_Steroid_

Rabit here..

1987

** sorry.. this is how my mind works when im pressured..

to: alam mo na....

Madalas ko siya uli naalala ngayon. Pinipilit kong hukayin sa puso ko ang dahilan kung bakit. Sa wari ko’y tanggap ko na ang lahat. sa wari ko’y tapos na ko sa pahina ng pagdaramdam ngunit may mga saglit na gusto kong bumalik sa mga naunang yugto ng buhay ko upang lumublob sa pakiramdam na naramdaman ko non.

Gusto kong muli maramdaman yun. Gusto kong muli gumawa ng mga kakatwang bagay at kagaguhan sa buhay kong minsang nalunod sa bawat kalabisan ng kompleks na emosyon- na siyang itinuturing kong pinakamatinding kalaban ng tao.

Gusto kong muling magpuyat habang nararamdaman ang masiglang saya habang nakangiti sa mga text na nababasa ko sa taong hindi ko matiis na wag itext. Gusto ko muli maramdaman ang mag-abang ng tawag ng telepono at pumuslit ng telebabad. Gusto kong muling masira ang time table ko ng kung anong imbitasyon ng taong hindi ko matanggihan. Gusto kong makaramdaman ng kaba, kilig, pangamba, selos at galit.. halo-halong emosyon na kayang-kaya kong paghimay-himayin, paghiwa-hiwalayin sa normal na mode ng pagkatao ko..

Hinahanap-hanap ko ang ngumiti ng mainit, ng may tamis, ng may lambing at pag-ibig sa mga mata. Namimiss kong lumuha sa sobrang saya. Namimiss kong bitawan ang mga malalalim na kataga na may sinseridad sa puso ko. Matagal na rin nang huli ko yung naramdaman.

Higit sa lahat, namimiss ko siya. Siya na kayang baguhin ang lahat. siya na pumuno at siya rin na nag-iwan ng malaking puwang sa puso kong iginagapang ang kaligayahang matagal nang nalusaw kasama ng ulan..

Gusto ko siyang Makita muli... sa huling saglit kung iyon ay maaari.....

to my prof sa physics,

f*cksh*t ka!! ang hirap ng project na hinihingi mo.... ang hirap irelate ng samples ng physics sa psychology no.. praning ka!! aarrggggh!!!!!!

love,

ang estudyante mong ayaw sayo since birth!!

i am yet to know wat im gonna say coz i tend to disappear in a snap when i dont feel like pursuing a relationship anymore...

there are just times that beautiful men or women lose the personality that is necessary in attracting the opposite or even the same sex coz they think na they're beautiful na...

basta ganon.. later on, hindi mo na mapapansin yung mukha eh... lalo na kung marerealize mo na kaya pinagpala ng diyos sa kagandahan yung tao ay dahil nakalimutan pala niya budburan ng talino.. hehehe!!

been there, done that.. one of the craziest thing a person can do for the sake of the thing called love...

psychologically speaking, ang taong may totoong suicidal tendencies ay hindi na nagmamakaawa, nambablack mail o nagbabanta. this attempts are usually practiced by those you expect the least..

para naman sa mga nagbabanta, i guess they better have to look deep into themselves na pkkisamahan lang sila dahil sa takot at awa ng partner nila hindi dahil sa gusto pa talaga sila makasama.. there'll always be someone out there who's worthy of everything... just sit and wait...

i hurt people unintentionally when i cant give the love they deserve to give when they love me... i blame myself at times for not being able to reciprocate, but ill just hurt them more if show and say things i dont really mean instead of saying wat the real score is..

truth hurts. reality bites.. nakasakit ako sa pagsabi at pagpaparamdam ng totoo. but i know that this will make them happy in the near future..

Nobela by Join D Club

"ngumiti kahit na nahihirapan

kahit pa sinasadya mo kong masaktan paminsan-minsan

bawat sandali na lang

tulad mo ba akong nahihrapan

lalot naiisip ka

di ko na kaya pa nang kalimutan bawat sandali na lang.."

like a rock, like a planet, like a f**king atom bomb.

i remained upberturned by the joy and the madness that i encounter everywhere i turn.

ive seen in all along in books and magazines

like a twitch before dying, like a pornographic sea.

-- Generator by Bad Religion

When you are with me, im free, im careless

i believe, above all others, will fly

this brings tears to my eyes, my sacrifice...

----- My Sacrifice by The Creed.

id ko alam kung metal ba to eh.. pero kung under ng rock music, metallica, linking park, bad religion, rage against the machine (pero di masyado)..hmm, yun lang..

lars ulrich-metallica

Narda and Chiksilog by Kamikaze..

pampagising ang beat.. okay kahit ulit-ulitin...

at times, i cant help to question ely in my head why he had to let go of the band. for me their the best opm band ever. it felt like every song depicts the natural occurences and events of a "common tao's" daily life, emotions felt, wat goes in his mind everyday..

the messages enclosed in every simple words are very much felt by heart and always remembered by mind..

nothing beats Minsan, With a Smile, Alapaap and Magasin of their second album Circus; Poorman's Grave and Fill her from their third album Cutterpillow and Hard to believe from their album sticker happy.

it's alryt.. unless may tinatago kayo na hindi dapat malaman ng partner niyo...

on the other side, each of us has a privacy din to enjoy and be priveleged of...

fling?? hmm, in my case, hindi ko sinadyang maging filng yung relasyon namin.. during the first days of our relationship, i thought that things would last longer.. i even had thought of introducing this person to my parents.. sadliy, i reaized, na hindi sya tipong seseryosohhin at sasayaning ko lang ang karangalang maipakilala sya sa mga magulang ko .. so i let go.. no hurt feellings. there was concern. too bad, may potensyal sana syang mahalin... no regrets anyway.. i nver had a hard time to recover.. it didnt even have to take time to recover. wala kasi ako naramdaman..

narealize ko na kelangan ko na maawa sa sarili ko...

i realize that i love myself more than i love that person who has left the biggest mark in my life....