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#1 dfgvan

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Posted 14 April 2011 - 11:53 PM

guys...

just a quick question...

i'm still confused right now, discovering that i have a brother from another mother...

i still don't know how to react...
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#2 Bryan9696

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Posted 15 April 2011 - 01:26 AM

1. Why do you need to react now?
2. WhaT's the benefit of reacting? Will it solve anything?

The situation may confuse and may hurt but what's the point? Did you lose anything with your new information?

#3 ianlone81

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Posted 15 April 2011 - 09:00 AM

if i were you i will accept that. you can't do anything bout that anymore instead you must be happy to have him although from other mother, still he's your brother. Yes it hurts but i'm sure He doesn't want to be born from "other" woman but he had no choice? accept and love him as your brother.

#4 wizard23

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Posted 15 April 2011 - 12:15 PM

i think your hurt or confusion is coming from the fact that your father was unfaithful. you never had any idea that your father maintains or has 2 families. now that you know that you have a half-brother, just accept your half-brother, if ever you will get to meet him at one point in your life.
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#5 Rearden

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Posted 15 April 2011 - 05:15 PM

guys...

just a quick question...

i'm still confused right now, discovering that i have a brother from another mother...

i still don't know how to react...


why? can you give more details?

1. there's nothing wrong in having a half-sibling
2. from the biological perspective, he is one more person who will potentially propagate your father's genes, which you have in common, and you have a vested interest in his success.
3. if your issue is your father having a another wife, that is none of your business, unless in doing so, your father fails to provide for you and your mother and her other children's needs
4. the monogamic family model, is the least common family model in the whole world, in the whole of human history.
5. the most powerful men in the world, tend to have multiple wives to bear him several children, ensuring the success of his genes.
6. in a couple of generations, your father will be forgotten, whatever he contributed to society will be forgotten, the only thing that will matter in the future are his surviving descendants, and you having a half-brother means the chances of your father's success has just increased, that's a good thing!

#6 dfgvan

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Posted 15 April 2011 - 05:51 PM

why? can you give more details?

1. there's nothing wrong in having a half-sibling
2. from the biological perspective, he is one more person who will potentially propagate your father's genes, which you have in common, and you have a vested interest in his success.
3. if your issue is your father having a another wife, that is none of your business, unless in doing so, your father fails to provide for you and your mother and her other children's needs
4. the monogamic family model, is the least common family model in the whole world, in the whole of human history.
5. the most powerful men in the world, tend to have multiple wives to bear him several children, ensuring the success of his genes.
6. in a couple of generations, your father will be forgotten, whatever he contributed to society will be forgotten, the only thing that will matter in the future are his surviving descendants, and you having a half-brother means the chances of your father's success has just increased, that's a good thing!


sir do you have a half-sibling? if so, please enlighten me on how you felt when you found out... thanks

#7 nolz

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Posted 15 April 2011 - 07:41 PM

guys...

just a quick question...

i'm still confused right now, discovering that i have a brother from another mother...

i still don't know how to react...



yan ang tinatawag nating: P A T A Y



#8 erato

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Posted 16 April 2011 - 01:27 PM

@dfgvan:

I completely understand your confusion. If I were in your shoes I'd feel a certain sense of betrayal, especially if the half-sibling is younger than I am. [If the half-sibling is older, it's a bit less painful.] I think you have the right to feel these things and it may take some time to process, especially if you've always looked up to your father and somehow idealized him. But in all this, try to not feel any hatred towards your sibling. No one wants to be born a bastard child, that's for sure.

Mine is a completely different situation from yours--I have half siblings from both mother and father sides and (I believe) I am the youngest of all these children. I grew up knowing I had these half-siblings, and even grew up living with two of them so it wasn't difficult to accept. Difficult to understand for a kid, but not difficult to accept. The half-brothers I grew up with treated me like a baby. The other brothers and sisters who I have seen very few times also treat me like a sister and are very kind to me..

I have a friend who also found out in her teens that her father had a daughter from another woman. She said things were different for a while in their house. Slowly, though, things went back to normal again. I guess everyone just had to be reassured that nothing is going to happen to the family,and that they are going to stay intact.

#9 erato

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Posted 16 April 2011 - 01:42 PM

Sorry, I jut couldn't resist replying to this post.

why? can you give more details?

1. there's nothing wrong in having a half-sibling


Nothing? Having a half-sibling younger than I am would mean that my father was unfaithful to my mother and loved the other woman so much to have a child with her. Something is wrong with that. Having a half-sibling older than I am is less painful because at least that means my father chose my mother over the mother of the first child. But if the truth about the first child was kept a secret, something is also definitely wrong with that.

2. from the biological perspective, he is one more person who will potentially propagate your father's genes, which you have in common, and you have a vested interest in his success.
3. if your issue is your father having a another wife, that is none of your business, unless in doing so, your father fails to provide for you and your mother and her other children's needs
4. the monogamic family model, is the least common family model in the whole world, in the whole of human history.
5. the most powerful men in the world, tend to have multiple wives to bear him several children, ensuring the success of his genes.
6. in a couple of generations, your father will be forgotten, whatever he contributed to society will be forgotten, the only thing that will matter in the future are his surviving descendants, and you having a half-brother means the chances of your father's success has just increased, that's a good thing!


Seriously, are you a robot or something? I am less likely to care about my father's "success" in the propagation of his species. People would normally not feel so happy to know Daddy has another child. And if Daddy is very rich, I will not be so happy to know someone is going to get a cut from my inheritance. And there's always the issue of jealousy, among countless other things.

I say, let's all be human for a while and try to put ourselves in the shoes of the thread starter. Family matters are matters of the heart more than of the mind.

#10 dfgvan

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Posted 16 April 2011 - 02:52 PM

guys my half brother is just 2 years old

i like kids a lot
and i couldn't care any less if my dad is screwing around...

the thing here is that for a person like me that loves to be around kids and play with them
i have no emotions whatsoever for the half-brother of mine

i am choosing to run away from the situation
i am choosing not to recognize him as my brother

#11 Rearden

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Posted 18 April 2011 - 03:39 PM

sir do you have a half-sibling? if so, please enlighten me on how you felt when you found out... thanks


No, but both my parents are from second family! I have two uncles that had second families as well! All get along well, except for one of the wife of one my uncles!

The only problem I see, are the insecurities of the children (my cousins), and I always tell them, don't let society's close mindedness bring them down! Throughout human history, the most common paradigm of the family has always been 1 men with multiple wives!

The 1 man, 1 wife paradigm becoming the norm in society is a fairly recent evolution of the family unit. Generally, after world war I, this post-war propaganda was started to repopulate the deciminated populace.

Consider that 50% of all marriages fail, then you have polyandry, polygyny, polyamorous, serial monogamy...all of this should tell you that having a half-brother is the norm in society, and that a strictly monogamous relationships are in the minority!

So whatever dilemma or issues you have with having a half-brother (embarrassment?), is only because of the social conditioning that the Filipino society has fostered, which is prejudicial, wherein anything that is different with the prescribed norm is wrong!

#12 Rearden

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Posted 18 April 2011 - 04:49 PM

Sorry, I jut couldn't resist replying to this post.

Nothing? Having a half-sibling younger than I am would mean that my father was unfaithful to my mother and loved the other woman so much to have a child with her. Something is wrong with that. Having a half-sibling older than I am is less painful because at least that means my father chose my mother over the mother of the first child.


Yes nothing!

So what? Maybe you're father doesn't "love" your mother anymore! Maybe you're mother doesn't "love" your father anymore either! There are a hundred possibilities! And you being their child, have absolutely no say in the matter at all! What you want them to be in a loveless marriage, for your sake? Then you're delusional! The only responsibility of a parent is too ensure the successful rearing of the child, whether they stay together, divorce, re-marry, have other children, is completely their prerogative! Maybe you should read up on the studies by biologists, sociologists and anthropologists before you start criticizing the life of others!

But if the truth about the first child was kept a secret, something is also definitely wrong with that.


And what if it was kept a secret? Especially, from shallow-minded people that look-down on bastard children. The parent is protecting his/her child from hateful people!
(NOTE: Bastard is a term to refer to an offspring from unmarried parents, the negative connotation of the word is brought about by the hateful bigotry of ignorant people)


Seriously, are you a robot or something? I am less likely to care about my father's "success" in the propagation of his species. People would normally not feel so happy to know Daddy has another child.


Seriously, have you even attempted to study this issue before you started writing your holier-than-thou comments? I was trying to help the thread starter deal with this issue by giving him a multi-disciplinary perspective!

People would normally not feel so happy to know Daddy has another child.


How would you know? How many studies have you done! How many people from polygamous family have you interviewed? How many people from polyamorous families have you interviewed? How many half-siblings have you interviewed? Have you seen the kind of relationships that half-siblings that grew up together have?

What's your basis for what people would "normally" feel? Maybe it's normal for you, but don't presume how others would feel!

And if you're asking what my basis is, just refer to my latest reply to the thread starter!


And if Daddy is very rich, I will not be so happy to know someone is going to get a cut from my inheritance.


That is greedy! Do you give money to charity? How could you give money to people unrelated to you, and yet you would deprive someone who is your flesh and blood of inheritance that is rightfully theirs? That is just selfish!
And by the way, any money your parents have, is their money not yours! Don't presume that you deserve it!
I hope you are an only child, any siblings you have should be careful with dealing with you and YOUR inheritance!
Reminds me of all those pathetic characters on tv/movies of bad Filipino dramas fighting over their inheritance!



And there's always the issue of jealousy, among countless other things.


And what? Full-siblings never get jealous of each other? Are you an only child? You must be, your reasoning is completely unrealistic!


I say, let's all be human for a while and try to put ourselves in the shoes of the thread starter. Family matters are matters of the heart more than of the mind.


Yes, let's be human, intelligent, thinking humans! Instead of the unthinking, ignorant, and emotional kind, which makes us no better than animals! The heart is just a muscle that pumps blood, any person that uses his heart to assess a situation instead of taking time to think and study all the different perspectives, will never find any peace of mind!

Heck, the reason people ask for advice in situations like this, is that they are overwhelmed by their emotions, and they are looking for objective, non-emotional drivel!

#13 Rearden

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Posted 18 April 2011 - 05:11 PM

guys my half brother is just 2 years old

i like kids a lot
and i couldn't care any less if my dad is screwing around...

the thing here is that for a person like me that loves to be around kids and play with them
i have no emotions whatsoever for the half-brother of mine

i am choosing to run away from the situation
i am choosing not to recognize him as my brother


How much time have you spent with your brother?

When you say you like kids a lot, in what sense? Kids of your friends? Nieces & nephews? Or complete strangers? (Context please)

If it's kids of friends, nieces and nephews, isn't it possible that your affections towards them are extensions of your affections to their parents?

If you expected to develop instant brotherly affection towards your half-brother, then you have been duped by hollywood! Nobody reacts like that to a strange kid!

Do you think loyalty to your mother can be a factor?

If you choose to run away, if you choose not to recognize the kid, you've already closed your mind, that's you prerogative!

But if you are looking to have a relationship with the child, then just like any relationship, you have to make an effort to build one!

#14 maniaclara

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Posted 18 April 2011 - 05:27 PM

been there, done that...
i think at some point you'll just learn to accept things... even begrudgingly or whatnot...

anyway, i wish you peace of mind and a forgiving heart with your discovery...

#15 dfgvan

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Posted 18 April 2011 - 05:57 PM

How much time have you spent with your brother? NIL

When you say you like kids a lot, in what sense? Kids of your friends? Nieces & nephews? Or complete strangers? (Context please) ANY KIDS

If it's kids of friends, nieces and nephews, isn't it possible that your affections towards them are extensions of your affections to their parents? Refer to answer above

If you expected to develop instant brotherly affection towards your half-brother, then you have been duped by hollywood! Nobody reacts like that to a strange kid! Think of the opposite... This is wha ti expect

Do you think loyalty to your mother can be a factor? Nope

If you choose to run away, if you choose not to recognize the kid, you've already closed your mind, that's you prerogative!

But if you are looking to have a relationship with the child, then just like any relationship, you have to make an effort to build one! N/A







#16 hottie22

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Posted 28 March 2012 - 03:34 PM

i get jealous everytym i saw my mother hugs my half little bro...

#17 SaintPeter5858

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Posted 29 March 2012 - 09:24 AM

Majority are having difficulty with identity

#18 U.P. AdMU2008

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Posted 08 April 2012 - 01:48 PM

Illegal.

#19 BrightestStar

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 02:23 PM

Sibling rivalry is very common.

#20 darkromance

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Posted 14 April 2012 - 04:06 AM

the key is acceptance... the sooner you accept and make peace with the reality that you have a brother the happier you life will be and your relationship with your father will be stronger... these things are beyond our control...




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