Writings of the Heart

[Chuck Attack]

Words are the bones. Writing is the lungs. Reading is like breathing.

[uaeboy25]

Nde na maibabalik ung kau,

 

Hanap ka na ng bago

[NoodleMaker]

Hi everyone, sorry for this long post pero wala akong malabasan ng sama ng loob.

I was in an LDR with this beautiful, highly accomplished woman. Incredibly sexy, both physically and intellectually, especially since she’s 10 years my senior. we met at work but then it would take some 3 years before we came to know each other. things went on and she became my gf. the conversations were great, and so were the sexcapades.

She was the only one who was able to stimulate me intellectually as well as sexually.

I then moved overseas and we continued to have an LDR. we would meet in Singapore or HK for a few days just to keep the LDR going. and I would spend some nights at her place whenever I went home for the holidays. sometimes she’d spend Christmas and New Year’s Even with me and my parents. And man, those were the best times!

I always looked forward to our conversations, even if it meant having huge cellphone bills. I imagined her every time I go to sleep. the thought of being reunited with her during my holidays kept me going.

but there came a point when I had to choose between continuing the LDR or finding someone new. If I choose her then I won't be able to have kids. since she’s older it became inevitable that as the years passed she won’t be able to bear any children due to her age. besides, I’m not getting any younger, I’m in my 40s now. Not to mention the huge f#&king social pressure to get married and have kids. so I decided to stop fighting. I had to break things up as gently as I could.

I feel guilty that I may have taken away her only chance to have a family of her own, and I left her when she needed someone the most. sometimes i feel sorry for myself, sometimes I feel pathetic. I recently went home for the holidays, tried to wish my ex a Merry Christmas but she just chose to ignore me. and that’s when it hit me: I never should have let her go.

I should have stuck with her. I never should have left her alone. sometimes I would wish that I could re-do everything again, and if it happens, things will be different. I’ll probably pop the question sooner. I’d go against my parents and the rest of society’s pressures. I should have treated her better. I’d fight for her more. I wish I could do these things, but I can’t.

Now I recently found someone new, but even when I’m in her company all I could do is think of my ex. I would daydream of her whenever I drive back home at night - dangerous when you're driving at more than 150kph. Even in the presence of my friends and family, I feel so alone. when I make love with my gf now, it’s just not the same mind-blowing sex that made me glow in the end. Sometimes I would look at her photo in my laptop, it’s one of those photos that I took of her in Ocean Park HK. She was wearing a red sleeveless shirt, tight jeans, her hair tied in a perfect ponytail, incredibly beautiful.

kung kelan hindi na kami, this is when gusto kong paikutin ang mundo ko sa kanya. Why did I make that f#&king mistake? What the hell was I thinking? Was life abroad too comfortable for me to go home and spend more time with her? why wasn’t I strong enough to fight for the relationship? Why did I allow her to be the one fighting for us, instead of us fighting to keep the relationship alive? What the f#&k was I thinking?

There’s a verse in a song that says - in effect - that it’s better to be alone if you can’t have the woman you love. now I know how it feels. I feel like a part of me died, that I will never be complete, and things will never be the same.

and to make matters worse I’ve been frequenting massage parlors and girlie bars just to get laid. I would search for the girl who closely resembled my ex’s physique because I want to relive the same intimacy that I had with her. I know I should stop because of all the money I’m throwing away, not to mention the danger of STDs. and even worse: I contemplated suicide. I imagined myself writing a note, telling people who found me to mail the note to her. imagined myself holding a gun to my mouth and pulling the trigger.

masyado bang ma-drama? too much wallowing in self-pity? Eto ba ang plano ng Diyos, na dapat ipaghiwalay kaming dalawa and let me end up with someone else? Or I’m probably punishing myself too much. Right now I just feel too pathetic. Probably the reason why I wanna keep working abroad is because I'm running away from this, or that I'm scared to suddenly bump into her. I'm probably just trying to escape the fact that she's gone... and it's my fault.

again guys pasensya na, thanks for your patience with my post. I couldn’t talk to anybody about this - not even my family and closest friends - and this is the only outlet that I know. it is during these times when it’s easier to talk to strangers than to friends.

[a n g e l]

Kaya mu yan laban lang.👍👍👍

[Shadowmoon01]

Love isn't blind
It sees....

It just doesn't mind

- By an old acquaintance

[B.C.]

Love and loss share the same unmade bed.

 

Micheal Faudet

[boymasahe10]

Sometimes we fall in love in a person with wrong place wrong time and its more painful to love someone at the right place but wrong timing it sucks

[villain1021]

no man is worth your tears

 

and the man who is..

 

wont make you cry

[kengko]

love peace and harmony

love love love

[clandestinecuddles]

Im beginning to worry about you and your family

[toxin]

love is a drug.. addicting... you'll fight for it, you'll die for it... you feel good because of love. you feel down and sad because of love.. you can fly because of love. you can see things because of love. you become a super hero because of love.. you are immortal because of love.. you can do a lot of things even impossible things just for love...

[Asyong007]

Sometimes you wish you met in a different place and time.

 

Sometimes you wish that you have knwon each other before.

 

Sometimes you wish you were there when she needed someone to save her and be her refuge.

 

Sometimes you wish that you were already with her before so you can love her, protect her, provide for her and guide her.

 

Sometimes you wish you prepared a long time ago, to be the right person for her, if you only knew you'll met her one day.

 

There are things we wish we could have done if only we knew that we will meet that special someone one day.

 

But...

 

We can never turn back the time.

 

We can never erase the painful experiences we've gone through.

 

We can never undo every mistake we made.

 

But we can prepare ourselves to be that person she always dreamed of.

 

We have been given the opportunity to meet that woman we always dreamed of. This is the time we take advantage of that opportunity or should I say blessing.

 

Now we have the time to prepare ourselves.

 

Now is the time to work ourselves out.

 

Not to be the perfect person, for there is no such thing as a perfect partner, but to be the right person should be our goal.

 

So throw away every disappointments and regrets. This is the year to be happy! There's a new room for everything, a new beginning for every stories and new roads to take!

 

Live, laugh, love!

 

Just what a lady who's dear to my heart always says "Y.O.L.O. ako eh..."

 

You only live once, so make the most out of it!

[jelly bean]

just like how you create time for anything else you value in your life, you have to create time for the woman/man in your life. quality time is better, but quantity shouldn't be lacking either.

[wshu89]

So liberating

[gambit042310]

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;

I love you because I know no other way

than this:

where I does not exist, nor you,

so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,

so close that you close your eyes i fall asleep

 

Pablo Neruda, 100

Edited January 12, 2018 by gambit042310