LadyLazarus

C,

I still love you and I can't seem to move on. I'm this close to getting into another mistake, and when I think of you and what happened to us, I start to pull away from the almost-mistake. For this, I thank you for being my unseen savior.

I should thank you too for returning my friendly messages with the same kind of friendliness I try to portray. At least I know that you're still alive, and even remotely interested in my welfare too (even if the interaction lasts for only 4-5 text messages).

I love you, still. I think I always will. No, I know I always will, and no other person can take that away, even if he tries to. You will always be my benchmark for what a relationship should be (while it lasted).

M

Works hard. Plays harder?

"I wonder how many couples are making out right now?"

Any plans of going to the beach this summer?

Manhid na 'to...

Sino kaya sa kanila?

I Try - Macy Gray

C,

I miss it...how we used to be. I was fun, you were fun. I was caring and affectionate w/o being clingy. You were exactly what I needed. Then after that weekend, we started to change, both of us...

I couldn't help but entertain doubts. What kind of friend would be calling you at 2,3 or 4 in the morning? I know you hate it when your girl suspects you're cheating, but logically speaking, the time between midnight and the time your friend called would have been enough to process the fact that you're on your way home and not out drinking with them.

I hate this...I love you. But I hope you understand why I'm reciprocating with such aloofness. I don't know if I'll ever get those pictures you took, or if/when we'll see each other again. Like I said, I am just here for you when you need me. I won't impose or "manipulate" (like you said) anymore. This time, I meant what I said. And if I don't hear from you again, then it only means you've moved on and decided to eliminate me totally from your life.

For now...bahala na...I still love you so much. I love you so much na tinitiis kita para di ka na mahirapan...

M

Baby luv, I feel guilty that I caused you to go home during the wee hours of the morning for two nights in a row.

Monday was bitter-sweet...

I enjoyed sharing a meal and two drinks with you (our favorite), talking ceaselessly about how Christmas with family and friends went. I loved every moment that you had your arm around me, and rested your head on my shoulder while embracing me. I could still remember how you looked as your rested on the driver's seat, slightly intoxicated, patiently listening to me chatter away. It was the same look I saw when we first met..and a wave of endearment flooded my throbbing chest.

I honestly forgot what caused the sudden shift from sweetness into an exchange of painful truths, sobs, and a bumpy ride back home. What I could remember is what is inevitable and what I saw was coming right after we shared a weekend together. What I hold dear to me is the memory of how you held my face to kiss my tears away, how we looked into each others' eyes, and our parting words that night..."que sera sera".

Last night...

I still couldn't believe that I begged you to come pick me up, even if you wanted to get some sleep after your party. I was fueled with the fact that I may not be seeing you, holding you for a very long time. Unless the stars align that I be granted a chance at a "normal" life again, I will be practically a virtual lover...

Thank you for indulging me with last night's demand. You can breathe easier now...

Iloveyou, baby...que sera sera...

How do you contain a heart overflowing with love?

When will you ever come to your senses and realize that sometimes, "sharing" and "sacrifice" are two words that aren't always meant to used to pertain to what is virtuous?

Who do you think will win at the end of all of this?

Why does love have to be so poignant?

I gotta stop checking my phone every now and then...

My dear baby luv...I don't know what came over me last night that I was finally able to tell you most of what's been going on in my mind for the past week. I somehow felt what you confirmed, but I am immensely grateful for your honesty. Now I don't know what to do...

All that I know is that I do love you, and I truly believe that you love me, after what I said to you last night. This may be different from what we are both used to, you being able to read my mind and plan your actions to control me from being my ugly, bitchy, clingy self, and me being so upfront and asking you to be so upfront with me. But maybe this is a kind of different that's good for us. I know that your way of "handling" me helps me realize that I won't always have things go my way. And I hope that my asking you to talk about what you are thinking of and what you want to happen, would also somehow help you loosen up and let down your guard sometimes.It's been a poignantly wonderful month with you loving me. I want to make it last as long as we can make this last, difficult as it may be. I'm crazy about you, but I won't allow these feelings control me. That's part of the lesson I shall learn from you, being logical over being emotional.

I could only wait for and savor the day/days that you would be mine and mine alone...

My Moody Baby Belly,

I know that your patience is already running out...which is why I need to be alone first. These next few days will be hard for me, but if it means sacrificing some things that we're both used to, just to avoid getting into each others' nerves, then I will give way.That's how much Iloveyou baby luv.

I'm sorry if I haven't recognized the efforts you've made and just focused on my moping. You make me want to be a better person. And I will stand by that truth, even if it means that I would be like an alcoholic out of rehab. I just hope that you would continue to be as patient, and as transparent as you already are.

I won't be gone for too long. I just need to gain back my composure as the LL you met before. I'm still here.

In the same token, don't keep me waiting too long, baby, because I'm still excited to finally have you to myself on the beach where we will make memories...

Your Melodramatic Tita Baby

Cocky...but still endearing...

Baby luv,

It's getting harder for me to accept reality crashing down on us. I'm sorry I broke down crying, and I'm sorry if I may same to act like a jealous wife oftentimes (You have to allow me to say "sorry" here. This doesn't count in our deal ).

I realize that my being needy is because of time wasted, time ticking away, before I would need to leave and I envy you because you always have options. I have only one - YOU.

Sometimes, I just want to stop this altogether. Sometimes, thoughts of finding another man to spend time with, enter my mind. Remember last weekend and I tried going out on a date with someone else? A lot of times during that evening I was with that guy friend, I was thinking about you instead.

Iloveyou. I only wish I could keep this up until I find someone else who's just like you or even better... :cry:

Your Baby

You make it ll worth it, this eloquent pain.

Realize - Colbie Caillat

I'll be going away-

1 I'll be in Hawaii- meeting the locals, wearing a grass skirt, and I'll be eating and cooking Spam

2 I'll be in Ireland - visiting landmarks of my pagan forefathers, castles, and enjoying the emerald of the countryside.

3 I'll be in Egypt - discovering who I was in the past, revisiting vaguely familiar sites

4 I'll be in Thailand - recovering my spirituality while satisfying my consumerist need for a new wardrobe

I'll be going away-

1 ... but I would be thinking of how it would be wonderful to meet the locals together, to have you take a photo of me in a grass skirt, and how we would enjoy Spam by the beach

2... and every landscape, castle, or historical landmark I would visit would only remind me of your D90.

3... and not being able to skip that part of a recent past, when I was still with you (by that time).

4...while I would not be whole without feeling the same love you are showering me with right now.

I'll be going away,

but for now, baby luv,

I'm yours. I'm still here.

Until we both can't bear it anymore if I stay.

Iloveyou, baby luv...

You may have come to realize that you love him, deeply...but that doesn't mean that he would love you as much as how you can love him. You were always the more loving one...until you run out of love entirely and just disappear...

Fireflies - Owl City

(Here! )

Here! Habol-habol!

Catch me if you can, cupid.

I wonder how long this will last, this time around? I know that it's a unique arrangement, but maybe it's for our own good.

Let's hang out sometime. I'm starting to miss you.

Why do I feel so good when you call me "Baby" even though I know that I'll never really be yours in that sense? Why am I hoping that you would be the one who would break down all of my defenses and sweep me off my feet?

Hope...is a great feeling...and yet...I gotta balance it off with this thing called "reality".

And it really does bite...like a vampire's spell.

Don't call me "Baby", ever again.

My heart weeps and the silent wails are heard by those closest to me, mute as they remain. 'Though I love genuinely, I am incapable of loving purely. I have been tainted again. I have allowed it to happen. I searched for it and fed it in my own palm. I have been about town again...and this time, the earth did shake, and the waves did come crashing to the shore.

- Her Him.