The Mail Box

[bluegreen717]

Punta ka mag-isa.

[KristinLavransdatr]

thank you for staying the night with me. i don't know what i could have done without you.

 

it wasn't even a test of loyalty. it was just that. i was there and needing a friend. as usual, you dropped everything to come running to me.

 

your question was valid. still is, in fact. and the answer is - i don't know. i don't know why you're still putting up with me.

 

why do i find myself acting out the windows xp part again? why can't i be a little of the old linux?

 

there's depth in your simplicity i can't fathom.

 

yet i hope you discover the flaw in my seeming complexity you're so intoxicated about. open your eyes.

 

but wait...

 

don't just yet.

[wyette]

noone would have ever loved me but ME...

I should have realized that before.

 

 

but you should have tried loving me more...caring for me more...being strong for me.... I would not have given up.

[ink]

dadi,

 

i have my fears, especially now that i'm about to leave...

much as you repeatedly assure me that things are gonna be okay,

somehow, a tinge of doubt still shrounds me...

i pray we'll both weather this one... it won't be long till i'm back again.

just a few months... i hope, just as you promised, i'll wear that wedding ring...

 

i love you.... for all its worth, i'm all too willing to put everything at stake...

 

 

see you, either here-- or there.... :*

[bluegreen717]

So nice of you to let me borrow the car.

 

But it isn't really yours, you know.

 

It's mine, and i hate driving it.

 

Naaawa lang ako sa yo kasi walang-wala ka ngayon. I could very well just keep hacking away while you're down and out, but no. I'll leave you to your own devices, you'll mess up just as well. Not as fast maybe, but just as well.

[bluegreen717]

JG,

 

I'm really sorry that you saw everything. It must have been really awful for you, I cannot imagine how much pain your little heart had to go through. I will never forget how you cried that day. I wanted to cry, too, but I was much too angry. Months have passed, and I haven't cried a single tear. I'm afraid I'll never have to.

 

You ask innocent questions. Forgive me if I don't give you the answers you were hoping for. But a lot of things are not as simple as they seem. Right now I want you to see that women can be strong and capable of doing of great things by themselves.

 

You're growing up beautifully, albeit very headstrong. I'm absolutely delighted at how much of a book lover you've become. I know there aren't many books in the other house, maybe you should ask him if he could buy you some of those science books we saw in Galleria.

 

I'm sorry, too, if I don't allow Coke in the house. It's not healthy. You get enough of the stuff in the other house. They don't drink water there, do they? They always drink coke. Y tells me they don't have much food there, either, the fridge is always empty except for coke. I'll have Y pack a box of Dewberry and Oreos (double stuf) next time, ok? Maybe I should give Y money to buy fish and veggies. I can't let you subsist on processed food while you're there.

 

I'm sorry if I'm overbearing. I only want what's best for you. You're young and have so much to accomplish, let's start early! I don't want you to wake up one day and realize that the world passed you by while watching TV. I want your life rich with experience. We'll travel and experience new things together, just the two of us.

 

Your hugs, kisses, and I love yous keep me strong.

 

Love,

M

[smaug]

oh well, come nxt semester, i'll be there. you bet your teeth i'll be there. i'll do anything to be with you again...

[sweetpsyche]

ang labo mo tsong.

ganyang ka ba lagi sa lahat? feeling ko oo... sa totoo lang hirap mong paniwalaan... alam ko sasabihin mo wala akong karapatang magsalita ng ganun kasi ako man hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko... sabagay tama ka naman... siguro kaya lagi tayo magkasama - pareho nating hindi maintindihan ang isa't isa, nakakatuwa na ewan, nakakaasar, nakakapagod. ngunit, pareho naman tayong duwag na alamin ang mga dahilan kaya siguro kahit ganito pinababayaan na lang natin. pilit na tinatanggap. gaano man kalabo pilit na ikinukubli.

 

minsan, di ko alam kung seryoso, kung tatanungin ang "pagiging mukhang seryoso" aba panalo ka... pero diba, kahit mukhang seryoso hindi naman nanganghulugang seryoso nga... Oo alam ko ang dami mong ginagawa para sa akin, ang dami mong handang gawin... ngunit sapat na nga ba yun na basehan? Siguro Oo.. pero siguro din Hindi lalo't pa kung ginagawa mo rin yun sa iba, ay di nga pala sa iba.. sa nakararami nga pala... diba? malabo ba? ha! hindi na yan bago, lagi namn malabo ang sinasabi natin sa isa't isa diba? basta yun na yun...

lagi mo sinasabi sa iba.. alam nya na yun... ano ang alam ko? Yun? ah oo alam ko yun... dahil ganun ka din sa iba.. hindi nga ba?

 

kagabi wala akong imik, syempre dahil marami akong ginagawa, ngunit isa pang dahilan ay ang harap-harapan mong pagawa ng isang bagay na tunay ngang "ewan ko kung ano"... subalit isa siyang malaking patunay sa iniisip ko...

 

malabo talaga.

[missmanners]

dear you...

 

 

i wonder, how long can you keep this up? whereas before you were so convinced you could go on forever... now everyone's doubts have finally taken their effect. albeit slowly, surely. now you question yourself. your confidence shattered. and you finally ask... is your body deteriorating worth it? is having no time for yourself worth it? is your unhappiness worth it?

 

you find joy in the mundane things, still. but you know that the time will come.. soon.. when even the most shallow things won't make you laugh anymore. when even your loving boyfriend's hugs and kisses will stop taking effect and instead drive you up the wall.

 

really? is this all worth it?

 

the crankiness. the mood swings. the pains. the aches. the sleeplessness. the working so hard but never having enough. the working so hard and yet never getting credit. the working so hard and career advancement coming ever so slowly.

 

i wonder, can you wait, really? will things get better, as you hoped? or will they continue to get worse... and bring you eventually to that point where you barely even recognize yourself. where you're nothing but a skeleton of the woman you used to be?

 

i suggest you think about it. and fast. before it gets so bad that everything you ever wanted is not just permanently beyond your reach, even those that you think you have now disappear.

 

 

me

[sweetpsyche]

Behind these eyes are stored emotions,

Bottled up behind trying years.

But I have to keep it moving...

Still smiling through the tears.

[KristinLavransdatr]

i am so sorry i was fuming just thinking about how you treated me the last time. i am sorry for calling you a bitch. there were just too many things in my head - work specially. damn, i' m doubting the soundness of my decision in enrolling this term.

 

your bitchiness has taught me a lot of things. i guess, i've just been used to receiving positive feedback, i took your sharp criticisms way too deeply.

 

i'm taking it back. you're not a bitch, neither that fat.

 

and yes, i'm going to buy one of your books. (already bought one which included one of your poems - neat.)

 

 

i promise to be a good student til the end of the term.

[Guest lemon]

and i thought you'd miss that one, beautiful, no? so ya think i qualify for the brotherhood of the illuminati?

 

i didn't get the first one though but here's something creepy: check out the immediate next one, exactly my thoughts, my feelings, my admiration... and, of course, next to yours, mine. :hypocritesmiley:

[_Steroid_]

to my prof sa physics,

 

f*cksh*t ka!! ang hirap ng project na hinihingi mo.... ang hirap irelate ng samples ng physics sa psychology no.. praning ka!! aarrggggh!!!!!!

 

 

 

love,

ang estudyante mong ayaw sayo since birth!!

[_Steroid_]

** sorry.. this is how my mind works when im pressured..

 

 

to: alam mo na....

 

 

Madalas ko siya uli naalala ngayon. Pinipilit kong hukayin sa puso ko ang dahilan kung bakit. Sa wari ko’y tanggap ko na ang lahat. sa wari ko’y tapos na ko sa pahina ng pagdaramdam ngunit may mga saglit na gusto kong bumalik sa mga naunang yugto ng buhay ko upang lumublob sa pakiramdam na naramdaman ko non.

 

Gusto kong muli maramdaman yun. Gusto kong muli gumawa ng mga kakatwang bagay at kagaguhan sa buhay kong minsang nalunod sa bawat kalabisan ng kompleks na emosyon- na siyang itinuturing kong pinakamatinding kalaban ng tao.

 

Gusto kong muling magpuyat habang nararamdaman ang masiglang saya habang nakangiti sa mga text na nababasa ko sa taong hindi ko matiis na wag itext. Gusto ko muli maramdaman ang mag-abang ng tawag ng telepono at pumuslit ng telebabad. Gusto kong muling masira ang time table ko ng kung anong imbitasyon ng taong hindi ko matanggihan. Gusto kong makaramdaman ng kaba, kilig, pangamba, selos at galit.. halo-halong emosyon na kayang-kaya kong paghimay-himayin, paghiwa-hiwalayin sa normal na mode ng pagkatao ko..

 

Hinahanap-hanap ko ang ngumiti ng mainit, ng may tamis, ng may lambing at pag-ibig sa mga mata. Namimiss kong lumuha sa sobrang saya. Namimiss kong bitawan ang mga malalalim na kataga na may sinseridad sa puso ko. Matagal na rin nang huli ko yung naramdaman.

 

Higit sa lahat, namimiss ko siya. Siya na kayang baguhin ang lahat. siya na pumuno at siya rin na nag-iwan ng malaking puwang sa puso kong iginagapang ang kaligayahang matagal nang nalusaw kasama ng ulan..

 

Gusto ko siyang Makita muli... sa huling saglit kung iyon ay maaari.....

[missmanners]

maybe you should stop insisting for things to be right and fair... for the world to be just and beautiful and good. maybe everyone else has been doing it right all this time... that in order to play the game, you just have to play by the rules instead of trying to change them.

 

i know it's frustrating. and i know it's heartbreaking. but maybe it's time to wake up now instead of much later when you've lost far too much just trying to do the right thing. save what you can now. pretend all is right. arm yourself with the knowledge that you can play this game just as good as them. that you can win by their rules. and maybe when you're on top, maybe then you can start thinking about changing things again.

 

but not now, sweetheart. not now. not when you don't have the stomach for ugliness, for battle. not when your heart is still pure and true and untainted. save what you can. no use being strong when it gets you nowhere. be weak. go with the flow. it might get you where you deserve to go.