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Welcome To Haliparutan Alley! Tsantsararan!

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#21 xRain

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Posted 23 May 2015 - 07:51 AM

 

==== Kwentong Taxi Driver====

 

Sabi nila ang pinaka mainam na tourguide ay mga taxi driver. Sa kanila malalaman mo ang mga bagay na hindi mo makikita sa mga travel guide books or history ng mga lugar. Pwede din silang boses ng masa ng isang bansa kung isa kang turista. Mga tsismis sa kanto, kuro kuro, mga bagay at mga bagay na di mo malalaman kung saan saan lang.  Sa katunayan, sa taxi drivers ko lang nalaman ang karamihang karunungan ko sa Singapore.
 
Eksena number 1:
Galing sa party, pauwi ng bahay , madaling araw. Nakakuha ako ng unexpected field report about sa mga babae sa Geylang.
 
Ako: Uncle, lorong 28 Geylang.
Driver: Ahh… which way, geylang ah? You Filipino ah?
Ako: we go via Guillemard. Yeah, how can you tell.
Driver: You, babaero aah. Hahahahaha
Ako: Where did you learn that word?
Driver: My Filipina gerpren told me.
 
Nag umpisa na mag kwento si uncle. Dahil papunta ako sa Geylang, nag assume na agad sya na may gagawin akong kababalaghan.
Driver: Dun waste your money with tseena gels ah. Outside they vely sweet. Once you pay money inside they just shake your didi until you cum then finish leh. Waste of 100 dallah.
            Better take those indo(nesian) gels at lorong 10, you pay 30 or 40 dallah good sevis oready. Best sevise are Thailand ger. Veli veli good sevise.
 
====
Eksena number 2:
Kung gano kalaki ang Singapore
 
Driver: I drive 20 years. First time flood like this. Siao ah (crazy) bettah commute but MRT faulty too. Dun know what’s happening leh.
            They dig dig for mrt. Yellow line, brown line, why need so many lines lah, Singapore so small what? I drive from Changi to Tuas in 1hour! Aiyoo!
=====
 
Eksena number 3:
Pasikat na driver
 
Driver: You Filipino ah?
Ako: Yup, how did you know?
Driver: How you speak. I kenna learn Filipino too. Salamat po!
Ako: Cool, where did you learn?
Driver: I have lots of Filipino passengers, night shift call centers and club gels.
Ako: Ah…
Driver: Kaliwa, kanan? Hahahahaha. (kahit na nasa flyover kami at wala naman lilikuan)
 
======
Eksena number 5
 
Kabastusan.
 
Driver: Filipino language almost same same with malay language
Ako: I know, Pintu, Batu, Gunting…
Driver: Yah lah, I understood what you talking back there.
Ako: Bro, what’s the Malay word for FART
Driver: Fat?
Ako: Fart
Driver: What? Fat ah?
Ako: No, no, fart. You know puuuttt and then bad smell? (habang diniscribe nakaturo ako sa pwet ko)
Driver:  Ahhh… Buntut!
Ako: No, I know buntut. Buntut is tail right? Like monkey, tail? Buntut. I mean fart. The smell.
Driver: Ahhhh I know I know. Kan*ut!
Ako: (Shocked) Really?! Kan*ut! Hahahaha. What does, Kan*ut means? (just to make sure)
Driver: Bad smell, you asked. Why you Kan*ut ah? Don’t Kan*ut inside my cab. Hahahaha
 
Tinanong ko sya sa malay messenger namin. True enough Kan*ut nga ang malay word ng utot.

 

hahaha! habang binabasa ko to. binabasa ko with their accent lah.. Lol



#22 Mr.Monday

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Posted 23 May 2015 - 09:00 AM

Natatawa ako sa Taxi driver stories niyo sir. I'm assuming you're based in SG. Have you been working there long? I love that city. :)

 

Worked there for 6 years but I'm based here in Manila since OCT last year :)

I miss that city too .



#23 femcasanova

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Posted 23 May 2015 - 10:45 AM

Morning

La ba bago wento jan mr. Alex corvis?

#24 Mr.Monday

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Posted 23 May 2015 - 09:20 PM

Morning

La ba bago wento jan mr. Alex corvis?

 

Wala eh. Pero kanina sa MRT, may katapat ako na couple na naglalandian. Cute si girl, mukhang Ok naman si guy. Obvious na mag syota sila kasi holding hands, kurutan ng cheeks, amuyan ng hair.

 

Maya maya, yung katabi ko tumayo. Umupo si girl.

Maya maya may nag text ata, kasi binuksan nya bag nya, tapos sinilip iphone nya... pero patago.

Meron nga nag text.. "Babe Ingat ka lagi. Text mo ko pa...." Yun lang lumabas sa notification sa homes screen.

Tinanong sya ni guy na nakatayo kung may nag text ba?

 

Sagot n girl.. "Wala, check ko lang kung ano oras na"

 

Alam na this.

Kaya mahirap may higanteng iPhone 6 eh. Dali mabasa ng messages.



#25 mister DS

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Posted 23 May 2015 - 11:00 PM

 

Wala eh. Pero kanina sa MRT, may katapat ako na couple na naglalandian. Cute si girl, mukhang Ok naman si guy. Obvious na mag syota sila kasi holding hands, kurutan ng cheeks, amuyan ng hair.

 

Maya maya, yung katabi ko tumayo. Umupo si girl.

Maya maya may nag text ata, kasi binuksan nya bag nya, tapos sinilip iphone nya... pero patago.

Meron nga nag text.. "Babe Ingat ka lagi. Text mo ko pa...." Yun lang lumabas sa notification sa homes screen.

Tinanong sya ni guy na nakatayo kung may nag text ba?

 

Sagot n girl.. "Wala, check ko lang kung ano oras na"

 

Alam na this.

Kaya mahirap may higanteng iPhone 6 eh. Dali mabasa ng messages.

 

sana binuko mo yung girl sinabi mo sa guy na may nag text na lalake at "babe" pa ang tawagan nila!  :D



#26 femcasanova

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Posted 24 May 2015 - 03:11 PM

D alam kng cno ang kabit ang cno ang legal hehe... o bka parehas pang kabit un hahahaha...

#27 femcasanova

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Posted 24 May 2015 - 03:17 PM

Ako din pakwento... kagabi while nsa central, umiikot mata ko looking for cute girls, hrap, puro makeup kasi nkikita ko.. ung ibng babae nka braces pa... ang braces kasi dpt 14 years old tapos kna s stage ng braces..

May dumating n girl, spaghetti top, may big tats s likod, shorts and nka cap.. so nkatingin ako s knya.. mejo papansin kasi.. parang artistang dami kakilala. Anyways pag tanggalnya ng cap ..sbi ko s isip ko "teh pakibalik ung cap parang awa mo na!"


Isa pang eksena.. since nsa labas kmi nkaupo.. may lumabas.. foreigner... may kasunod na mukang chick.. pero ladyboy... kawawang bata, di nahalata... kala nka jackpot na.. hehe

..

May isa akong type n girl, ganda without makeup, ganda legs, malaman... kaso meh bf.

Ung nag iisang guy n pumasa s taste ko, aun lasing, natumba ung giant cocktail nila at samin bumuhos, may tumalsik pang yelo at nag shoot s boobs ko..

Kmusta naman un!!!

#28 Mr.Monday

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Posted 25 May 2015 - 08:45 AM

ARGGGGHHHH!!! MONDAY!!!!

 

Monday. I don't like Monday. I never liked Monday. I can't recall a time when I longed for Monday. I can only recall whining a lot about Monday. Especially Monday mornings.

I used to skip the first half of Mondays and went work only on the second half and its funny because nobody, even my supervisor realized that I'm always missing every first half of Monday. People tend to leave their heads at the comfort of their beds in between sheets and pillows when they go to work on Monday. It's either they don't have a clue or they don't give a s@%t if you're not in your place on Monday.

Good thing there are more excuses from work that you can think of on Monday than any other day of the week. Hangover from Thursday night is soooo unbelievable on Friday morning, and besides, no real work is being done during Monday, the real meat of production are during Wednesday and Thursday, other days that are not mention are just warm-up days.

I say we skip those days and pour all our skills and energy every Wednesday and Thursday, and Earth will be habitable longer if we don't move around during Monday.

Less travel to office means less fuel-burning means less greenhouse effect, and if all of us eat a lot of beef and stay in our houses every Monday, we can combat global warming in just two punches.

- Cows burps methane, eating them will k*ll the source of this bad gas.

- Cars, factories and air conditioners emits gases that are hard to pronounce and spell, those kind of gases are usually bad for the atmosphere and our vocabulary. By staying extra day indoor we will lessen the output of these bad gases.

- Crime rate is high during Monday because of traffic, that too will be solved, a bonus.

- Remember, winning the fight against global warming will lead to a better future for our children.
Hence, skipping Monday can save the future of the next generation.

-Don't you tell me you don't care about the next generation. They are the one who will invent the time machine and the teleports and the next generation ipod.

And don't tell me to start the work the next day, I hate Tuesday even more.



#29 Mr.Monday

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Posted 25 May 2015 - 06:28 PM

^Dont say that.. you're better off cause you have work. Baka madinig ka ng universe bawiin sa yo yan work mo sige ka. Kung di okey ang work mo bakit di ka humanap ng iba?

 

Ok naman work ko. Mas gusto ko nga to sa previous jobs ko :)

Ayaw ko lang ng Monday and the things you have to do to finish monday :P



#30 Mr.Monday

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Posted 25 May 2015 - 06:39 PM

Eh kasi kung masaya ka talaga sa work mo, dapat excited ka lagi pumasok que anong araw pa yun di ba? :)

 

Point taken. Pero same thing since nag-aaral pa ako :P



#31 Mr.Monday

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Posted 25 May 2015 - 07:07 PM

I remember when I used to have a crush in school, I hate weekends naman kasi di ko sha makikita nun. Hehe

Are you in Sales? Just wondering.. kasi nga ang landi mo. Haha! Pati ba naman ako eh pinagtripan mo na din? Lol!

 

Hahaha. No, I'm not in sales, likas lang ako malandi. I'm a Business Consultant/Analyst, not sure kung madevelop kalandian dun. (probably not)

 

Eh kasi naman, crush ko si Marian Rivera and ka chin mo pa sya. (kung ikaw nga yung nasa pic na nakita ko)



#32 Mr.Monday

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Posted 25 May 2015 - 08:07 PM

di ko alam pano na "found" yan. Pano ba baguhin yan? 0_0



#33 Mr.Monday

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Posted 26 May 2015 - 06:58 AM

Ang weird ng panaginip ko... Naamlimpungatan daw ako sa dami ng notification email ko.. Ginawa daw ako Mod sa MTC. hahaha



#34 femcasanova

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Posted 27 May 2015 - 12:23 AM

Yeah.. ang landi mo talaga... -_-

#35 femcasanova

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Posted 27 May 2015 - 10:25 AM

Tahimik si Alex ngaun ah.... :)
Pag may sakit hindi makalandi ^_^

Get well soon.

#36 Mr.Monday

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Posted 28 May 2015 - 02:03 PM

Yeah.. ang landi mo talaga... -_-

 

Libra ako eh. It comes natural. hahaha

 

Tahimik si Alex ngaun ah.... :)
Pag may sakit hindi makalandi ^_^

Get well soon.

 

Opo maam. Leche pala ang tonsilitis no? isang linggong Bactidol.. parang nagmumog lang ako ng Robitussin.

 

Bakit di nila gawing lasang mouthwash yung bactidol?



#37 Mr.Monday

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Posted 28 May 2015 - 02:07 PM

Haha nabago mo na eh. I remember my ex, he was sooo landi.. sa sales kasi sha. Lahat ng girls na nagcocomment sa fb nya, iniistima nya..so para di na ko mabaliw kaka-stalk sa kanya, I unfriended him na lang sa fb. Haha! Told him I dont wanna change him kse kung dun naman sha masaya eh support ko na lang kako sha. Ayun nakunsensya yata, nagtino naman na. Hehe. Kaso di rin nag work kse LDR.

 

ahhh.. wala namang ma-comment na girls sa FB ko. tago ang landi ko, hahaha. dito lang sa MTC..

tsaka sa Craigslist... hahahahha



#38 femcasanova

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Posted 28 May 2015 - 02:28 PM

-_- seriously???


Orafar L na ipangmumog mo...

#39 femcasanova

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Posted 28 May 2015 - 08:45 PM

Curious lang, bakit online ka nakiki-hookup? Does it mean torpe ka in real life?



Married man teh, kaya d sya masyado maka "da moves" in real life ;)

#40 Mr.Monday

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Posted 28 May 2015 - 09:13 PM

Curious lang, bakit online ka nakiki-hookup? Does it mean torpe ka in real life?

 

dito sa Pinas, online. Nung nasa SG pa ako malanding friendly.

Iba din set of friends ko dun, dun ko lang din na meet, so they know nothing about me beforehand.






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