The Mail Box

[smaug]

am i far too complex for you to understand? too "small time" for you to underestimate?

 

 

 

do you know me?

 

 

 

judging me by my choice of wardrobe and appearrance?

 

the way i walk, the way i talk? too loud and arrogant dor you?

 

 

 

contradictions, inconsistencies on my actions,rituals(??????) and beliefs?

 

do you know the concept of time?

 

the changes, the nothing last forever stuff?

 

 

 

 

Lots of observation, even to the point of analyzing me, what did you found out?

 

 

choice of clothes(galit ka ke spongebob?) and hobbies

 

ano? peter pan syndrome borderlined on dorkism?

 

 

 

on my publicized introspection,

 

ano? 1st class assh*le ba?

 

 

 

nalito kana?

 

ngayon ka lang naka encounter ng hybrid na geek at maton

 

 

 

instead of wondering, labeling me, accussing me of being a liar, lets be friends.

 

Labas tayo. date? sure. but that would be assuming. pakilala kita sa tropa.

 

sama kita sa mga lakad namin. mas makikilala mo ko sa mga kaibigan ko.

 

 

Lagi mo naman ako napapansin eh. malamang, Me gusto ka sakin, heheh...

[simon b]

happy orange!

 

that was unexpected

out of the blue

from you

 

 

my day is complete

[iwalkalone]

May 9 2006

Dear family and friends,

It was 20 years ago ( on May 9, 1986) that I met my soulmate on a blind date at ____Beach in____. It was fate that our home during the year of married life was a small cottage in that same neighborhood.

Maya ( not her real name) had been gone for more than two months but i find it quite hard filling the void that her parting left. I was not prepared to lose her. I terribly miss her sweet smile and loving hugs and kisses. She gave me so much of herself and yet demanded very little in return. I realized now how interwoven our lives have become that it was quite impossible to find an activity that will not remind me of her.

And it seems that our lives stood at a stand still since Sep 14,2005, when she was admitted to the ______. I was really looking forward to a better 2006, having started and ended the past year with Maya in a hospital. I was quite hopeful that we will come out of this ordeal like we did in 1990 when she survived that 4.5 months of comma. And instead of being discouraged by her extended stay at the____. I took it as a sign that God still has plans for us. We just had to show a little more persistence and faith. Unfortunately, it was a different ending this time.

As I chose to witness every little procedure they did on her, those memories had been haunting me. I often get flashbacks of the pain she had to endure. It pained me to let go when I saw her getting tired and not responding to the medications but I do not wish to lengthen her suffering. Surely, she did not deserve what she went through.

With a final burst of energy, Maya surprised everyone when she came out of that final comma and was weaned off from the respirator during the last few weeks of her life. I became hopeful that we will win the battle once more. It was during those weeks when she was lucid that I was able to tell her the overwhelming support we got from family and friends during her hospitalization. I wish I was able to record the sweetest smile and appreciative expressive eyes for everyone to see as I was recalling each visit, phone call, mass and greeting cards, prayers and financial support.

I, too, am humbled with all your prayers and support up until her wake and burial. The list will be quite long for me to mention but you will know who you are. I feel honored by friends from U.S. who unselfishly found time in their scheadule to visit Maya in the hospital and brought us "pasalubongs". I am aware how preacious and limited your vacation time is. I was also quite touched by the gesture of a couple of my college buddies, who along with their families kept us company on Christmas Eve. In spite of the depressing environment at the hospital, that enabled me to experience the true spirit of christmas. To all of you who tirelessly offered encouragement and shared our grief, I will eternally be greatful.

And to my soulmate, my beloved wife...I will never cease loving you...until we meet again.

Edited October 28, 2006 by iwalkalone

[Demetrio_Supsoptite]

Bok,

 

Magdala ka ng pinat bater dito sa susunod na uwi mo. Wag mo munang ibenta yung relos na niregalo ng tiyuhin mo na nagseaman at baka makadilhensya pa ako ng pera. Medyo inaawitan ni kapitan is ate mo eh, kahit dalawang libo lang isang gabi. Sabi ko ibebenta ko na lang ang kalabaw kesa ganun. Nabalitaan ko sa dati mong kasama sa eskuwelahan na sumali ka daw sa LFS at madalas daw na namumundok kayo? Anong klaseng organisasyon ba yan? Mag-ingat ka sana at marami nang mga NPA na naglipana ngayon. Mabuti na lang at limandaan pa rin ang tuition fee mo diyan sa PUP.

 

Nagmamahal,

 

Tatang

[LostCommand]

It has been a great privilege serving with you, boys and girls. Whatever the outcome of the long 2-3 month wait, whilst our work is judged and the wheels of decision grind exceeding fine, I must say, I have not fought this intensely since perhaps my Pisay days. Although, damn, that MBA would have been helpful just about now, I guess I have not lost "it", yet.

 

Boys and girsl, we were not gifted with as much talent and training, nor experience, as the other, much older engineering teams. But whatever skills and talents we had, we worked to 150 percent, and beat everybody else in both strategy and in detail. The records show this. Above everybody else, we knew exactly what results were needed, we knew just we could get these in the time given us (well, only just about), we had that one pure, almost sublime, flash of insight on how to best go about the job, and we had 90 days of intense single minded focus.

 

We now return our equipment, our design computers, machines, specialised software, and top-secret design guides; our various tools, to their custodians. We return all these tools, these swords, notched and battle-scratched and completely used up, a few with tips broken off and left embedded in enemy skulls during those final close-in encounters, the questions and challenges flying thick and fast. For that is the only correct way to use skills, to use gifts. - completely. We held nothing back, fukced them with everything we've got, fukced with them up to the balls; there is simply no other way. For us, no burying of talents under the bowl. As my old buddy used to say, ibaon hangang bayag.

 

And whatever else we could not get by brilliance and honest hard work, we got by force, if not by force, then by surprise, if not by surprise, then by timing and subterfuge, and if not by even that, then by bluff and white lies. Scanty scruples stopped us not.

 

"All is fair, in love and war"

 

All is spent, in love and war.

 

Except for that little matter of the 1.5 billion pesos left unspent in our team design budget - this Ilocano engineer laughs; the icing on the cake.

 

Tatay, if all goes well, 1Q next year I would sign the blueprints with your own name and initials. You were my poor and struggling grandma's youngest, brightest child, and last surviving son, and was that rare best-and-brightest combination of UP class valedictorian and charismatic class president both; you were already a natural writer and obviously a born leader and editor-in-chief, who scholared at UP and did exactly that, and to be something more besides; an engineer for his developing country, but who was not given enough time.

 

So now, this engineering work is for you.

 

For 32 years ago, it was the black heart of martial law, and somewhere in those remote, military-oppressed hunger-stalked rural hinterlands, it was sunset, shadows and loneliness, and the air was thick all around with the wailing of the wounded, the deafening crackle of scores of M-16's at full auto, belt-fed M-60 red and yellow tracers slicing the air, that mindless whizzing of burning M-203 grenade shrapnel everywhere, and your command was outnumbered 2 to 1, your gun-arm savagely ripped and wounded, and still you stood up, firing that notorious, k*ll-notched baby M-16 from the other arm, and screaming, led your comrades in one final bloodsoaked charge, the best and the brightest, fearing no darkness.

 

14 close-range gaping gunshot wounds, and no surrender.

 

My grandma could not speak for months; tears like the rain, the prayers, prayers, prayers, for her last remaining son, every one unanswered; such heartbreak.

 

So now, this k*ll is for you, both.

 

More will follow. I am not done killing, repeatedly, as much as it may take to sate me.

 

LC

[naked_angel]

oist,

 

i missed you.

yes i did. you don't believe me no?

 

-k

[simon b]

its monday

and raining

 

 

melancholic blue...

[preacher]

CL

 

For once I'm at a loss for words.

Having you sit right in front of me last friday was intoxicating.

Even with the hint of cigarettes, your scent still drove me to fits.

I know you felt it. It was tugging at my pants to get out....

One of these days....... what a conquer you will be.....

 

sin cerely

 

the demon inside of J

[stillframe]

to my EX:

 

sorry ha. sorry for leaving you without a reason.. or at least, close, to a valid reason..

you see, im still in love with my first girlfriend that time..

and i would do anything, to be with her again..

kaya nung ngkaroon ako ng chance, i grabbed it at our relationship's expense..

im awfully sorry..

 

from once ur jerk..

[lemon]

you,

 

this actually violates the very rule we agreed on some two nights back but how else can i return the rebate?

 

it's never perfect. given our circumstances, it's actually insane but we keep coming back to it, building (and sometimes re-building) the structures brick by brick despite power outages, typhoons and meteor showers. many more to come, i suppose, and like we've always said... bring it on, baby!

 

lame rebate? nah, it's just the wrappings... how does no. 17 sound?

 

good morning, dear.

[iwalkalone]

oh please stop...what? you wanna help me? why? do you wanna f#&k me again? haha! what're you really up to? don't ! don't start! don't you tell me you care too! I am not falling for that one again! :upside: too bad. Well? take off that mask ....it's really a very common one you see, wahahaha! f#&k!!! I'm tired of all these bullshit <_< ...what is it then that you want from me? there must be something...stop pretending! you stink like everyone else does! you just wanna have a piece of me as well !!!! That's all...admit it!!! f#&k you all!!!

Edited October 30, 2006 by iwalkalone

[simon b]

m,

 

winala ko talaga ang number mo

 

di mo na ko makikita pero titingnan pa rin kita

mula sa malayo.

 

please, wag sa akin, wag ako

hanggang dito lang ang kaya ko

 

sana sa isang taon di na kita makikita don...

 

s

[iwalkalone]

______________,

ako din gaya nya...winala ko na rin number mo...too bad...di na kita makikita kahit sa malayo...

hanggang dito na lang din ang makakaya ko...ayoko nang pahirapan ka...mahal kita...basta mamahalin lang kita...pero hindi na kita makakasama....

sana sa isang taon...gumaling na ko...

-m

[naked_angel]

dear you-my-good-old-fashioned-loverboy:

 

i hate to admit this, but everyday i miss you more. more than i'm admitting. more than i should.

i sleep blissfully after our kisses and see you soon every night. i sometimes dream of you. but most of the time, i wake up to the terrible nightmares. they haunt and mock me to no end.

lover boy, you have to hold my hand each night and make it go away. please make it go away?

 

missing you,

 

your evil one

[simon b]

magenta,

 

how delightful you are

 

s