The Mail Box

[smaug]

K

 

dai kapa mapuli igdi? nag uli ako nan pista, duwang aldaw kita nka sama. mapatayo ako ng arong jan, dai nako maali. ika an gusto mgaing agum, ika, mayo na iba.

 

P

[Leslie Garcia]

Dearest,

 

Im truly disappointed .... you don't even remember to greet me on valentine's day .... i should have known im not important to you ... the day ain't significant but the effort will be ... but alas there is none at all .... im hurting deep inside ... other people remembered ... but the one i'm waiting didn't even spend a sigle centavo to remember me ....

 

M

[Barenaked-NoMre]

Im truly disappointed .... you don't even remember to greet me on valentine's day .... i should have known im not important to you ... the day ain't significant but the effort will be ... but alas there is none at all .... im hurting deep inside ... other people remembered ... but the one i'm waiting didn't even spend a sigle centavo to remember me ....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

Oh ... Leslie!

 

I suffered the same anguish!

 

Now I know where I stand with a MAN I'd thought I *had* something with.

 

I was apparently dis-illusioned.

 

Boy, does Cosmopolitan Philippines know what they write about! I found comfort and clarity in reading "What If ... He's Not That Into You Pala?".

 

Hence, I somehow ended it ... returning all I'd received from him during the 4 months we were going out with each other.

 

My consolation ... spend lunch and dinner w/ two good GFs!

[Barenaked-NoMre]

...as have the words in your short post.

 

But for those who have been raped by Life (and sometimes, have raped Life back even!), they do not need to fake the excitement and emotion dripping from their words. They write of ecstatic pleasure, of divine visions, of hellish dreams, of agony, of joy, of the world and all its machinations, of Life unmasked and bare...

 

...while the virgins write of their own little life and their own little heartbreaks. That is, until Life takes them, rapes them, and gives them a few more hard f*ck sessions for good measure.

 

And then their (creative) juices finally flow for real,

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

Thank you for your comment, LC.

 

I always seem to find myself pained after trusting yet another MAN! Writing to "him" gives me comfort.

 

I only hope that my tears, heartache and realizations bring me closer to meeting "him" ... without the baggages of my cruel past.

 

I'm not ready ... I guess.

 

Make me stronger, wiser and more determined to BE here ... for the right reasons.

[chelly]

UNBREAKING HUMPTY DUMPTY

 

When life pulls the rug from under you…you have to just seek ways to land on your feet. I have learned so much from the past weeks that I have gained so much understanding about myself and how I relate with others. Funny how we get to see these things about ourselves during very stressful times. I’m happy that I’m able to realize these despite so many things that happened…otherwise I would have lost the opportunity to learn.

 

I guess I’m getting wiser…and I have ros to thank for that.

 

On February 2, 2005 I came face to face with the tsunami in my life…the one incident that made so much impact on my life…left me devastated in one sweep… I almost could not believe that such a thing could happen in so short a time…on a such a beautiful day.

 

To rehash the event now would be fruitless…I can’t take it back anymore…and nor could ros. What is done is done…no matter who made the mistake…no matter who gave up on whom…no matter who said what…it’s done…it’s history. And none of us could do anything more now but move forward. Whether we would be doing that together or separately…no one knows. I just believe that we are where we should be at this moment in time.

 

I hold no resentment towards him…just a whisper of sadness that we have let go of something that was beautiful…it wasn’t perfect but it was good and yes…it was very true. I tried holding on to him but I now realized that he wanted his freedom…he wanted to find himself again. We were so caught up on each other…we lost ourselves. I was demanding too much from him…too soon…and he simply wasn’t ready for it…and he had to pull away to regain himself. He might come back…he might not. And so I have resigned myself to the fact that nothing in life is certain we make it certain…only when he finds clarity and decide that he would like me to be part of his life again…only then would he see the way back.

 

I lost myself too…and yet I am now in process of regaining what I have lost. I realized that I have too much of a temper…that I have the habit of comparing what I could do with what he should do…without taking into consideration what he is capable of doing. He isn’t me…his ways are not my ways…and I have no right to change him. I was asking too much too soon. I know that…I realize it…I’m sorry. I hope that one day he would forgive me…that alone would make me feel so much better.

 

Although I know that I have my faults…he too has his. But let’s not go through all of those anymore…like I said it’s futile. Even if he has those not so good characteristics I choose to let my love for him shine over the dark moments. I just wish that he would choose to let his love for me overcome my dark moments as well.

 

I don’t think I was ever that bad towards him…I try to be good…sometimes it’s just hard but I try…I wish he’d be able to see past all that and remember how good I was for him. And this comes from a forelorn heart…I didn’t give up on him up to this day…I will never give up on supporting him…even if it means letting him go.

 

It’s like being in the amazing race without actually being on it…we go through challenges...disagree along the way…almost would like to k*ll each other at times and in others loving each other and showing so much support that you feel you could do just about anything. But even if we don’t win the race…the most important part of it is that we have won over the challenges together and learn much about each other. Will we win this race? Only time would tell…

 

I am at this point learning so much about him…that this is a cycle in his life. Am I a victim of his repressed feelings? No, I don’t want to see it that way. I would rather see it as an opprotunity to help him by understanding him. I just wish that he would be receptive enough for me to be able to guide him…to break the cycle…to free him.

 

Somehow I know that I am here for a purpose…my soul recognizes it…I just hope his soul recognizes it as well.

 

But I also recognize that he needs his space…so I let him. Do I hurt still? I did…he did…but no more…how could you break an already broken heart? The only way to go now is forward…and make myself complete again. The reason why no one could put back humpty dumpty back together again is that it takes humpty dumpty himself to do it. Only I could undreak my heart…and slowly…one day at a time…I will.

 

My only prayer at this point is that ros would be in okay as well…not trying to feel okay but really releasing feelings…really being okay in his soul level. I pray that an angel of God would come to him…and guide him in these trying times. I can’t do that for him now simply because wouldn’t let me…so I need help to help him.

 

All things will be as it should be…I trust the Lord that we will find peace someday. Until then…

[chelly]

One thing is certain…we all become uncertain

 

After all that was said and done…here I am once again looking for reasons why these all happened…and yes I think this time I truly understand.

 

Uncertainty…he’s not ready to be sure.

 

I recall our first months together…he wasn’t ready to commit to an exclusive relationship then too. Yes, we were physically attracted to each other…mentally we also connected and by gosh we were intimate…but still he was afraid to commit to an exclusive relationship. That went on for 7 months…until I felt I needed to move on because it just wasn’t getting anywhere. We had a conversation over the phone…I asked him to define the relationship…that was Nov. 1, 2003. He said we were already an item why else would he do the things he does…but I wanted it to be official…he should ask me to be his girl. One month passed…he still stalled. Then one day…he asked me to be his girl. I still could remember that day like it was yesterday…I was about to tell him goodbye…he sensed it I think…because just about the time I was going to tell him goodbye…he sat in front of me and asked me to be his girl. I accepted it. The day was Dec. 7, 2003. I thought it would be good from that day on…but I was wrong. He wasn’t as committed to me like I thought. There were many times when I would be disappointed by how he just coasted along…hid the girls on Friendster account…the most awful Christmas I ever experienced in my life…the times when he would just let me pay for things when he already had a job. It took several months after we were offically exclusive that he finally showed some commitment through his actions. He would then start doing things for me…buy things for me…adjust his schedule for me. He opened his heart to me…finally. Then one morning he surprised me by saying “I want to be married to you.” I was surprised…but was cautious. I asked him if he’s sure about what he’s feeling…he said yes…but still im cautious. At the back of mind…he might think he does…he might feel he does…but I doubt if he was certain. So I let it be.

 

No rings…no proposals…just a wish on his mind…he just wanted it…but he didn’t act on it.

 

Months passed…still no proposal. We opened a joint account…even that took about a months to happen. He was mostly interested in getting a new phone than opening that account. He even borrowed about 1K of the proceeds before we opened the account. I felt he was just doing it because that’s what I wanted…just to keep me happy. On the day we opened that account…he was even the one to say that’s he’s happy about it because it’s a start for us. I wasn’t feeling as happy as I originally thought I would…funny…now I recall that I felt surprised that I didn’t feel as I should. But we went along with it. There were times that I would talk about our wedding…there were times when he would open up about having a family…where to live…what to do…being together. But then there were times when I felt he wasn’t as involved. He wanted to improve his life…go back to school…he had all these plans…he wanted to grow.

 

Then the day before I left for Malaysia…he said something about his dilemma in being intimate with me. That at the back of his mind he didn’t want to get me pregnant. I should have seen it coming…that was my clue…he didn’t want to get too close…he was having a change of heart.

 

The change happened when I was away…he went back to being uncertain. Our argument was only incidental…the issue of whether he loved me enough or not is also incidental…he just wasn’t ready to go to the next stage. Sometime during the days that I was away he must have dwelled on it…it must have swallowed him whole…he drowned in it. He felt the need to pull away. He just isn’t sure…about me…about us…about a future together. And he didn’t know how to say it to me without breaking my heart.

 

But it broke anyways…and all I could do is pick up the pieces. I will be complete again…that much I know.

 

So there it is…the behavioral profile of what happened. Now I have greater clarity…that it wasn’t what I have done or didn’t do. It wasn’t an issue of my characteristics that turned him off or not. He simply regressed to being uncertain whether he wanted to go to the next level or not. At this point…he’s simply not sure…not ready.

 

He’s postponing seeing me…hearing me simply because he’s uncertain of what to say and what to do. I think that he might just go back to me now if he sees me because he thinks that would be what I would want even if he’s not ready. He wants time…distance to be able to really discern if he wants me and if he wants to move on to the next level…to be engaged…to be married.

 

I don’t blame him at all…everyone is entitled to be uncertain especially if faced with such a scary situation as getting hitched. Lord knows why he was pressuring himself anyways…I wasn’t even in a hurry and I recognize his need to grow…to go back to school…to develop. I would have wanted to be by his side as he did all those things but who am I to insist my presence when he’s not even sure he wants me beside him.

 

Maybe he thought I wanted to purposefully get pregnant so then he wouldn’t have a choice about it…well…he should know better. I’d rather be single than be with someone whom I’m not sure if he’s coming or going. Besides, he should know me better than that…I might want a family…but I’m not in a hurry. Id rather have a family when my partner and me and both ready…not when I’m the only one who wants it. Now, that isn’t a family right? It would be single parenthood…and to be a single parent is easy to do without someone having to break your heart. Irony of life…

 

I just hope he felt enough love to make him certain what to do next. I know that I have shown him enough love to last him a lifetime. Even he acknowledges that what we shared was really good and true. I hope it has left him good memories for the rest of his life.

 

Do I want him back if he does come around? Well…im not sure. Maybe.

 

So world…here I am…single, available and excited to find love again. I just hope that the next man in my life would be more certain about himself and his life because I’m just not too keen on being left behind again. Wishes? Well…I hope he’s tall…he’s got a cute smile…and a person whom I won’t ever grow out of love with and that he would love me so much he’d cherish me forever. Bring it on!

[KristinLavransdatr]

what are you thinking, calling yourself stupid? you did the right thing. and if now you feel a little regretful, in doubt if all your sleepless nights have been worth all the wakefulness when you ached thinking, second-guessing what he wasn't doing -- that, dear me, is part of your healing.

 

didn't it feel wonderful walking, and you not thinking? only the rise and fall of the pavement told you where you were. wasn't it exhilarating just breathing in the air, while you choked back the tears you thought were coming? and then you changed your mind because suddenly you remembered you've stopped crying over some-flawless-man-off-in-the-distance-and-when-he-moved-closer-you-knew-he-wouldn't-do-at-all years ago.

 

be consoled that you have helped an individual realize that he cannot always be at the receiving end.

 

find solace in the thought that he will never meet another one like you no matter how many lifetimes he lived.

 

still, wasn't it a lot better walking than waiting for him to grow up?

Edited February 23, 2005 by KristinLavransdatr

[moonflower]

papansin pa eh para kang... basta wag ka papansin!

[roxysnonie]

 

call it stupid, call it stubborn, call it impossible but...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...ill wait!

[LB]

kung hindi mo ako hinayaang mapalayo ng husto, siguro natutunan kitang mahalin. ngayon, alam ko na hindi talaga. wala nang pangalawaang pagkakataon, iwasan mo nang magplano. pasensiya na kung nasaktan ka, hindi ko ginusto.

[Barenaked-NoMre]

CPO,

 

Wish you well with work/projects and your plans for Canada.

 

I *do* miss you ... the weekends just arent the same. :-(

 

Even watching cable doesnt help ... some shows/movies have a person with your namesake. What torture for me!

 

It's a HARD pill to swallow ... but I guess, I wont see you again. Even though I'd very much want to.

 

Missing your CUTE smile, MANly tummy and yummy kisses!

 

A

[roxysnonie]

 

 

 

 

 

 

...sooo sorry!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[LB]

i hope you are happy. there are no second chances. i was deeply hurt. i would appreciate it if you would just stay away. lucky you, i would change everything to help you do so. farewell.

[Fî$hKęŊ]

pwede ba tantanan mo na ako...madami na nasisira ang ulo sa sinimulan mo....lagi ka na lang bukangbibig...baka bangungutin na sila....wahahahahaha

[wjc-934]

Ikaw Pa Rin Kung Sakali

 

Kahit ibigay pa sa kin ng Diyos ang isang perpektong tao, mas pipiliin ko pa rin yung mahal ko. 'Yan ang sabi ko sa 'yo nung minsang napag-usapan natin ang mga love life natin. Pareho tayo ng pag-iisip sa bagay na ito. Pareho tayong naniniwala na meron ngang tao na nilaan para lang sa atin. Dati, akala ko ikaw na 'yon. Ngayon ko lang naiisip na baka nga hindi talaga tayo para sa isa’t isa.

 

Kung aalalahanin ko lahat ng dinaanan ko dahil sa iyo, mapapabuntung-hininga na lang ako. Sabi ko nga, mahirap maging kaibigan mo, pero mas mahirap na mahalin ka at maging kaibigan mo lang. Bilang kaibigan, kailangan kong ipakita ang suporta ko sa lahat ng gusto mong gawin. Kailangan ipakita ko na masaya ako tuwing masaya ka. Kailangan ipakita ko na natutuwa ako sa mga kakiligan mo kapag kasama mo siya. Kailangan nakangiti ako kahit malungkot ako. Lahat nang ito ginagawa ko dahil gusto kong malaman mo na tunay akong kaibigan. At dahil mahal kita. Kung pwede nga hindi na ako magpapakita sa yo para lang hindi ako masaktan. Pero mahal kita. Para sa akin, ito lang ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ako umaalis sa tabi mo. Para sa akin, ito lang ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ako nawawalan ng pag-asa sa 'yo.

 

Pero ngayong napapaisip ako, hindi lang naman kalungkutan ang dinala mo sa akin. Ang ganda rin pala ng pagkakaibigan natin. May mga araw na kapag magkasama tayo, tawa lang tayo ng tawa. Siguro weirdo talaga tayo pareho, magka-wavelength. May mga araw naman na sobrang seryoso ng usapan. Tungkol sa mga problema sa pamilya, mga prinsipyo sa buhay at mga pangarap na gusto nating abutin. Pero may mga araw rin na wala kang kakwenta-kwentang kausap. Yun yung mga beses na kahit tahimik lang, ok na para sa atin.

 

Kapag kasama kita, sobrang kumportable ako. Kaya kong maging ako tuwing kasama kita. Kaya kong sabihin lahat-lahat at ipakita ang buong pagkatao ko sa yo dahil alam kong tatanggapin mo pa rin ako bilang kaibigan.

Ito ang hindi ko nakita noon. Dahil sa pagkabulag ko sa pagmamahal ko sa 'yo, isinumpa ko ang pagkakaibigan natin. Lagi kong naiisip na kaibigan lang kita. Hindi ako nagpasalamat sa pagkakaibigan natin. Ngayon lang ako natutuwa na kahit papaano, kaibigan kita. Masaya ako na dumating ka sa buhay ko, kahit para maging kaibigan ko lang. Isa ka sa mga biyaya na ibinigay sa akin at nagpapasalamat ako dahil dito. Masaya ako dahil kaibigan kita at dahil namamamahal kita ng ganito. Siguro nga hanggang dito na lang ang pagmamahal ko sa iyo. Hanggang kaibigan na lang.

 

Kahit ibigay pa sa kin ng Diyos ang isang perpektong tao, mas pipiliin ko pa rin yung mahal ko. 'Yan ang sabi ko sa iyo. Sabi ko sa iyo mas pipiliin pa rin kita. Na kahit sino pang mas maganda, mas matalino, mas mabait, o mas may yaman pa ang dumating sa buhay ko, ikaw pa rin. Kung gugustuhin mo lang, ikaw pa rin. Ikaw pa rin. 'Yan ang sabi ko sa iyo. Bingi ka lang. Manhid pa.

Siguro nga hindi talaga tayo para sa isa’t isa.

Edited March 3, 2005 by wjc-934

[roxysnonie]

 

Sometimes, when I'm alone and lost

in thought, and all the world seems

to far away, you come to me as if in a dream,

filling my soul with the warmth of

your prescence. And I smile knowing that

though we cannot be together now, wer'e

always close in thought.

 

[LB]

i don't love you anymore.

 

i never lied.

 

i did.

 

bye.

[session_kid]

I used to believe that first love never dies. Now I know different.

 

You have been a good friend, although at times, I must admit that I doubt your intentions. You were never that close to me as a friend (you weren’t one of those people whom I ran to when the rest of the world seems to be going against me) and I really can’t tell what you’re like and who you really are – especially now, that we have only seen each other after a very long time. I never really knew you – never really knew you then, and then you've grown and became a new person - I don’t know you still.

 

You loved me, you didn't love me. You love me, you don't love me.

 

I have been confused for the longest time, thought about it countless times, and I wanted to end it, though I may never have the answers to my questions. I thought that I just got to stop thinking about it and let go. No more questions, so no more answers to seek.

 

What can I say? I prayed for it and I got the answer.

 

So now, it comes to this…

I've grown tired of loving you. After all these years, my heart being like a switch - turning on and off - I've given up. (It's not "I'm giving up" - I've already given up on you.) Before I knew it, I lost my love for you. It used to be that though I felt tired of you, I still felt even a bit of care. Now it's different. I just don't care anymore.

 

When we last saw each other, I sensed loneliness in you. Maybe it's because you can't seem to reach your dreams - and I felt sympathy and care, and I wanted to be with you to help you through it. I thought you've got me again. I felt like I love you again. But it was short-lived.

 

It may sound sad, but I feel happy. Relieved. I no longer have to carry this burden in my heart - from missing you, from loving you. I didn't need a closure to move on. All the questions I had before, they're gone now. Gone though unanswered. But I don't care, because I feel for you no more. This gives me one of the best feelings of relief in this life. :cool: The love that has bothered me for years has been lifted off my heart.

 

I can't say that I already feel numb of love. I know I can love somebody else... it can be any guy but you.

 

Wow. I'm so happy. Elated. I never thought this would come. I didn't think I'd get over you. But I did. I'm so over you now. And I really feel so happy knowing that I have moved on. It took years, it took soo long, but I don't care now. What's important is - I'm free of you. :cool:

 

At any rate, thank you for being a good friend to me. I wish you happiness and may you achieve what you have always dreamed of. (Except, if you are dreaming of having me. Ha! )

[Barenaked-NoMre]

To my friends here and elsewhere,

 

It gives me comfort that you care and wish the best for me. I appreciate the thoughts and prayers.

 

The waiting has been LONG and tough ... but well worth it. ;-)

 

Good things *do* happen to people who wait.

 

Have just been to ANXIOUS, BITTER and ANGRY at the world.

 

I know what's important is to be grateful ... ;-)

 

Thank you!

 

A

[KristinLavransdatr]

you know what makes things sadder than they are? proximity.

 

i have suffered four years being away by several timezones from the one to whom i have entrusted my being. and i can't start to explain how painful it was, how i cried when i see him reduced to a mere computer monitor. and i'd feel the flat surface of the screen, instead of his warm, smooth skin. and countless were the times i'd do anything just so i could fly to him. but then, where i was concerned, only dreams could grow wings.

 

and i thought that was the most difficult part of being me. until...

 

every day, we take the same path home. except that we go the opposite ends. every day, we take the same stretch of road. our eyes gaze at the same horizon. we breathe the same square kilometer of air.

and i can easily run to you and not lose oxygen.

 

but i am over waiting. with him i've waited for the distance to close. with you i've waited until i lose interest. which didn't happen. so i quit.

[Barenaked-NoMre]

CPO,

 

I am missing you.

 

I am no longer of interest to you ... I gather. That saddens me deeply!

 

So far, I cant say I've met anyone I can replace the dent you've made in my life. They cant replace the nice, decent, kind, sweet and generous man I've CUM to know. :-(

 

If you only knew ...

 

A

[missmanners]

i wish you would just talk to me...

 

if you have something to tell me, why not just give me call? it's not like you don't know five million ways to reach me... or ten million ways to force me to listen...

 

why tell other people and not me? why have these people tell it to me and not follow through with it?

 

given that maybe you didn't know these people told me... but the fact remains.

 

i wish you'd just tell me.

Edited March 11, 2005 by missmanners

[Guest simply_miss]

Thanks for loving me

Thanks for the all the care

 

I wish you true happiness

I wish too that you'll find the right one for you

 

Take care always....my pillow friend

[sweetpsyche]

God, if you do exist.

Just give me a minute

so i can breathe...

[roxysnonie]

regardless...

 

of what has or will happen,

 

of what you'll become,

 

of what others have made you,

 

of all the cruel world have done to you

 

ill be here.

 

 

for the person i knew one summer,

 

privileged to see her true self,

 

honored to hear what her thoughts are...past, present, future

 

felt what she really feels

 

ill be here.

 

 

a promise is a promise.

 

 

 

(even if it takes 50 first dates!)