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What Has Love Taught You Lately?


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A very old post from my dead blog:

 

 

The married guy--#1.

 

 

 

I loved him. And if you care to know, I do love him still. Only I don't listen to that part of my heart anymore; I've gotten used to it. Ours was a love that was one-of-a-kind. We loved each other so much that we let each other go.

 

 

 

While we were together we never hesitated to show how loved the other was. Phone calls, text messages, letters, e-mails, visits, dates, being in the same place on opposite corners of the room not talking to each other. These sustained our relationship.

 

 

 

He didn't promise me the world. And I didn't want the world. When I met him I knew I had found the one person meant for me, and having him even for borrowed time was enough. I knew someday it was going to end. We had no illusions of happily ever after. We were both realistic. On my part, I knew I wouldn't forgive myself if I ruined his family. So I told him he could walk away any time. On his part, he knew he couldn't keep me forever, even if he wanted to. So he always told me I deserved so much more than what he was giving me, so if I should meet a guy who could do that or if I just wanted to be free, I could walk away anytime, too.

 

 

 

With that arrangement the relationship went on, day after day. We braved through everything together--his problems, my issues, our complications.

 

 

 

Until that fateful day came. His wife found out about me. He called me saying he needed to make a choice. We wanted to be with each other, but what he had was a family and a sense of responsibility that was greater than all else. As for me, I didn't think I'd be happy with him knowing I have left his children fatherless. So the choice was easy to make, and I made the choice for all of us. I told him to deny everything. To deny that I was ever in his life. I told him to stay with his family, to forget me, and to move on. That day, on the phone, he was saying some things to me, about how our relationship could be saved and how we could still be. But I could not hear what he was saying; there were so many voices in my head.

 

 

 

I have little recollection of what else happened that day but I vaguely remember her calling me and demanding to know who I was in her husband's life. I told her I was just a friend, that I knew he was married and that I didn't have bad intentions or anything. Then I promised her I would be as far away from him as possible, and that I would never make contact with him or any member of their family, ever.

 

 

 

Something needed to be done. We needed to end it. My heart had automatically shut down and my body ran on auto-pilot.

 

 

 

We never saw each other again. Never communicated. Until 3 years later I found out he had long ago joined an online community I was in and had all the while been checking up on me. Just like before, we were in the same "room" on opposite corners. We knew of each other's presence, but we didn't say a word to each other. A couple of times he managed to say hello and asked how I was, to which I briefly answered that I was fine. Nothing happened after that.

 

 

 

In my previous post I said that you have to go for what you want, if you want it bad enough. It is not always true. Sometimes, to be happy you have to let him go.

 

 

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that sometimes even if you've let go of someone there's ALWAYS a part of your heart that he will forever own. i loved you once ... I'll love you forever.thank you for everything you've done to help me right the wrongs in my life. :wub: teacher,friend,lover,mentor. there is no one else like you and there never will. wherever you are are hope you're happy.

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A very old post from my dead blog:

I loved him. And if you care to know, I do love him still. Only I don't listen to that part of my heart anymore; I've gotten used to it. Ours was a love that was one-of-a-kind. We loved each other so much that we let each other go.

 

He didn't promise me the world. And I didn't want the world. When I met him I knew I had found the one person meant for me, and having him even for borrowed time was enough. I knew someday it was going to end. We had no illusions of happily ever after. We were both realistic. On my part, I knew I wouldn't forgive myself if I ruined his family. So I told him he could walk away any time. On his part, he knew he couldn't keep me forever, even if he wanted to. So he always told me I deserved so much more than what he was giving me, so if I should meet a guy who could do that or if I just wanted to be free, I could walk away anytime, too.

With that arrangement the relationship went on, day after day. We braved through everything together--his problems, my issues, our complications.

 

Until that fateful day came. His wife found out about me. He called me saying he needed to make a choice. We wanted to be with each other, but what he had was a family and a sense of responsibility that was greater than all else. As for me, I didn't think I'd be happy with him knowing I have left his children fatherless. So the choice was easy to make, and I made the choice for all of us. I told him to deny everything. To deny that I was ever in his life. I told him to stay with his family, to forget me, and to move on. That day, on the phone, he was saying some things to me, about how our relationship could be saved and how we could still be. But I could not hear what he was saying; there were so many voices in my head.

 

I have little recollection of what else happened that day but I vaguely remember her calling me and demanding to know who I was in her husband's life. I told her I was just a friend, that I knew he was married and that I didn't have bad intentions or anything. Then I promised her I would be as far away from him as possible, and that I would never make contact with him or any member of their family, ever.

 

Something needed to be done. We needed to end it. My heart had automatically shut down and my body ran on auto-pilot.

We never saw each other again. Never communicated. Until 3 years later I found out he had long ago joined an online community I was in and had all the while been checking up on me. Just like before, we were in the same "room" on opposite corners. We knew of each other's presence, but we didn't say a word to each other. A couple of times he managed to say hello and asked how I was, to which I briefly answered that I was fine. Nothing happened after that.

 

In my previous post I said that you have to go for what you want, if you want it bad enough. It is not always true. Sometimes, to be happy you have to let him go.

Are both of you happier now? Or do you just live mundanely and separately to keep everyone else happy? I can imagine the happiness you felt when you were with each other. I was just wondering if you feel that same way without him, with someone else or maybe you even feel greater happiness than before. Just asking?

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