Need some inputs on a problem

[scam]

Thanks guys. Mali nga nagawa ako at pinagsisisihan ko talaga sobra. Dahil lang sa pagtatapat na wala naman sa plano ay parang kagaya ng pag chachansing sa kanya yung hatol. I know hindi pa end of the world because she still talks to me and we still go out kaya lang nanghihinayang ako kasi imbes na once a week pa rin labas namin ay nagiging once in two weeks na. Imbes na more chances to see her ay nabawasan tuloy kaya can't help na magalala at maparanoid minsan e. i keep hoping na sana manumbalik ulit yung once a week namin pero di ko lam when.

 

 

How elementray your problem can be and yet you feel it's bigger than the universe. p#ta, mangligaw ka pa ng iba para meron ka kadate lingo-lingo or kung kaya every other day. Million ang babae sa metro manila, bakit ka nagtiatiaga sa isa??? kaya ka tumatandang binata kasi elementary problem is too big for you to handle. LOSSER!!! I don't have the smallest amount of sympathy for you, your such a cry baby for your age.

[LordJaden]

Thanks guys. Mali nga nagawa ako at pinagsisisihan ko talaga sobra. Dahil lang sa pagtatapat na wala naman sa plano ay parang kagaya ng pag chachansing sa kanya yung hatol. I know hindi pa end of the world because she still talks to me and we still go out kaya lang nanghihinayang ako kasi imbes na once a week pa rin labas namin ay nagiging once in two weeks na. Imbes na more chances to see her ay nabawasan tuloy kaya can't help na magalala at maparanoid minsan e. i keep hoping na sana manumbalik ulit yung once a week namin pero di ko lam when.

 

Hindi ko rin maintindihan kung bakit rin niya binawasan pagkikita namin dahil sa pagtatapat ko pero ang logical reason na naiisip ko ay, siguro nabibilisan siya sa nangyari kaya niya binawasan yung pagkikita OR siguro iniisip niya baka magbigay ng wrong signal sa akin kung every week kaming nagkikita. Other than that hindi ko na alam. Sorry guys for analyzing too much pero gusto ko kasi manumbalik muli yung dati e and i dont know what i should do. Medyo lay low nga ako ngaun sa mga sweet nothings na messages e.

 

I dont think that's the reason. There's nothing wrong with verbalizing what she already obviously knows through your actions. It's either she likes you (altho i think not so much coz you will certainly know if she likes you so much) or she doesnt like you but doesn't have the courage to tell it to you coz you'll be hurt. Your verbalizing what she already knows isnt a big factor. Baka pag like ka nya at pinatagal mo pa isipin pa torpe ka. And modern times na ngayon, di na actually uso ang tunay na ligawan.

 

Ang uso ngayon ganito, konting text text tapos sasabihin ng guy "crush kita", pwede ba maging tayo? Sasabihin ng girl "Ha? ang bilis mo naman". Tapos konting bola pa, sasabihin ng girl. "Sige na nga like din naman kita eh!" That is, kung like ng girl yung guy. Pag hindi like ng girl yung guy ganito naman. Guy: alam mo, matagal ka kita crush. lagi kita naiisip, etc... pwede ba maging tayo? Sagot ng girl: Pakyu ka syet, maghanap ka pangong katulad mo!

OR kung mabait yung girl. "Pwede pag-isipan ko muna? Ambilis kasi ng pangyayari eh. Siguro naman makakapaghintay ka". Guy: Oo naman, i can wait even it takes a week or so. Girl: A week? Im thinking more like a year or so, ok lang?

 

Bottomline, tingin tingin ka din sa paligid. Dont waste too much time and energy sa kanya. If she likes you gagawa rin ng paraan yan. If she doesnt, well then paksyet sya hehe..

[wildswans]

There's nothing wrong of telling the girl you like her from the very start. It is actually beneficial on your part because she knows your intentions first hand and she can end it there if she doesn't like you. If I really like a girl I'd ask her "kung pwede ko sya ligawan" so she knows my intention and she can refuse or turn me down from the beginning if she's not interested. The mere fact that she still goes out with you despite confessing your feelings show she likes something about you. Just keep it up bro and you'll do fine. However, I find that "every other week" dates of yours very unusual. I think you need to investigate further the reason why she can only go out with you twice in a month. What is she doing on her free time? Is she seeing anyone else than you?

 

Thanks. That's what I don't understand and that's what driving me nuts right now, on why she decided to go out with me every other week. I do not know if she is seeing someone other than me. Even if she were I don't have the right to complain as I understand she can entertain as many suitors as she want to. But, if I were to review the timeline, everything changed AFTER I confessed. I noticed that she turn somewhat cold towards me after. The following week AFTER confessing, it was a Wednesday and she told me she was talking to her BFF online for 3 hours and after that she became cold and decline my invitation to go out the following day. Then I saw the FB wall conversation since we are friends in FB. So for me, these changes happened after I confessed. Coincidence or not then I don't know anymore.

 

Yes, it's kinda positive that she still goes out with me after confessing and even told me that gusto ako makilala ng mom niya. So if she's not seeing anyone for the moment, then all I could think of is, baka nabilisan siya sa pagtatapat ko kaya she decided to see me twice a month to slow things down because, take note, wala pa siyang feelings sa akin OR may nag advice sa kanya not to see me every week coz it might send the wrong signal OR kung minamalas then she's entertaining someone also. Damn...if I could turn back time. Another issue would be the age gap, it could be possible that SHE ALONE doesn't mind the age gap but I guess she's also worried what other people might say. It is possible that nakwento niya ako sa mga colleagues niya because she introduced me to them already and she even told me na nakwento niya ako sa pinsan niya and GF ng pinsan niya then there's the two BFFs kaya I'm sure some way or another ay nagulat silang lahat sa age gap, that is kung napagusapan. Minsan nga iniisip ko kausapin siya regarding our age gap since I doubt she will bring it up to me because she would think baka maoffend ako. I just hope and pray na maliwanagan ako soon and much better kung dumalas ulit labas namin. Thanks.

[ice_man5210]

aren't you a bit too old to be having problems like this?

 

A girl that age isn't really thinking about settling down yet. Most probably she is thinking that a guy your age is looking for a partner to settle down with already.

 

There are Plenty of fish in the sea, my friend. Just move one and find another. It's her loss.

[excitedvirgin]

If you are exactly how you wrote, you'd seem too predictable and she must have realized the generation gap. Few things to consider: 1.Women love the mystery,the feeling of uncertaity yung tipong alam namin na gusto mo kami pero wag mo i detalye masyado. May guy na nagsabi sa akin nun na ang saya saya nya na magkasama kami blah blah blah,don't get me wrong I like this guy pero di ko naman gusto malaman na kinikilig sya pag kausap ako. 2.Don't overanalyze this age,date sched and replies to your text. Kung may issue sya sa age di sya sasama syo in the 1st place,ung sched ng date,minsan talaga, issue ang time,effort to dress up at pagod pwede din na may iba pa syang suitor. Txt? utang na loob naman kung may pangtawag ka mas ok ang flow ng conversation kung calls. 3. Magpamiss ka naman kuya, or hatid mo pauwi everyday di pwdeng pag dates lang. Tutal old school naman kyo dumalaw ka sa bahay ng ma meet mo parents. * At your age ang duda ng lahat malamang married ka na. Medyo lame din na paulit ulit mo sinabi na nagagandahan ka sa kanya Goodluck sayo kuya

[startsaulo]

Hey! Don’t suffocate the girl with your love. Let her breathe. Distance your self for a while. Clear the air. If she really loves you, after a while, she should be running back to you regardless of your age difference. But be wary, as she may only want your companionship…. as a father. Damn! This will really hurt. Anyway, just keep in mind that If this will not k*ll you then it will make you a little bit stronger.

[wildswans]

If you are exactly how you wrote, you'd seem too predictable and she must have realized the generation gap. Few things to consider: 1.Women love the mystery,the feeling of uncertaity yung tipong alam namin na gusto mo kami pero wag mo i detalye masyado. May guy na nagsabi sa akin nun na ang saya saya nya na magkasama kami blah blah blah,don't get me wrong I like this guy pero di ko naman gusto malaman na kinikilig sya pag kausap ako. 2.Don't overanalyze this age,date sched and replies to your text. Kung may issue sya sa age di sya sasama syo in the 1st place,ung sched ng date,minsan talaga, issue ang time,effort to dress up at pagod pwede din na may iba pa syang suitor. Txt? utang na loob naman kung may pangtawag ka mas ok ang flow ng conversation kung calls. 3. Magpamiss ka naman kuya, or hatid mo pauwi everyday di pwdeng pag dates lang. Tutal old school naman kyo dumalaw ka sa bahay ng ma meet mo parents. * At your age ang duda ng lahat malamang married ka na. Medyo lame din na paulit ulit mo sinabi na nagagandahan ka sa kanya Goodluck sayo kuya

 

Thanks sa insights. Actually I'd like to call her pero I don't think she appreciates it and yes I've tried. Parehas kayo ng sinabi ng ibang female friends ko, na hindi na siya sumasama kapag may problem siya sa age ko pero alam mo, I really feel may problem siya sa age ko e. Let's put it this way, siguro she see something in me pero may pag aalinlangan pa siya sa age ko. I know a lot of people here are saying, age doesn't matter nowadays and believe me I think so too pero I really think it's bothering her. Base sa FB post found in her wall, there is something bothering her that she has to seek advice from her BFF. This post happened AFTER nagtapat ako and nkwento rin niya sa akin that she talked to her BFF for 3 hours thru skype and guess what, after that naging cold siya sa akin at kapag niyaya ko ay ayaw niya instead next week nalang daw. 2nd time, same scenario. 3rd time, which is just this past sunday, nagulat ako kung bakit cold siya at deadma niya ako totally, guess what, kausap pala niya earlier BFF niya tapos hirap na rin siya ayain ngayon after niya makausap BFF niya. I dont think these are coincidences at kung hindi ako problem niya then bakit ako yung nababalingan diba so tingin ko talaga may problem siya sa akin. So for me, wala naman akong nakitang pwede maging problem kaya ang educated guess ko talaga ay age gap namin. Ang tanong, is it ok to ask her if my age bothers her?

 

Lastly, I know about the hatid after work at hindi lang sa date but the problem is her and NOT me. Ilan beses ko na siyang inooffer ihatid pauwi whether wala lang, masama panahon or gagabihin siya from OT pero never, not even once ay pumayag siya. Believe me, natutuliro na ako coz alam ko naman mga dapat kong gawin pero sa ngayon hanggang labas lang ang payag siya, other than that wala na.

[Bugatti Veyron]

Thanks sa insights. Actually I'd like to call her pero I don't think she appreciates it and yes I've tried. Parehas kayo ng sinabi ng ibang female friends ko, na hindi na siya sumasama kapag may problem siya sa age ko pero alam mo, I really feel may problem siya sa age ko e. Let's put it this way, siguro she see something in me pero may pag aalinlangan pa siya sa age ko. I know a lot of people here are saying, age doesn't matter nowadays and believe me I think so too pero I really think it's bothering her. Base sa FB post found in her wall, there is something bothering her that she has to seek advice from her BFF. This post happened AFTER nagtapat ako and nkwento rin niya sa akin that she talked to her BFF for 3 hours thru skype and guess what, after that naging cold siya sa akin at kapag niyaya ko ay ayaw niya instead next week nalang daw. 2nd time, same scenario. 3rd time, which is just this past sunday, nagulat ako kung bakit cold siya at deadma niya ako totally, guess what, kausap pala niya earlier BFF niya tapos hirap na rin siya ayain ngayon after niya makausap BFF niya. I dont think these are coincidences at kung hindi ako problem niya then bakit ako yung nababalingan diba so tingin ko talaga may problem siya sa akin. So for me, wala naman akong nakitang pwede maging problem kaya ang educated guess ko talaga ay age gap namin. Ang tanong, is it ok to ask her if my age bothers her?

 

Lastly, I know about the hatid after work at hindi lang sa date but the problem is her and NOT me. Ilan beses ko na siyang inooffer ihatid pauwi whether wala lang, masama panahon or gagabihin siya from OT pero never, not even once ay pumayag siya. Believe me, natutuliro na ako coz alam ko naman mga dapat kong gawin pero sa ngayon hanggang labas lang ang payag siya, other than that wala na.

Bro it seems from what I've read so far is you don't have much experience dealing with women. I was once like you many many years ago (which is but natural when you're young). But from what I've picked up on, you're probably in your mid 30's or older if the girl in question is in her early 20's. I would expect questions like these coming from a teenager to a guy in his mid 20's but not from someone your age. So definitely you need do do a couple of things. First act your age. Show that you're confident in how you handle the opposite sex. You may show her that you care but let her know that she's not indispensable. You could lie low for a while and see if she'll call or text you to find out why you haven't been calling or texting her. If she calls or texts you, that would be your indication that she misses you. Which should boost your confidence.

 

But don't act like you're so happy to hear from her lest you give yourself away. Tell her you've been busy which is why you haven't been in touch with her lately. Ask her if she'd mind going out with you on a particular date. If she says yes, then you know she's still interested in you. If she says no, or doesn't even call or text you after you've lain low for a month or so, then maybe it wasn't meant to be. As many have already stated, there are many fishes in the ocean. Find one who will reciprocate your love.

 

 

But whatever you do, don't behave like a love-sick teenager, over analyzing what you said, blaming yourself, putting meaning into things that may have no basis in reality. Show more confidence in yourself, don't rely on fb and other networking sites for clues to what she thinks about you. Ask her point blank and take her answer like a real man. She might be thinking "this guy's already in his mid 30's but he's acting like a teenager." Not a very flattering image of you in my opinion. For all you know, she's just waiting for you to make your move.

 

Show a little more guts, Be more aggressive. But also be prepared for negative consequences if she prefers to have you as a friend or if she found someone else. At least it's better than not knowing hinde ba? And once you know, you can move on if you both agree that your relationship isn't going to work. Sure it'll hurt, but that's part of the love game. It's part of growing up. It's part of life. If you're not prepared to get hurt, then you have no business courting anyone.

 

And like everyone's been saying "lighten up!!"

 

Don't second guess yourself. Be as direct to the point as you possibly can so you don't end up wasting her time and she doesn't waste your time either. You don't have to be extremely serious while doing this...you could inject levity and humor while popping the question. It's important that both you and the girl are comfortable while you're discussing it. Neither of you should be tense when you pop the question.

 

She'll appreciate the frankness and your openness as well as your assurance that you can take whatever she throws at you like a man. So you spare her the guilt trip as well and makes it easier to tell you where you stand.

 

What you need is to find out at the earliest possible time if there's any way she will accept you as her bf. If she says she needs more time, you can make a joke about it by saying "I hope you can make up your mind by the time I'm middle aged." Making her feel comfortable may make her open up more to you whether in a positive way or in a not so positive way.

 

The important thing is to accept what she has to say with dignity. If she says "can we be friends nalang?" tell her sure, "you have my number, feel free to call or text me anytime." Then, for heavens sake, stop calling or texting her. The ball is in her court. In the meantime, try looking around for someone a little bit more mature who doesn't have parents tell her she needs to be home by 11 pm.

Edited September 4, 2013 by Bugatti Veyron

[Niru]

good am

 

1. drop down your "age+attitude". if shes on her early 20's act like your on your 22's, you have your own car, a stable work, resource capable,

dont get too serious with her, treat her with respect not only because you have fallen inlove with her but because thats how you treat all women alike.

AND ofcourse guys on early 20's dont want to commit on any serious relationship yet like MARRIAGE. but there is a catch... your 36 will end up becoming 36+++. like everybody else...

 

2. You have to understand that by being honest to her have made an impression of you being possesive. specially with your age gap. maybe thats how she feels,

on her side ofcourse she wants to enjoy her youth and thats were you come along, help her enjoy her youth. "It takes 5 dates to make a man fall inlove, while women takes 10." (eh sa 4th date palang tinakot muna hehe peace!)

 

3. It is evident that the opportunity to make her fall inlove with you is already gone but not permanently,

you just have to begin from scratch... 0, ZERO, 1-1=?. look on the bright side you can change your attitude from there, act naturally if not possible read the Laws of Seduction book or sounded like that BWAHAHAHA!!!

 

4. In the end its either you Raise the Flag or Raise the Roof !!! ruuf ruff!! ehem.

 

im out of here, what am i talking about...hehe

Edited September 5, 2013 by Niru

[LordJaden]

If age gap is the problem then why am i in a relationship with someone 17 yrs younger? And i am still not annulled with my ex. Now i have 2 little ones with my new wife (altho we're still not married).

 

Be cool lang. Heed our common advises, otherwise you are just wasting our time.

[bill_262003]

You seem to be too worried with your age. And if you are, it will show and the girl can see it. Age can both be a negative and positive thing.

 

For the negative thing, you can't do anything about it so just move on. The negatives would, of course be your body (your body is older like it or not and there would be some wrinkles already that you can't hide).

 

Instead of dwelling on the negatives, you should highlight the positives. What are the positives of your age?

 

Experience.

You already have more experience with women (and with that I don't only mean sex but with treating them). Use your experience to your advantage. And what does your experience say. For starters, don't just text, instead you should call! You said she didn't like it? Maybe, you were calling at the wrong time. Ask her what is the best time to call her.

 

Confidence

You seem to be lacking this one. But you need confidence. Women like confident men. And more often than not, this comes with age. The older you get the more confident you become.

 

Stability

This would be your number one selling point. You are now stable. You have the money to spend on her. You have your own car. Treat her to a good restaurant. Bring her to places she could't go. Women like stable men even if they are not yet looking for a partner to settle down with, that will always be in their subconscious.

 

 

I think a lot of posters have already stated this. Stop over analyzing. The way I see it, the girl can see that your self-doubt. Thus, she is also beginning to doubt you as well.

[wildswans]

Thanks for all comments and advise. I really appreciate it. To JT Blackknight, I guess you hit the nail on the head!

 

Here's what happened:

 

We went out today at nagsimba since nung Wednesday pa siya nagyaya to go to church. After church, ayaw niyang mag mall kasi lagi na daw kami nagmall at gusto niya magmerienda then uwi na daw coz di daw siya nagpaalam at gusto niya magusap kami. I sensed something's wrong kaya kinulit ko siya konti until nag open up siya regarding what her colleagues said about, bakit di namin napaguusapan kung mga personal matters among ourselves like naka ilan gf na ako at naka ilan bf na siya. It turns out wala pa siya naging bf. She also opened up to me na hindi pa siya ready sa commmitment and is actually afraid of it pa which made thought initially that she's turning me down na. Yun pala she's worried na baka kasal na agad gusto ko so I reassured her that we will still go along the process of nurturing the relationship, if ever, until she's ready or both of us are ready to tie the knot. Naginhawaan siya sa sinabi ko. After that, nagbanggit ako kung ok lang ba ituloy ko panliligaw ko and she blurted out "nanliligaw ka ba?" so I said yes. Then I asked kung pwede ba namin icontinue what we have started and also kung pwede ko siyang ligawan and she said yes. I then muster the guts and ask kung may pagasa ako, she said yes..meron. I didn't ask her about age issues anymore since sinagot na niya na may pag asa ako.

 

She gave me a birthday gift pa nga e - a belated one. What made the gift special was the effort behind it because it consisted of different items like humor cards, 3 kinds of sweet candies, a tshirt with a cute message and a pringle. Aside from those, she put post-it on each item with a sweet message handwritten by her. I really appreciated the gift very much.

 

Sana magtuloy tuloy na ito.

[sonnyt111]

Thanks for all comments and advise. I really appreciate it. To JT Blackknight, I guess you hit the nail on the head!

 

Here's what happened:

 

We went out today at nagsimba since nung Wednesday pa siya nagyaya to go to church. After church, ayaw niyang mag mall kasi lagi na daw kami nagmall at gusto niya magmerienda then uwi na daw coz di daw siya nagpaalam at gusto niya magusap kami. I sensed something's wrong kaya kinulit ko siya konti until nag open up siya regarding what her colleagues said about, bakit di namin napaguusapan kung mga personal matters among ourselves like naka ilan gf na ako at naka ilan bf na siya. It turns out wala pa siya naging bf. She also opened up to me na hindi pa siya ready sa commmitment and is actually afraid of it pa which made thought initially that she's turning me down na. Yun pala she's worried na baka kasal na agad gusto ko so I reassured her that we will still go along the process of nurturing the relationship, if ever, until she's ready or both of us are ready to tie the knot. Naginhawaan siya sa sinabi ko. After that, nagbanggit ako kung ok lang ba ituloy ko panliligaw ko and she blurted out "nanliligaw ka ba?" so I said yes. Then I asked kung pwede ba namin icontinue what we have started and also kung pwede ko siyang ligawan and she said yes. I then muster the guts and ask kung may pagasa ako, she said yes..meron. I didn't ask her about age issues anymore since sinagot na niya na may pag asa ako.

 

She gave me a birthday gift pa nga e - a belated one. What made the gift special was the effort behind it because it consisted of different items like humor cards, 3 kinds of sweet candies, a tshirt with a cute message and a pringle. Aside from those, she put post-it on each item with a sweet message handwritten by her. I really appreciated the gift very much.

 

Sana magtuloy tuloy na ito.

Congratulations are in order. Seems you got what you wished for. Ata boy!! Just continue being nice to her, try to be less formal, be thoughtful, find out what her interests are and try to read up on them so you have something you can talk to her about that she finds interesting. For instance, kung mahilig siya sa tele-novelas, at ikaw naman hinde, baka kailangan magumpisa ka manood ng mga favorite tele novelas niya.

 

Just let her know she can count on you come hell or high water. Good luck sa iyo and hopefully you can make the relationship grow.

 

 

[sonnyt111]

Congratulations are in order. Seems you got what you wished for. Ata boy!! Just continue being nice to her, try to be less formal, be thoughtful, find out what her interests are and try to read up on them so you have something you can talk to her about that she finds interesting. For instance, kung mahilig siya sa tele-novelas, at ikaw naman hinde, baka kailangan magumpisa ka manood ng mga favorite tele novelas niya.

 

Just let her know she can count on you come hell or high water. Good luck sa iyo and hopefully you can make the relationship grow.

 

 

Oh by the way, you may want to try to court the parents too. Be thoughtful and buy them presents on their birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, etc. A little good-will with the parents will go a long way especially if they like you. If some other guy tries to court your girl, your first line of defense will be her parents!! It doesn't get better than that unless of course rebelde yung girlfriend mo.

[fletcherlinderburgh]

Dude, don't get me wrong but aren't you a bit old for this high school feeling I'm in love kinda stuff? I mean, dude, let's face it, you're no psychic to be able to read your person of interest's mind. Chill. You'll get your girl if you get your girl. Ask her out, if she says no then ask another girl out. She's not the only fish in the pond, dude. Younger or older, who cares, if she really likes you then you guys will hit it off. Sometimes your so caled gentlemanly manners of apologizing can scare the bejezus in a woman. Man be yourself. Tell her what you want. Strike the conversation. Stop the high school crap of a bull and be yourself. You can do this man. But if it takes too much of your time wondering whats she's thinking then stop. You're no psychic. Ask her. If the answer is yes then, hell, we'll celebrate with yah, but if the answer is no, well hell, it's just one damn good reason to visit the mp's and espa of MTC. Go for it, man.