The Mail Box

[Barenaked-NoMre]

JAL,

 

You know me SO well.

 

Thanks for your call. It means a lot just hearing your voice ... and asking me the right questions. Just in the few minutes ... you got me ... thinking, feeling.

 

Yet, I couldnt really tell you what's going on.

 

Too much has happened ... you're far and busy.

 

I will try to remember what you told me.

 

Be well, bestfriend.

 

A

[Barenaked-NoMre]

BM,

 

Shocking ... getting a call from you that you're in Manila.

 

It's been 3 years since I last saw you.

 

Sorry, but I cant do as you asked/requested/want.

 

You're married now ... with a kid.

 

Yes, I can meet up with you again ... just to catch up on what's happening in each other's lives. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

Hope you will respect that.

 

A

[creamrose]

I always get this little pinch in my heart

Whenever I hear Christmas songs being played

I wonder, could it be

Because it reminds me

Of the other Christmases?

 

Melancholic, that's what I am now.

It's that time of the year again.

[Wyld]

When I began feeling the cold winds of winter ... I began to feel fear in my heart.

 

I know how much cold and dreary weather gets me down... I know how the blues strike me each time the weather changes from warm to cold.

 

I hope somehow, things are not as bad for me this winter as they were for me last year.

 

Perhaps now that I have become a better and stronger person I will be better able to handle the cold that settles not only in my bones but in my heart and my soul as well.

 

I only ask that you hold my hand and bear with me through this. As I have said so many times before, I am the girl that the sun always kisses ... in time, the heat of the sun will warm my cheeks once again. The sun will kiss me again.

 

In time.

[Apollo]

I'm kind of a bashful person, and I need a little

help in what I want to do,<br>I want to call you on

the phone, and let you know I want you with me

everywhere I go.<br>I want to say I love you, and maybe one

day, it will come to be.<br>I'll get to hold you in my

arms, and have you make sweet love to me.<br>I want to

tell you I'll build a house for you and me, and maybe

our kids someday.<br>I hope you'll want this too,

because I want to give you joy to keep the clouds

away.<br>But like I said, I'm a bashful person, and I really

don't know what to do.<br>So that's why I wish that I

had just a litle sign of help from

you.<br>

copyrighted by Apollo

[KristinLavransdatr]

For all of us who still believe in the unbelievable.

And for those who are still hopeful to find the right one here, of all places...

 

SEARCH ENGINE

 

Cliche city: Home

to a monopoly

of very bad dates.

We've netted everything

from the outcasts

to the outright evil;

a lurking syndicate

of losers and

even a tarantula

in a strapless bra.

Held helplessly

in a holding

pattern for too long,

we know how easy

it is to become

just another

statistic, another

numb number

that won't add up.

Problem is,

we're all just

beta versions

of the alpha male, (or female)

obsolete by design,

obsolete in numbers,

not knowing whether

to hunt or to hide.

So we're left

to scream behind

shimmering screens,

weakly giving in to

the blindness of this

fresh fiber-optic faith,

this wannabe witchcraft

where the processing

of loneliness grows

ever faster every day.

Plugged into cycles

vicious and viscous,

we seek ceaselessly

only because

we seek to be sought,

dreaming digitally

of digits decoding

another body's text,

deathly afraid of being

both unmasked

and unattached,

logging only

to find ourselves

the safest of targets,

the feeblest flames,

unmatched odds

and endless ends

still longing to be

found by those

who aren't even

looking at all.

 

--- Ruel S. De Vera

[Apollo]

for all the special people who are in Long Distance Affair...

 

 

 

 

LONG DISTANCE LOVE AFFAIR

 

"Whisper my name, but not to loud

This moment is ours, no need for a crowd

When I'm with you my heart sings

When you leave, my inside stings

Say you love me once again

And stay with me through thick and thin

For my love for you cannot be traced

Nor stolen or torn not even replaced

Sing me a song that fills my ears

With love unending throughout the years

My heart leaps at the sound of your voice

Telling the world that I'm your choice

For they say it just can't last

In time this too will pass

For no one can love from afar

But what do they know, here we are

And I'm coming back to get you soon

And take you even beyond the moon

For I am the groom and you are the bride

I'm preparing a place for you by my side

And when I return to gather you up

You will sit at my table wherein to sup

So many brothers you have never known

Some even helped you find your way home

You will dine with them all

Some great, some meager, some small

But all so loving and kind

Just like you, I'm sure you'll find

The gold, onyx and sapphire so bright

No darkness because of My light

From Crystal waters you shall drink

The glistening colors, blue, silver and pink

Watch the birds as they go by

Such sweet melody

 

~ James Corwin

[Apollo]

a poem I written a few years ago about Internet Friendship...

 

INTERNET FRIENDSHIP

 

"I haven't ever seen you,

but I know you're really there;

I click you into reality

like magic from the air.

Your voice is like an Angel,

though I really do not hear;

your hug as warm as any

of loved ones I hold dear.

You're always there for comfort,

or a simple word of cheer;

though you're very far away,

I always have you near.

You're a very special friend,

 

[Barenaked-NoMre]

B,

 

Hmmm ... a promise made but broken.

 

Was hoping to be with you yesterday ...

 

Ayee! When will you be free?

 

I need to HAVE you!

 

A

[Barenaked-NoMre]

A/C,

 

It was good to finally meet you.

 

Thanks for the nice time and succulent dinner! Havent had a good meal like that in a long time. The salmon was delicious! ;-)

 

Also, for your advice ... really sweet of you to make it "my nite".

 

Too bad it was cut short.

 

Next time ... ? ;-P

 

Hope you got back safe there.

 

A

Edited November 20, 2005 by barenaked

[Zerreit]

I can't believe my heart's still pounding

I can't believe how close I came

And meanwhile heaven's falling

The fallen angels flown away

My worst nightmares became real

I got so scared that I forgot my name

And that'll be me someday

With stolen wings and evil ways

Straight south with the keys to the pearly gates

(Alkaline Trio)

 

That was a very close one mi amigo... Thinking about it still makes my knees shake. I still am sad though about what happened but I'm feeling more relieved each day. Do you ever wonder what could & might have been? I shudder to think...

[Psyke]

para sayo,

 

sana malandi kita. makasama manood ng sine. maka text. lilibre ng ice cream. ipagluluto. kukunan ng picture. gagawan ng wallpaper. gagawan ng website. titigan habang natutulog. tatawagan. bibigyan ng kahit ano. bibiruin. aasarin. liligawan. kagagalitan ako. kagagalitan ko. kainuman. kasama kahit saan. tutulungan. hahalikan (minsan lang). yayakapin, kahit minsan din lang. ihahatid. susunduin. sasabihan ng good nite. unang babatiin ng good morning. isasayaw. mamimiss. iiyakan. aalagaan.

 

 

ako

Edited November 21, 2005 by in_style

[Wyld]

You took away the one thing I did have of you.

 

Along with that you took my heart and my soul.

 

I never asked for much. I was happy with what I had.

 

Once had. Now lost.

 

Taken away.

 

Nothing.

 

Edited November 22, 2005 by Wyld

[Sequenenre Tao]

pare,

 

uuwi na ako. salamat sa lahat ng tulong mo... kung hindi gahil sayo, patay na kami ngayun. snira kami ng balasubas na yon, salamat nalang at naging tao ka nang aking ama at pinatunayan mo sa mga taga barrio na naiipit yun pansahod sa kanila ng walang kwentang kaibigan ng ama ko. tapos nag abroad pa tatarntado at ako pa ginawang katiwala sa negosyo nya. nakakarma ang gago, kya lang naka awa yun mga tao nya asaka yun pamilya nya. tingin ko kailangan lang ako ng pamilyang yon kaya mabait sila sakin, sana hindi naman ganon. napamahal na yun mga bata sakin, kya kun hindi dahil sa mga bata, nagpakilala na ako dito. salamat sa lahat, malamang dito na rin ako mag papamilya, malayo nga lang sa balasubas na yon. balik ako sa enero, baka me dala na akong bubuyog saka pang sabong.

 

S

[don_cruzer]

I am very grateful to have met you and wish we can maintain the friendship we have started in

 

the future. I do not see us moving beyond that. I know how much time is important to you; hence,

 

I would not like to waist any more of it than i already have.

 

 

I see my old self in you. You are hardworking and driven. You have your whole future right in

 

front of you and well within reach. You have found your right cause/reason. But, that, i have

 

learned, is not where i want to go. Despite my successes, i have yet to find mine and i remain

 

empty until then.

 

 

take care, drive carefully...

[gen_g]

to go or not to go...to commit or not to at all?....things have happened....my apologies...as much as i can do whatever i can...hope u guys understand.....

[KristinLavransdatr]

M,

 

this sure seems late as I am not sure how to react infront of a world that sees me happy all the time. and I can't show myself any happier than what it knows and sees.

 

you calling me on your birthday, 10 days before mine, opened up a dam of emotions of all kinds: fear, joy, relief, sadness, surprise, doubt, love.

 

i did what you asked me and failed. you are crazy telling me to do something i should not, would not. but because you asked me to, i did. i tried. and failed. badly.

 

i can't wait to see you again. if i can sleep my life away, only to wake up 7 weeks from now, i would. as life will then be a drag waiting, not without anticipation. but with a hearbeat. skipping sometimes. but waiting.

 

by the way, i bought a cd that carries the song you told me about. it keeps me awake at night. and moving when i'm slowing down.

 

next time, don't ask me anything i don't want to do. because i won't anymore.

 

will tell you about it when you get here.

 

easy there, gorgeous.

 

Y

[roxysnonie]

 

honey,

 

it all seems to have crashed on you, this heavy load your about to carry, it seems youre all alone and in the dark, deep inside you know theres HIM, hell be there to help carry your load, hes just waiting for you to call...

 

stand fast my dear, focus. in the dark find yourself and find your strength and know your weakness, learn and use this as you embark in the reality we call life, your kids will be there for you, ill be around for you, rooting for you!

 

your time to shine has come...

 

with all my ....!

 

Edited November 27, 2005 by roxysnonie

[Guest temperamental]

J,

 

I've had enough, and that i am saying with a smiling face. Image

 

Love is unconditional. I have loved you just because. I have loved you but still you felt I could not love you the way you want to be loved. You are right, I cannot love you the way you want to be loved because that is NOT LOVE, that is OBEDIENCE. Loving is meeting halfway. Loving doesn't mean that you need to tolerate each other. That is setting conditions to love. What if that somebody decides that she couldn't love you the way you want to be loved, then will you give up on her? If that is the love I will be dealing with with you, then I chose to rather not love at all.

 

I have loved you despite everything. I have looked beyond your flaws. I have learned to accept who you are. I have learned to accept that you will never ever look at me the way you look at her. I have learned to accept the fact that I can't make love to the only person I want to make love to because he doesn't love me and I do not want to hurt myself. And that is you. Our friends are well aware of our situation and no matter how hard they try to convince me that it's never going to work, I still love you. Unrequited love was the closest thing that I was hoping to get. I do not care if you do love me back, I wouldn't even push you to love you. I was just contented loving you at a distance. I don't care if they see you as somebody unworthy of my affection. I do not care. Because I love you. And why am I saying these things??? I should not be giving you reasons why I love you, because there are no reasons when we love somebody unconditionally.

 

And now I found out that the reason why we can never be is that because I can't love you the way you want to be loved??? You understimated my ability to love beyond reasons. Why don't you just tell me you don't love me? Or I am not beautiful enough for your standards? Or that you can't commit because of a past relationship that did not work? This is bullshit. WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE MY FAULT? Why do I have to be your escape goat this time? You don't love me, that is the reason why we can't be.

 

Good luck finding that person who is willing to love you the way you want her to.

 

No more drama for me.

R

Edited November 27, 2005 by temperamental

[KristinLavransdatr]

to my sm*ug friend,

 

no, i didn't stoop down to their level. i just crossed the path to check the muck they are in. no, i didn't linger. but you were right about their loneliness and pitiful state.

 

man, you should know i was only selling a little drama...

 

haven't we both agreed that night with my other friend, the jock, that the people in that area are way below our expectations of decency? the faces, the smell, the voices, the acts.

 

must you know, i've only given them an idea of what they couldn't have because they're not even half the creatures they ought to be.

 

i appreciate your concern. fully.

 

KL

Edited November 28, 2005 by KristinLavransdatr

[Apollo]

What would I give

To see you smile?

 

Hurt

By your avoidance

Wanting to comfort

Wipe away tears

Falling from your eyes...

[Guest temperamental]

JL,

 

My day passed thinking about you all the time.

 

Stared at my ceiling, replayed all that what has happened.

 

Such a short time to validate that what I am feeling right now is real

 

On the state of near ecstasy

 

I snapped out of it, I had to.

 

I could not let myself get addicted to you.

 

I am bound to hurt again.

 

R

[jt2003]

Is it even possible to forget?

 

I held you in my arms when there was no more life in you. I kissed your head and your feet. Before that, I watched you die. I knew I had to let you go.

 

Still, I had hoped the day would never come. I had always hoped that I would go before you.

 

I still cry.

 

I often relive that day. After all, it happened just months ago. It feels like years. Still, not a day goes by when I don’t remember that day I held you last. I never thought I could do it, but I did. It was my last gift to you.

 

I held you and gave you those gestures of love that I had given you for years.

 

To this day, I keep asking, “Why did you leave me?”

[naked_angel]

i know sorry's never enough to bring back the old you and the us i love...

 

maybe there never was an us. maybe it was all an illusion we created

 

 

it's so hard to be relegated to the position of a non-friend - friend. do i wish for this to stop? maybe it's time we do. we're breaking each other's spirit. i made a huge mistake and it's killing me. i don't think i can still go on and pretend i'm doing perfectly fine everytime we talk and everytime we say goodbye, i half expect that you tell me you'll miss me and that you still love me. i want so much to tell you how much i miss you and how i still want to keep the promises i made but i'm scared. i couldn't do with large scale events like you telling me you don't feel it anymore- only small things that are easily hidden.

 

you'll always be my favorite regret. while thoughts of you still float in my mind, i'll never get tired of wondering how you are and if she'll treat you well.

 

tomorrow, i will try to keep thoughts of you locked away in boxes marked do not open. ever and abandoned on the less - travelled byways of my mind. things which i hadn't forgotten but had simpy instead learned to ignore. it will be hard but it's what's best for me.

 

i'm sorry i'm not the stuff dreams are made of.

 

 

 

 

i'll always have shamrock

Edited December 1, 2005 by Naked_Angel

[Barenaked-NoMre]

JB,

 

Quite shocking to see the pics you've posted here.

 

So you're into that ...

 

Now, I dont know what to think ... of the time we WERE. Whether I was the ONLY one you were c-ing ... entertaining ... F**CKing. I doubt it.

 

Guess my friends were right about you ... just hearing about what you do, who you are ... they knew right off the bat ... you were using me. I was just too blind to have seen past how I felt about you ... how you made me feel ... how GOOD you are (in bed).

 

I wasted 4 months of my life with you ... the money I'd shell out for your interviews, our overnites, dinners, movies, etc. And it was becoz of you that we got in that accident.

 

I feel so DIRTY now ...

 

You make me SICK!

 

A

Edited December 1, 2005 by barenaked