lang muna. You know how much I love you but i just can't right now." When i asked him if he would come back to me after he has sorted out whatever issues he has at the moment...he said "Oo, nagkakandarapa pa." I asked him if his love for me would outweigh whatever his going through now...he says "hopefully..." What does he mean by all of this?! I am giving him his space...i hurt in the process...and i don't know if he's ever coming back... i need advise...<{POST_SNAPBACK}> Hi, when someone tells you this...well, there's a 50-50 chance that your relationship is falling apart. but during this time, why don't you reflect... such as Question yourself...why?why is he/she doing this?what did i go in the past?were there any argument before he/she spill this out? 2ndly, have you read a book entitiled "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"if you have read that book, Men are usually like rubber band...they stretch...and stretch...until they go back to its original state. meaning...Men daw are like rubber band...malambing...then later on he wants to be solo. Quote Link to comment
chelly Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 he finaly replied to my text yesterday...after about 5 days of breaking up and rejecting any contact with me...he said sorry for being rejecting of those attempts. and i told him that i'm not going to force the issue but that i'm here only because i wanted to simply wish him well. he wished me well also and basta ingat daw muna ako. i told him that i pray that he would find his way back to me because what we had was good and true. it may be imperfect like all other relationships are but it was rare. I just wish that he would be able to find his way back to me...in time. To that he said "i know. it was really good and true." Nakatulog ako ng mahimbing...knowing that at least he realized and acknowledged the fact that what we had was good. Hindi man siya bumalik sa akin at least he would remember me in a good way. He's in his mid 20's and I'm on my early 30's. Seeing it through his eyes... yes it may be that I was a burden to him...because i was pre-occupied in dealing with the world while he is at this moment loving the world. I became a negative stimulus to him. It is just natural to reject someone who makes you feel bogged down by problems of the world when you're on the top of the world, right? It may sound estoteric but then it makes perfect sense. At this point in time...we're undergoing two different phases in our lives...yeah...it's an age thing. And because of that we are not in synch with each other. I realize it's not that the love is gone...it's still there...and it's totally not the issue. In fact it may be just incidental to the experience. It's about going through life...it may be painful and we may not be able to understand it completely...but at this point we're not aligned..he's on a different stage and I'm on a different plane as well. Life is complicated...but then to resist it would do more harm than good. So yes, I'm letting him go to rediscover himself without me. I'm doing this because I love him...and because he's entitled to it. Till the very end...my support goes out to him. If it's the last expression of love...even if it hurts to let go...i'll do it. It's not martyrdom...it's learning from the experience...it's gaining wisdom which i hope i could share with him. Quote Link to comment
Guest Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 To that he said "i know. it was really good and true." It may sound estoteric but then it makes perfect sense. At this point in time...we're undergoing two different phases in our lives...yeah...it's an age thing. And because of that we are not in synch with each other. Life is complicated...but then to resist it would do more harm than good. So yes, I'm letting him go to rediscover himself without me. I'm doing this because I love him...and because he's entitled to it.<{POST_SNAPBACK}> you sound resigned to the fact that he's gone forever. he sounds as if he's given up as well. yes, it's an age thing. he's at a stage in life where he realizes that he has a lot of freedom and youth. give him time. that's the best thing you can do for the meantime. in the meantime, do things that will distract you. but don't ever do anything that you will regret later on like sleeping with another man. he may never want you back if he finds out and you'll never forgive yourself the morning after Quote Link to comment
Bungo The Elder Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 My two cents. Take it from a guy. Walang cliche-cliche, walang melodramatic lines at iba pang kabaklaan. Gusto niya ng space. Bigyan mo siya ng space, ganoong kasimple. Giving him space meaning no contact whatsoever. No text messages, no calling his phone in the middle of the night even when you just can't take it anymore and you desperately want to talk to him. Ang lalaki, pag nagsalita - yun na yun. Wala nang mind games, walang reading between the lines like the women always seem to do. Di namin kayang magmulti-tasking. Pag may kailangang pag-isipan ng mabuti, bibitawan muna lahat ng ginagawa para tutukan yun. I wouldn't know your history (tinamad mag-back read, hehehe). Maaaring may nagawa ka at nabuwisit lang sa iyo. Mahal ka pa kaya lang naiinis lang sa iyo. Bigyan mo ng panahong makapag-cool-down ang galit sa iyo. Pag nag-initiate ng communication, tsaka mo amuhin. Takot sa commitment at natatakot na sobrang intimate na kayo sa isa't-isa. Maaaring nasasakal na sa iyo (well, medyo harsh ang term pero ganoon talaga ang tawag e). Na-praning at siguro binangungot na kasal na kayo. Natakot dahil bata pa at di pa sawa sa buhay-binata. He may have an idea of how your relationship should run kaya lang ang pace sa utak mo e mas mabilis para sa kanya. Solusyon: wala kang magagawa kung di maghintay. Kung mahal ka talaga at naisip na mas ok na kasama ka kaysa wala ka, babalik rin iyan. Ang masakit, maaari ring he's trying to dump you - pero letting you down easy. Maling idea ito na gentlemanly ang ganitong diskarte (i should know, gawain ko ito dati). Konting distansiya, konting communication, konting contact tapos ikaw na ang mabubuwisit at makikipaghiwalay. Or he's planning on dumping you kaya lang he's planning to think it over PRIVATELY. Ang mahalaga, mag-usap kayo ng masinsinan. Tanungin mo kung ano ba talaga ang balak niya? Cool-off lang ba talaga? Sabihin mo na kung ayaw na niya, sabihin niya to your face. Mahirap yung nakabitin ka sa alanganin at maghihintay sa wala. Para sa akin kasi mas mahirap yun. And be prepared for the consequences. Maybe you are just making a mountain out of a molehill. Malay mo, cool-off LANG talaga. Just wait. He'll contact you when he's ready. Quote Link to comment
Bungo The Elder Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 What the? Ambilis yata a? Late na pala ang reply ko. Nagbreakfast lang ako e tapos na agad. Sorry about what happened. Anyway, kung kayo naman talaga e sa endgame kayo pa rin ang magkasama. Take it from me. I should know, my wife was my ex-gf nung freshman pa ako nung college. Quote Link to comment
chelly Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 What the? Ambilis yata a? Late na pala ang reply ko. Nagbreakfast lang ako e tapos na agad. Sorry about what happened. Anyway, kung kayo naman talaga e sa endgame kayo pa rin ang magkasama. Take it from me. I should know, my wife was my ex-gf nung freshman pa ako nung college.<{POST_SNAPBACK}> yeah...i'm going through the stages of grief...at this point i'm vaccilating between negotiation and acceptance. Today in particular im nearing the acceptance stage. I still cry...but at least now i could look at his picture with a smile in my heart. yes i miss him...terribly so. yes i love him still. pero no regrets naman. i guess it's true that when you're older you become wiser...you use more faculties to be able to understand things. And only after being able to understand it that we begin to accept that what we want in life may not be meant for us...for a reason. I'm not closing my doors to him...he already knows that yet i'm not holding on to him with closed fists too...he has to discover the world on his own and make conclusions based on his experiences...and when he comes to the conclusion that life would be better with me around...then i trust that he would be able to find his way back. Don't be sorry for me...nor for what happened...i'm not. I am happy he's on a journey...hopefully he will come out of it an even better man. I wish him the best as i always do. And frankly...I am happy to have been with him as long as I have and really shared something special with him. no regrets. Quote Link to comment
George Estregan Lives Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 My take... At this point, the guy is haveing his needs met from all sides. He is getting his "space", which is basically his freedom from you. Once his "need" of being with you arises, all he has to do is just call you and you're there. I think you have pretty proved how much you love him so I give you this advice. I suggest to tell him how much you love him and how you only wanted to work things out with him. Tell him you are willing to give this commitment a go, but you can no longer bear the pain of this arrangement he wants to have. Then gently tell him that you no longer want to speak to him. Cut off all communication with him. This solution deprives him of the need he so easily gets from you. This will also allow him to really weigh what he really wants--his freedom or your love. Until such he proves to himself and to you what he wants for his life, resist communicating with him, even if he is the one who initiates (unless, of course, he tells you he wants to resume your relationship again). If he doesn't come back, then you'll know for sure that your relationship is over. You can start with your process of grief and eventually acceptance. Quote Link to comment
private5star Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 my umbrella sister (payong kapatid) just let him go, let him be I know you love him very much, but the thing is, he wants to "explore" other possibilities. Time will tell anyway, if he will return to you, just don't lose your own self respect and self confidence and you will be alright. No matter how much you love him, he's not the same anymore, move on with your life and some day you will find "Mr. Right Guy" waiting for you, you might not find "Mr. Right Guy" unless you move on. Good luck!!! ENJOY ALSO YOUR FREEDOM AND LIBERTY TO EXPLORE OTHER POSSIBILITIES!!! Quote Link to comment
adriane888 Posted February 16, 2005 Share Posted February 16, 2005 my umbrella sister (payong kapatid) just let him go, let him be I know you love him very much, but the thing is, he wants to "explore" other possibilities. Time will tell anyway, if he will return to you, just don't lose your own self respect and self confidence and you will be alright. No matter how much you love him, he's not the same anymore, move on with your life and some day you will find "Mr. Right Guy" waiting for you, you might not find "Mr. Right Guy" unless you move on. Good luck!!! ENJOY ALSO YOUR FREEDOM AND LIBERTY TO EXPLORE OTHER POSSIBILITIES!!!<{POST_SNAPBACK}>Agree!! dont focus yourself sa ayaw na sa iyo!! Dami pwede dyan mas okay pa! Quote Link to comment
cho_clitz888 Posted February 16, 2005 Share Posted February 16, 2005 bigyan mo ng napaka LAWAK NA SPACE! tignan mo, di yan magkakanda tuto! mababaliw siya at hahanapin ka rin! Quote Link to comment
Barenaked-NoMre Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 Yes ... this happens to the MEN at times when they feel strangled! These are the times when you want more or want to know where the relationship is going. Learn from each MAN/relationship you have, Chelly. The MEN get better! ;-) I can relate ... I was 29, my EX was 23. Different stages ... different needs and wants. Quote Link to comment
Switlass Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 i need to understand this... after an argument...it was obvious he got upset with me...then he said he wants his space. I asked him if this means he's no longer my bf...he says "hindi na lang muna. You know how much I love you but i just can't right now." When i asked him if he would come back to me after he has sorted out whatever issues he has at the moment...he said "Oo, nagkakandarapa pa." I asked him if his love for me would outweigh whatever his going through now...he says "hopefully..." What does he mean by all of this?! I am giving him his space...i hurt in the process...and i don't know if he's ever coming back... i need advise... Honey, simply put he means he wants out. He found something, it could be a trait, an issue or a characteristic that you have that he simply can not deal with (in other words he can't accept) and decided to bail out. No, he's not coming back. He might if you play it right and NOT call, NOT see him and LOOK good when you do. You have to be A-OK. Everything that is reported to him ( and most likely things are reported to him) should make you desirable. Very hard to do since you're probably thinking bout him 24/7. Quote Link to comment
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