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The Mail Box


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Dear Zell,


i purposely used the name, because if ever you read this. you'd know,


i am no good in words, i have problems expressing it. i have always wanted to tell you, but always too afraid to say it.


from the moment i saw you, you had captured my heart, but i denied it to myself. from that moment on every time we meet it would grow and grow up to the point that i cant deny it to myself, and then i realize "hey, you are really falling for her." even though your situation is very difficult, i wouldn't mind. i accepted it... no i embraced it. the whole you is what i want with all your strengths and flaws. I've always seen you as the perfect woman, smart, strong, beautiful, and independent. but still deep inside i see in you something more, even thou your a strong woman I've always seen that there is a fragile girl in you that i always wanted to protect. but you keep pushing me away. every time i come near, you put a space between us. maybe because of past experiences... i don't know...


i know how you see me... i'm just somebody that will be part of your past, nothing special, to be forgotten. but for a time i felt that there was something special between us but maybe it was just me. when i see or know that you're with other guys, it makes me jealous specially knowing that they have a better chance to you and almost none from me. its so painful... at times its so painful i want to scream... sometimes i want to cry... and now that you shut me out and i think that there is really no chance any more... the pain is so unbearable... i dont want to cry but im crying while doing this... but ill always have hope... even if its just a false hope...


after all off that, i want you to know that you'll always be that special to me. you'll always have a special part in my heart...
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Dearest J,

 

I know your struggles and all the bullshit you've been through, you are not the hopeless man whore or someone else's bitch you think you are right now. I can hit you so hard or punch you in the face or break your balls just to make you see things...real ones. Everything is going to be okay.

 

Take care.

 

S

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