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Would You Go After Someone Who is Taken?


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On 1/19/2024 at 4:59 PM, Bluelantern said:

This happened to me long ago. There was a woman I liked, but she had a long distance boyfriend far far away. We started flirting and spending lots of our free time together. There were definitely some vibes developing. However ultimately I wouldn't cross the line and get intimate with her. I refused to do that to her relationship. So I eventually cut contact and we drifted away. Years later she later reached out and hinted at hooking up, but at that time I was in a relationship and had to turn her down.

Looking back I'm proud of my previous actions. I stuck to my morals and beliefs. Sure I could have had wild and crazy sex, but at the cost of destroying a relationship she obviously treasured, or vice versa later on. I believe that if we are meant to be, an opportunity will happen where we are both available for each other. Destroying relationships for my selfish desires isn't a way I want to live my life.

I respect you for your stand @Bluelantern.

i have a different opinion though. If the girl was truly happy in her relationship, would she have even given you the chance? Attraction is not a choice and in your case there was tons of it from both parties. She gave you an opening because you clearly had something that she was missing in her relationship. In such a case, if it was me, I would have gone for it. But, that’s me. 

I seriously believe in survival of the fittest. If you are able to give something to the other party that their current partner can’t, then it boils down to a matter of choice between consenting adults. To each their own.

 Like I said, I respect your choice and I’ve done it many times but if I felt instant chemistry with the other party and it was an option, I’d go for it.

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On 1/21/2024 at 9:20 PM, socratesaristotle said:

I respect you for your stand @Bluelantern.

i have a different opinion though. If the girl was truly happy in her relationship, would she have even given you the chance? Attraction is not a choice and in your case there was tons of it from both parties. She gave you an opening because you clearly had something that she was missing in her relationship. In such a case, if it was me, I would have gone for it. But, that’s me. 

I seriously believe in survival of the fittest. If you are able to give something to the other party that their current partner can’t, then it boils down to a matter of choice between consenting adults. To each their own.

 Like I said, I respect your choice and I’ve done it many times but if I felt instant chemistry with the other party and it was an option, I’d go for it.

I appreciate the response! It's tough to say looking back. LDRs in general are difficult because of the distance and lack of being with one another. It's possible that I was just convenient stand-in when she was lonely and horny.

IMHO it's just a bad foundation to start a relationship by cheating on a current one. It leaves some paranoia of "If she cheated on her past bf with me, what's stopping her from cheating on me?". Not to mention all the drama that the cheating, and possibly ending the LDR would bring.

Sure it leads to some great short term benefits, but at the time I really liked her and wanted more than just some casual sex. I wanted more from her, and she wasn't willing to break up with her bf, so I cut contact to try and move on. I'm not sure how long that relationship lasted, but it was probably 3 years later when we touched base and she hinted at hooking up again.

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