Kakita Yoshi

You Don't Love Me Anymore

Weird Al Yankovic

- Off The Deep End (1992)

We´ve been together for so very long

But now things are changing, oh I wonder what's wrong?

Seems you don't want me around

The passion is gone and the flame's died down

I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem

That time that you made it with the whole hockey team

You used to think I was nice

Now you tell all your friends that I'm the Antichrist

Oh, why did you disconnect the brakes on my car?

That kind of thing is hard to ignore

Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore

I knew that we were having problems when

You put those piranhas in my bathtub again

You're still the light of my life

Oh darling, I´m beggin', won´t you put down that knife?

You know, I even think it's kinda cute the way

You poison my coffee just a little each day

I still remember the way that you laughed

When you pushed me down the elevator shaft

Oh, if you don't mind me asking, what's this poisonous cobra

Doing in my underwear drawer?

Sometimes I get to thinking you don't love me anymore

You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill

Now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will

You set my house on fire

You pulled out my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers

Oh, you think I'm ugly and you say I'm cheap

You shaved off my eyebrows while I was asleep

You drilled a hole in my head

Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead

Oh, you know this really isn't like you at all

You never acted this way before

Honey, something tells me you don't love me

Anymore, oh no no

Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore

One More Minute

Weird Al Yankovic

- Dare To Be Stupid (1985)

Well, I heard that you're leavin',

Gonna leave me far behind,

'Cause you found a brand new lover,

You decided that I'm not your kind,

So I pulled your name out of my Rolodex,

And I tore all your pictures in two,

And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go,

Just because it reminds me of you.

That's right, you ain't gonna see me cryin'.

I'm glad that you found somebody new,

'Cause I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass,

Than spend one more minute with you.

I guess I might seem kinda bitter.

You got me feelin' down in the dumps.

'Cause I'm stranded all alone in the Gas Station of Love,

And I have to use the self-service pumps!

Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase.

You ain't gonna break my heart in two.

'Cause I'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face,

Than spend one more minute with you.

I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork,

Than watch you going out with other men.

I'd rather slam my fingers in a door,

Again and again and again and again and again.

Aw, can't you see what I'm tryin' to say, darlin'.

I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches,

Shove an ice pick under a toenail or two.

I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Stationwith

my tongue,

Than spend one more minute with you.

Yes, I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks,

Or stick my nostrils together with Krazy Glue.

I'd rather dive into a swimming pool filled with double-edgedrazor

blades,

Than spend one more minute with you.

I'd rather rip my heart right out of my rib cage with my barehands

and then throw it on the floor and stomp on it till I die...

Than spend one more minute with you.

Dare To Be Stupid

Weird Al Yankovic

- Off The Deep End (1992)

Put down that chain saw and listen to me.

It's time for us to join in the fight.

It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys.

It's time to let the bedbugs bite.

You better put all your eggs in one basket.

You better count your chickens before they hatch.

You better sell some wine before its time.

You better find yourself an itch to scratch.

You better squeeze all the Charmin you can,

When Mr. Whipple's not around.

Stick your head in the microwave, and get yourself a tan.

Talk with your mouth full.

Bite the hand that feeds you.

Bite off more than you can chew.

What can you do?

Dare to be stupid.

Take some wooden nickels.

Look for Mr. Goodbar.

Get your mojo working now.

I'll show you how.

You can dare to be stupid.

You can turn the other cheek.

You can just give up the ship.

You can eat a bunch of sushi, then forget to leave a tip.

Dare to be stupid.

Come on and dare to be stupid.

It's so easy to do.

We're all waiting for you.

Let's go!

It's time to make a mountain out of a molehill.

So can I have a volunteer?

There's no more time for crying over spilled milk.

Now it's time for crying in your beer.

Settle down and raise a family, join the P.T.A.

Buy some sensible shoes and a Chevrolet.

Then party till you're broke, and they drag you away.

It's okay.

You can dare to be stupid.

It's like spitting on a fish.

It's like barking up a tree.

It's like I said, you gotta buy one if you wanna get one free.

Dare to be stupid.

Yes. Why don't you dare to be stupid.

It's so easy, so easy to do.

We're all waiting for you.

Burn your candle at both ends.

Look a gift horse in the mouth.

Mashed potatoes can be your friends.

You can be a coffee achiever.

You can sit around the house

And watch "Leave It To Beaver."

The future's up to you.

So what you gonna do?

Dare to be stupid.

Dare to be stupid.

What did I say?

(Dare to be stupid.)

Tell me, what did I say?

(Dare to be stupid.)

It's all right.

(Dare to be stupid.)

We can be stupid all night.

(Dare to be stupid.)

Come on, join the crowd.

(Dare to be stupid.)

Shout it out loud.

(Dare to be stupid.)

I can't hear you.

(Dare to be stupid.)

Okay, I can hear you now.

Amish Paradise

Weird Al Yankovic

- Bad Hair Day (1996)

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain

I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain

But that's just perfect for an Amish like me

You know I shun fancy things like electricity

At 4:30 in the mornin' I'm milkin' cows

Jebadiah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows, fool

And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long

That even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone

I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline

Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin

But if I finish all of my chores, and you finish thine

Then tonight were gonna party like it's 1699

We been spendin' most our lives

Livin' in an Amish paradise

I churned butter once or twice

Livin' in an Amish paradise

It's hard work and sacrifice

Livin' in an Amish paradise

We sell quilts at discount price

Living' in an Amish paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week

I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek

I really don't care, in fact I wish him well

Cause I'll be laughin' my head off when he's burnin' in Hell

But I never punched a tourist even if he deserved it

An Amish with a 'tude? You know thats unheard of

I never wear buttons, but I got a cool hat

And my homies agree I really look good in black, fool

If you come to visit you'll be bored to tears

We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years

But we ain't really quaint so please don't point and stare

We're just technologically impaired

Theres no phones, no lights, no motor cars

Not a single luxury

Like Robinson Coruso, it's as primitive as can be

We been spendin' most our lives

Livin' in an Amish paradise

Were just plain and simple guys

Livin' in an Amish paradise

There's no time for sin and vice

Livin' in an Amish paradise

We don't fight we all play nice

Livin' in an Amish paradise

Hichin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter

Raise a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise an udder

Think your really righteous, think your pure at heart?

Well I know, I'm a million times as humble as thou art

I'm the pious guy, the little omlettes wanna be like

On my knees day and night, scorin' points for the after life

So don't be vain, and don't be whiney

Or else my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie

We been spendin' most our lives

Livin' in an Amish paradise

We're all crazy Menonites

Livin' in an Amish paradise

There's no cops or traffic lights

Livin' in an Amish paradise

But you'd probably think it bites

Livin' in an Amish paradise

The Saga Begins

Weird Al Yankovic

- Running With Scissors (1999)

A long, long time ago

In a galaxy far away

Naboo was under an attack

And I thought me and Qui-Gon Jinn

Could talk the Federation in-

To maybe cutting them a little slack

But their response, it didn't thrill us

They locked the doors and tried to k*ll us

We escaped from that gas

Then met Jar Jar and Boss Nass

We took a bongo from the scene

And we went to Theed to see the queen

We all wound up on Tatooine

That's where we found this boy...

Oh my my, this here Anakin guy

Maybe Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry

And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye

Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

Did you know this junkyard slave

Isn't even old enough to shave

But he can use the Force, they say

Ahh, do you see him hitting on the queen

Though he's just nine and she's fourteen

Yeah, he's probably gonna marry her someday

Well, I know he built C-3PO

And I've heard how fast his pod can go

And we were broke, it's true

So we made a wager or two

He was a prepubescent flyin' ace

And the minute Jabba started off that race

Well, I knew who'd win first place

Oh yes, it was our boy

We started singin'...

My my, this here Anakin guy

Maybe Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry

And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye

Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

Now we finally got to Coruscant

The Jedi Council we knew would want

To see how good the boy could be

So we took him there and we told the tale

How his midi-chlorians were off the scale

And he might fulfill that prophecy

Oh, the Council was impressed, of course

Could he bring balance to the Force?

They interviewed the kid

Oh, training they forbid

Because Yoda sensed in him much fear

And Qui-Gon said, "Now listen here

Just stick it in your pointy ear

I still will teach this boy"

He was singin'...

My my, this here Anakin guy

Maybe Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry

And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye

Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

We caught a ride back to Naboo

'Cause Queen Amidala wanted to

I frankly would've liked to stay

We all fought in that epic war

And it wasn't long at all before

Little Hotshot flew his plane and saved the day

And in the end some Gungans died

Some ships blew up and some pilots fried

A lot of folks were croakin'

The battle droids were broken

And the Jedi I admire most

Met up with Darth Maul and now he's toast

While I'm still here and he's a ghost

I guess I'll train this boy

And I was singin'...

My my, this here Anakin guy

Maybe Vader some day later - now he's just a small fry

And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye

Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

We were singin'...

My my, this here Anakin guy

Maybe Vader some day later, now he's just a small fry

And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye

Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

Constipated

Weird Al Yankovic

Uh huh, extra cheese.

Uh huh, uh huh, save a piece for me.

Pizza party at your house,

I went just to check it out.

19 extra larges,

What a shame, no one came.

Just us, eatin' all alone,

You said take the pizza home.

No sense lettin' all this go to waste,

So then I faced

Pizza all day, and everyday, there's cheese round the clock,

It's gettin' me blocked, And I sure don't care, for

irregularity.

Tell me,

Why'd you have to go and make me so constipated?

Cos' right now I'd do anything to just get my bowels evacuated,

In the bathroom.

I sit and I wait and I strain and I sweat and I clench and I

feel the pain

Oh, should've taken laxatives or had my colon irrigated.

No, no, no.

I was feelin' pretty down,

'Til my girlfriend came around.

We're just so alike in every way, I gotta say.

In fact, I just thought I might,

pop the question there that night.

I was kissing her so tenderly,

But woe is me.

Who would have guessed, her family crest.

I suddenly spy, tattoo'd on her thigh.

And son of a gun, it's just like the one on me.

Tell me.

How was I supposed to know we were both related?

Believe me, if I knew she was my cousin we never would have

dated.

What to do now?

Should I go ahead and propose and get hitched and have kids with

11 toes,

And move to Alabama where that kind of thing is tolerated.

No, no, no.

(no no no)

Ooh, I had so much on my mind,

I thought maybe I'd unwind.

Try out that new roller coaster ride,

And the guide...

Said not to stand, but that's a demand,

That I couldn't meet, I got on my feet,

And stood up instead and knocked off my head you see.

Tell me.

Why'd I have to go and get myself decapitated?

This really is a major inconvenience, oh man I really hate it.

It's such a drag now.

I can't eat, I can't breathe, I can't snore, I can't belch or

yodel anymore,

Can't spit or blow my nose or even read Sports Illustrated.

Oh no!

Why'd I have to go and get myself all mutilated?

I gotta tell ya, life without a head kinda makes me irritated.

What a bummer.

I can't blink, I can't cough, I can't sneeze.

But my neck is enjoying a pleasant breeze now.

Haven't been the same since my head and I were separated.

No, no, no.

Don't Download This Song

Weird Al Yancovic

Once in a while

Maybe you will feel the urge.

To break into national copyright law

By downloading mp3s

From file sharing sites

Like morphous or grogster or limewire or kazza.

But deep in your Heart.

You know the guilt would drive you mad

And the shame would leave a permanent scar

Cause you start out stealing songs

Then you’re robbing liquor stores

And selling Crack

And running over school kids with your car

[Chorus]

So Don’t Download This Song

The record store is where you belong

Go and buy the CD like you know that you should

Oh Don’t Download This Song

Oh you don’t want to mess

With the R I Double A

They’ll sue you if you burn that Cdr.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a grandma

Or a seven year old girl

They’ll treat you like the evil Hard-bitten criminal scum you are

[Chorus]

So Don’t Download This Song (don’t go)

Pirating music all day long

Go and buy the CD like you know that you should

Oh Don’t Download This Song

Don’t take away money

From artists just like me

How else can I afford another solid gold Hum V

And diamond studded swimming pools

These things don’t grow on trees

So all I ask is everybody Pleaseeeeee

[Chorus]

Don’t Download This Song (Don’t do it No No)

Even Lars Urlich Know it’s wrong (You could just ask him)

Go and buy the CD like you know that you should (You Really Should)

Oh Don’t Download This Song

Don’t Download This Song (Oh please don’t you do it or you)

Might Wind up in Jail like Tommy Chong (Remember Tommy)

Go and buy the CD (Right Now) like you know that you should (Go out and Buy it)

Oh Don’t Download This Song.

Don’t Download This Song (No no no no no no)

Or you’ll burn in hell before to long (And you deserve it)

Go and buy the CD (Just buy it) like you know that you should (You should get it)

Confessions Part III

Weird Al Yankovic

- Straight Outta Lynwood (2006)

Watch this

These are my confessions

Just when I thought I said all I could say I came up up with more secrets to tell you today

These are my confessions

Slip my mind the last two times

Silly me, so now I gotta give you part three of my confessions

First I told you about the skank that I was cheating with,then I mentioned she's having my kid

That's not all, now I recall more you see, so I'll give you part three of my confessions

Now this is gonna be the hardest thing I ever had to do,

Gonna tell you everything I left out of parts one and two

Like remember when I told you I knew Paulie Shore (Paulie Shore)

That's a lie, I don't know what I said that for

I borrowed your chapstick (from you)

I tried out your nose hair trimmer (too)

And by the way your diamond ring is cubic circonium,

I killed your goldfish accidently, just replaced it with another one

These are my confessions

Just when I thought I said all I could say I needed to get some things off my chest right away

These are my confessions

Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me, I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions

I threw up on your dog last time I had too much to drink

There have been times when I've peed in your sink

Don't know why, but you and I should agree that belongs in part three of my confessions

Baby forgive me I'm still trying to figure out why I used your toothbrush to clean off the bathroom grought

Oh and sometimes in private, I really like to dress up as Shirley Temple and spank myself with a hockey stick (hockey stick)

My boss thinks I'm a jerk, I didn't get that raise.

I haven't changed my underwear in twenty-seven days!

And when I'm kissing you I fantasize you as a midget

I'm so sorry Debbi! I mean Bridget!

These are my confessions

Just when I thought I said all I could say I got a few more secrets I'd like to convey

These are my confessions

Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me, I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions

Gave you buttered toast I dropped and then picked up off the floor

FYI it was not a cold sore

Ooops my bad, but you'll be madder at me when I finish part three of my confessions

You don't know how hard it is for me to tell you this, but remember that shirt that you got me for my birthday?

Well, I returned it for store credit. That thing was hideous, what were you thinking?

O and by the way, I wasn't really sick last week,

I just didn't wanna go to your stupid office picnic

Oh and when I told you at breakfast we were all out of rice krispies,

What I meant was that there was only enough left for me. Sorry.

These are my confessions

Just when I thought I said all I could say, I thought of some more things that should scare you away

These are my confessions

Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me, I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions

Once I blew my nose and wiped it on your cat

And I lied, yes that dress makes you look fat

Anyway, I shouldn't say anymore 'til I give you part four of my confessions

"Close But No Cigar"

Weird Al Yankovic

-Straight Outta Lynwood (2006)

Jillian was her name

She was sweeter than aspartame

Her kisses reconfigured my DNA

And after that I never was the same

And I loved her even more

Than Marlon Brando loved souffle

She was gorgeous, she was charming

Yeah, she was perfect in every way

Except she was always using the word "infer"

When she obviously meant "imply"

And I know some guys would put up with that kind of thing

But frankly, I can't imagine why

And I told her, I said

"Hey! Are we playing horseshoes, honey?

No, I don't think we are!

You're close! (Close!)

But no cigar!"

Then I met sweet young Janet

Prettiest thing on the planet

Had a body hotter than a habanjero

She had lips like a ripe pomegranate

And I was crazy like Manson about her

She got me all choked up like Momma Cass

She had a smile so incredibly radiant

You had to watch it through a piece of smoked glass

I thought after all these years of searching around

I'd found my soulmate finally

But one day I found OUT she actually owned a copy

Of Joe Dirt on DVD

Oh, no! I said

"Hey! Are we lobbing hand grenades, kiddo?

No I don't think we are!

You're close! (Close!)

Oh, so very close! (Close!)

Yeah, baby, you're close! (Close!)

So close!

But no cigar!"

(Oh, yeah!)

(Oh, no!)

(Oh, yeah!)

(Oh, no!)

(Oh, yeah!)

(Oh, no!)

(ALL RIGHT!)

[Hand claps, trumpet solo]

Julie played water polo

She wore a ribbon on her left manolo

She had me sweating like Nixon every time she was near

My heart was beating like a Buddy Rif solo

And she was everything I've dreamed of

She moved right up to #1 on my list

And did I mention she's a world famous billionare

Bikini supermodel astrophysicist

Yeah, she was so pretty she made Charlize Theron

Look like a big fat slobbering pig

The only caveat is one of her earlobes

Was just a little tiny bit too big

I said

"Hey! Are we doing government work here?

No I don't think we are!

You're close! (Close!)

So very, very close! (Close!)

Aaw, baby, you're close! (Close!)

So close!

But no cigar!"

Missed it by that much! (No cigar!)

Ah, yeah! Ah, right! (No cigar!)

Really, really, really close! (No cigar!)

But no cigar!