Getting into a relationship will be your greatest impediment. Do not build your own walls, build roads instead. Come to think of this? MTC serves a purpose and that is to bestow us the “release” so that we get energized and in return become more productive in our chosen craft. Have multiple women as much as you can and treat them well with love and fun. As simple as that. Of course I know you’re a bit depressed as of now because you allowed it to get into your head. I suggest going to the gym and eat healthy stuffs… forget about the love BS. Love yourself instead