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this feeling is with me for four months now. i wrote it down on a note pad and ill just post it here.

 

 

 

today, i feel so depressed.

 

t#ang%na ang hirap.

 

i wanted to say to her the truth because i dont

 

want to hurt her. the longer i lie, its gonna

 

be more painful.

 

its not right anymore. i just want to be alone

 

in an island.

 

disturbed yet mindful of things.

 

melancoly and tired.

 

the other, i want to talk to her and tell her

 

things. but i want to give it time to truly

 

know if its correct or not.

 

i dont know if shes really true. i know that

 

with her, well have a better future

 

but shes different. is it just because ive been

 

with the same woman for a long time?

 

i dunno wat to do with lies...

 

 

----

letting go....

 

To give you an advise as one of your bestfriend.

 

in life sometimes you can have what you want as

long as you are 100% sure and determined that

you WANT it.

 

distractions is normal.

 

hesitation is normal.

 

having doubts is normal.

 

confusion is normal.

 

think about what you’re going to do before you do

it.

 

listen to yourself. the only person that can

help you is YOU.

 

decisions come naturally but in life there are

decisions that needs time

 

the most important thing is you can have what

you want because you want it.

 

because it makes you happy.

because that is what you want.

because you know in your heart and in your mind that is what you have decided to do.

 

having mistakes is normal as long as you learn from it.

 

having what you want not because of the consequences that

will happen.

 

not because of what people think about you.

not because what people might think if you do it.

not because that is the only thing you can have.

not because that is the only thing left.

not because you want security.

 

but of course if you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything.

 

 

PS.

 

As i have told you earlier, i will not wait for you to pick one of us. ako na ang lalayo at iiwas, for you to have a lesser burden. i only wish you all the happiness that he can give you.

 

i know from the start that you do not really love me. you have just gotten used to me because i was always there. from hardship and happiness i was there for you.

 

and to be honest i hope I will always be there to guide you and to strengthen you.

 

 

i will make a promise to you and god. i will

always be here for you because you were a part

of my life. just talk to me and ill talk back.

 

i do not have any regrets from the things that I

have done. because falling in love not wrong.

 

i will not compete nor tell you how much i love you.

 

 

i have already forgiven you on all the lies you have done and all of the meaningless sacrifices that i have done for you.

 

all i want is your happiness and that’s all but if that means forgetting you, ill do it.

 

 

Wishing you all the happiness in your life

------

today

 

 

regret : this is what i feel right now.

i was willing to give up everything and

 

anything for her.

 

nagkamali pala ako. akala ko totoo na.so many

 

promises that was made yet they were just all

 

lies.

 

bumaba ang tingin ko sa kanya.ang daming akala

 

at matatamis na salita na binanggit nya na

 

naniwala ako. akala ko talaga matino sya.

 

sabi nya gusto nya din magkaanak sa akin at

 

ayaw nya akong mawala tapos sabi pa mas

 

matimbang ako kaysa sa bf nya at mas mahal nya

 

daw ako.

 

t#ang%na e baket bigla syang papatira sa iba.

 

p#ta ang naging tingin ko sa kanya.ilang araw

 

lang lumipas. walang delikadesa ang lintik.

 

inisip ko na lang na madali ko syang nakuha

 

kaya dapat madali ko din sya kalimutan.

 

i thought tama ang naramdaman ko. hindi pala.

 

honestly, sya talaga ang nagiisang babae na

 

gusto ko magkaroon ng anak! for the first time

 

in my life naramdaman ko ito sa kanya.

 

sya ang babae na naisip ko may future sana ako.

 

nagkamali ako at hindi ko kinilatis pagkatao

 

nya.

 

dahil sa kanya madami akong nagawang mali.

 

may nagsabi sa akin na ang pag mamahal minsan o

 

kadalasan akala mo tama pero mali pala.

 

ngayon alam na nya. alam kong sobra sakit ang

 

nararamdaman nya.

 

di ko alam kung ano gagawin ko dahil pagod na

 

ako. gusto ko syang suyuin pero wala sa puso

 

kong gawin.

 

hindi ko naramdaman na natakot baka mawala sya

 

sa akin. hindi ako nagisip kasi nung umpisa pa.

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  • MODERATOR

Tsk tsk

 

If you're too blind to see that your paranoid psycho boyfriend is an assh*le, then I pity you.

 

If you do not want to speak up against his invasion of YOUR privacy, then that's your problem.

 

Sorry if I was worried. But hey, it's really not my problem, so it's no skin off my nose.

 

Have a nice life. I hope he doesn't k*ll you

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No matter how many times the scene plays over and over again in my mind, random re-runs seems to desensitize me of any feeling except disgust and resentment. I'm getting the hang of blocking out the replays, compared to a computer the human brain does have more ports to block and filter out. On one hand, its for sure, for some, there'll be always a ghost in your lives either when you're not alone or together, until the very last day you die. The sweetest revenge is to live the happy life.

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