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I can't think of anything to say to you now.... i look deep yet i find nothing. What's gonna happen now? i am empty...there won't be anything to excite me anymore.... no butterflies that flutter...no flushed cheeks...no more beating fast and loud....there is nothing left in me now....nothing to make me smile...or giggle nervously. There is nothing ....just a hallowed empty heart....and lots of terrible headache. :(

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4 Nov,

 

I am so used to dealing and maneuvering effectively from a position of one or of several strengths. I am unaware of what to do if I am in no such position. This November, I will find out what it is to deal from a position of mendicancy.

 

Noblesse oblige and all. Your position, relative to mine; you as one who has long ago paid her dues in full, mine as one who seeks the dream team yet again.

 

LC

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Z,

 

I can't believe that I'm still confused about my feelings for you, when it's really quite obvious how you feel about me. I wish I could just erase you from my memories, turn back the clock to the time before we met -- a cliche, I know -- anything to rid myself of this feeling that I get whenever I see you out with someone new, or when I hear that you've been sending her love notes or calling her before you go to bed. I used to be your last call of the day, remember? I used to be your last everything of the day. Now I'm reduced to writing you letters that you will probably never read, or, should you chance upon this site and this post, of all the posts of all the the members of all the threads on this site -- remember that movie? -- you will probably assume that it was meant for someone else, not you.

 

But that is the beauty of this site, and the very reason that I joined it in the first place. It affords me a certain semblance of anonymity, a false feeling of security that whatever I say here, even if I figuratively howl at the top of my lungs, no one will know who I am. I am merely another poster in a sea of nameless and mostly faceless posters. I have been reduced to a sequence of ones and zeros and pinpoints of light, but here I have the space to say anything I want.

 

What is the point of all this rambling? Only this: I miss you. I miss you, and I'm jealous of everything and everyone that is in your life. Jealous as hell. I wish I was still there with you.

 

There, I've said it. Break out the balloons and call out the band. I guess I *am* human, after all.

 

This is me howling in the wilderness, Z. This is me telling you what I should have told you long ago, if you read between the lines.

 

As T. S. Eliot once said, "These are private words addressed to you in public."

 

I wish you the best, Z. Yes, despite the jealousy. You know that things were never easy between us. Why should this be any different?

 

Be well, Z.

CK

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Sa mga katomaan ko kagabe...maraming maraming salamat po at naiuwi nyo ko kay manang!....kung di po dahil sa inyo....malamang na shoot nanaman ako sa imburnal. Salamat po. At isa pa pala...potek ka :angry: bat mo ko kinunan ng piktyur nung ginising nyo ko? :boo: ulangya kang babaita ka...burahin mo yan...di ako maganda jan I'm sure! :P hahaha! sa inyong dalawa...ambigat ko ba? bwahahaha! :P di bale nakarami naman kayo ng kiss eh, mwehehehe! :upside: Labyu Pwends! :*

 

nga pala ang ganda ng place mo friend :) :cool: ....pero talaga alam mo...palagay ko zombie na yung mga isda mo sa aquarium :lol: :lol:

Edited by iwalkalone
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virtual...must everything remain virtual between us now? you and me... separated by distance....time....fear...love. I know....we'll never see each other again...i know...i am sure. It's not just you....it's me...i fear you...i fear the possibilities.

Your face...the moments....they are all that remains.... they make me feel...somehow.... i am thankful...i l have loved.

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No guns were drawn, or was it your admission of defeat your ultimate weapon?

 

Did I let you off easy? My mission was of peace, of resolution. I dare not underestimate you, but I, too, would find it too draining to figure out a way to outsmart me.

 

Me, the one who gave you everything.

 

Me, the one who asked for nothing in return, but respect.

 

Me, the good wife.

 

I do not know if you are as much of a loser as you made me see you, knowing how proud you are of yourself in your little circle. Are you aware, now, that the world is bigger than you had imagined? Or, are you content in your small, secure space, with your adoring audience of one, she that would not know of Machiavelli, Kant, Salinger, chaebol, the conspiracy against developing countries?

 

Of course, you have found your equal.

 

I am too wary, not of the lies men tell, but of the words which they do not speak. I may have been able to read you like a book, but that was years ago.

 

My guard is still up. I can only assume that what little you have, you will guard with your life.

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