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Mistress Or Legal Wife Which Would You Choose


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I'll just repost what I wrote from the other thread.

 

What if you are already married, then found someone better in all aspects with the one you are married with and that some also reciprocates that love. Would you still follow your heart?

So just to clear this out: you're a man and you're married. You met someone that you think you're very compatible with. Now you want to leave your marriage to pursue something more with this somebody. Is that right?

 

To answer your question, if you think being with that someone will make you happy in the long run, then go for it. It's your life. You get to choose your own happiness.

 

But unfortunately, you don't get to choose your casualties.

 

Like my previous post, there are some things that you need to think over. These are the ones at the top of my head:

 

1.) You need to make sure that this will grant you long term happiness. Like decades from now. Do you still see yourself being with this person? Do you see yourself still being happy with her? More importantly, do you see her still being happy with you?

 

2.) You need to live with the fact that you chose to leave your wife behind, just because you found someone "better" in all aspects. I'm not sure how your relationship is with your wife, if you have children etc. But I can tell you that (usually) if a woman has given herself to you in marriage, and you decide to leave her just because you found someone more attuned to your disposition, it will affect her negatively. Her self-esteem will go down. It will take her a while to recover. You, on the other hand, have, in a way, already moved on. You have someone new to love and to cherish now.

 

3.) You need to be willing to sacrifice. At the expense of possibly hurting those around you. At the expense of your reputation. You need to make sure if this really is worth going through.

 

It seems to me that you asking for advice means that something is already making you hesitate. I don't know what that is but I doubt anything we tell you can significantly influence what your heart really wants. I'm not sure if you want to be encouraged our discouraged. But if you're hesitating, that already means something.

 

I would suggest for you to think things through. On your own, and really reflect on everything. Find out if you're willing to sacrifice for this, and make sure whoever it is you're devoted to is worthy.

 

Most importantly, make sure that whatever decision you make will make you happy. Make sure that attaining this happiness for you is so important that it worthy of every ounce of effort you're willing to put in.

 

Have a good night.

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There should have been no choice here... You should have separated from your wife if you were unhappy Na pala. I agree with the previous poster, you don't know the effect/devastation you are putting her/your family in. Your happiness at the expense of hurting those who care and love you... Kasi Ikaw yun naka hanap Na... Ikaw yung may choice... Ikaw yung naninigurado...

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Well

 

Lahat naman dito nasabi na. Eto na lang dadagdag ko.

 

Simple lang naman kasi problema eh. Kung di ka na masaya at tingin mo hindi ka na nagiging mabuting tao sa kinakasama mo, eh di hiwalayan mo ng maayos. Make clear terms. Leave the person with a bit of dignity. Then do what you want. Para sakin, affairs are for cowards. Ayaw mo na pala, eh di panindigan mo at hiwalayan mo.

 

Second, I do not believe that we should always pursue things that makes us happy. Happiness is not a gauge kung tama o mali ginagawa mo. At minsan kelangan isakripisyo natin mga bagay na nagpapasaya satin para sa huli yun tama ang mangingibabaw. Yan kasi ang hirap, basta masaya tayo, blurred na yun line ng right and wrong. Pilit natin lolokohin sarili natin na tuwid ang isang bagay na kitang kita namang baluktot.

 

Ang happiness, parang pera din yan eh. You can be blissfully happy and feel you got everything you want doing something dishonest. Or you can be a little happy and at the same time feel something is missing. Pero huwag ka, ang lahat ng utang ay may kabayaran. Life is not fair but it is just. The devil has a way of collecting. Umutang ka ng kaligayahan sa maling paraan, malaking interes sisingilin nyan sayo. Isipin mo, si Napoles siguro nung di pa sya nabubuko naguumapaw din kaligayahan nya. Pero ngayon na nakakulong sya at buong pamilya nya minumura ng tao, malamang nagiisip sya ngayon kung worth it ba ginawa nya.

 

Sana makinig yun mga dapat habang di pa huli lahat.

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To answer your question, if you think being with that someone will make you happy in the long run, then go for it. It's your life. You get to choose your own happiness.

But unfortunately, you don't get to choose your casualties.

 

 

very valid point by DiabolikRuki

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I'll just repost what I wrote from the other thread.

 

 

So just to clear this out: you're a man and you're married. You met someone that you think you're very compatible with. Now you want to leave your marriage to pursue something more with this somebody. Is that right?

 

To answer your question, if you think being with that someone will make you happy in the long run, then go for it. It's your life. You get to choose your own happiness.

 

But unfortunately, you don't get to choose your casualties.

 

Like my previous post, there are some things that you need to think over. These are the ones at the top of my head:

 

1.) You need to make sure that this will grant you long term happiness. Like decades from now. Do you still see yourself being with this person? Do you see yourself still being happy with her? More importantly, do you see her still being happy with you?

 

2.) You need to live with the fact that you chose to leave your wife behind, just because you found someone "better" in all aspects. I'm not sure how your relationship is with your wife, if you have children etc. But I can tell you that (usually) if a woman has given herself to you in marriage, and you decide to leave her just because you found someone more attuned to your disposition, it will affect her negatively. Her self-esteem will go down. It will take her a while to recover. You, on the other hand, have, in a way, already moved on. You have someone new to love and to cherish now.

 

3.) You need to be willing to sacrifice. At the expense of possibly hurting those around you. At the expense of your reputation. You need to make sure if this really is worth going through.

 

It seems to me that you asking for advice means that something is already making you hesitate. I don't know what that is but I doubt anything we tell you can significantly influence what your heart really wants. I'm not sure if you want to be encouraged our discouraged. But if you're hesitating, that already means something.

 

I would suggest for you to think things through. On your own, and really reflect on everything. Find out if you're willing to sacrifice for this, and make sure whoever it is you're devoted to is worthy.

 

Most importantly, make sure that whatever decision you make will make you happy. Make sure that attaining this happiness for you is so important that it worthy of every ounce of effort you're willing to put in.

 

Have a good night.

good points sir

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if it was me, i'd i say stick with the wife... there was a reason you married her, this feeling you're feeling for your mistress, was probably the same feeling you had when you asked your wife to marry you. you were smitten, deeply in love, and inseparable. and then years down the line, life happens and you experience the same magical thing again but with a different person.

 

it's not your fault, people change, feelings change, but if your mistress guarantees you a lifetime of happiness. go for it. but in life there are no guarantees. so choose wisely.

 

marriage is indeed hard work. but that's the beauty in it. when the hot sex is gone, the kids are living their lives with families of their own, you're stuck with your wife who is sagging everywhere and you're balding and can't even sustain a morning erection. at the end of the day, when you're old and grey, it would be nice to look back and say "i stuck with you through thick or thin, there were some close calls, but i still decided to love you, even when i think i don't feel it anymore, even if i don't feel it from you anymore. i stuck with you because many years back i made a promise to you and to your parents, to our kids, and to our foolish selves, that when the storm comes, we will weather it.

 

sorry kakapanood ko lang kasi ng "the notebook" :rolleyes:

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if it was me, i'd i say stick with the wife... there was a reason you married her, this feeling you're feeling for your mistress, was probably the same feeling you had when you asked your wife to marry you. you were smitten, deeply in love, and inseparable. and then years down the line, life happens and you experience the same magical thing again but with a different person.

 

it's not your fault, people change, feelings change, but if your mistress guarantees you a lifetime of happiness. go for it. but in life there are no guarantees. so choose wisely.

 

marriage is indeed hard work. but that's the beauty in it. when the hot sex is gone, the kids are living their lives with families of their own, you're stuck with your wife who is sagging everywhere and you're balding and can't even sustain a morning erection. at the end of the day, when you're old and grey, it would be nice to look back and say "i stuck with you through thick or thin, there were some close calls, but i still decided to love you, even when i think i don't feel it anymore, even if i don't feel it from you anymore. i stuck with you because many years back i made a promise to you and to your parents, to our kids, and to our foolish selves, that when the storm comes, we will weather it.

 

sorry kakapanood ko lang kasi ng "the notebook" :rolleyes:

 

Let me add, na lahat naman siguro ng married couples dumadating sa point na lumalabnaw passion nila sa isat isa. It is normal. But hindi naman ibig sabihin komo nawala eh di na babalik, kaya hahanapin mo na lang ito sa ibang tao,

 

Ang passion nawawala at bumabalik. Pero ang tiwala pag nasira, parang baso yan na nabasag. Hindi na ulit maayos tulad ng dati. Pagdikitdikitin mo man, masusugatan ka lang at di mo naman maibabalik pa sa dating ayos.

 

Kaya magisip mabuti

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Legal wife of course. Because she's the person who'm you've exchanged vows with.

 

So literal, kahit na guguho na ang mundo, babalik sa terminator si arnold schwarzenegger, or maging presidente si jejomar binay, dapat mong pangatawanan ang commitment mo sa kanya.

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Stay with your wife...The mistress will always be around while you still want her to be.
The wife will always be the wife no matter what.

Never make the mistress the wife, because whatever your complains are about your
wife before, it is highly probable that the mistress turned wife will be worse. Plus if
you lost interest with your wife, it is very likely you will lose interest with the mistress.

Edited by vice-versa
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first there is no right or wrong, don't bother on what other people may think or say. in the end of the day your contentment & happiness will matter most.

choose the one who will accept you for who you are no matter what & who will stay with you for a lifetime.

co'z as we get older, LOVE & FEELINGS might CHANGE..

and everything will be about COMPANIONSHIP!

just my two cents guys

remember that "The grass is always greener on the other side (of the fence).."


cheers!


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first there is no right or wrong, don't bother on what other people may think or say. at the end of the day your contentment & happiness will matter most.

choose the one who will accept you for who you are no matter what & who will stay with you for a lifetime.

co'z as we get older, LOVE & FEELINGS might CHANGE..

and everything will be about COMPANIONSHIP!

just my two cents guys

remember that "The grass is always greener on the other side (of the fence).."


cheers!

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Hala... Sorry to disagree, syempre may right and wrong Jan... You make your own choices, prioritize your happiness Pero it's crystal clear, may Mali Sa equation.

 

Choose who will accept you for who you are? Siya nga yung Hindi nag accept for who she is Kaya nga naghanap... Who will stay with you for a lifetime? Kaya nga nagpakasal Kasi Akala nya lifetime partner Na sila... Companionship? magcompanion Naman sila, Iba Lang ang gusto Nya kasama...

 

Sorry ha, mejo naloka Lang Ako Sa advice... POV ko Lang to teh ha! Hindi ako nagbabash ha.. PEACE po!

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Yeah I agree with the post above this. You can not live your live your life thinking that there is no right and wrong. Happiness can't always be your motivation for doing something or not. You gotta sacrifice things that make you happy for a greater good. Hindi pwedeng hedonism na lang lagi. Most people I know who live this way never find peace. Isa pa, mabuti kung ikaw lang masasaktan kaso ibang tao din idadamay mo eh. Kahit wala naman kinalaman sa gusot.

 

Uulitin ko lang mga sinabi ko. Ang tao kasi pag masaya, hindi na nakikinig sa katwiran. Wala ng tama o mali. Basta masaya sige lang. At sa dulo, kung kelan madami na nasaktan, kung kelan madami na nasira, saka mararamdaman yun pagsisisi. Tandaan nasa huli naman lagi ang pagsisisi eh. At habang di mo pa nararanasan yun lungkot, arogante ka lagi at feeling mo di ka aabot dun.

 

At ang kaligayahan nga, parang pera din yan. Pwedeng marami ka nyan kahit sa maling paraan mo nakukuha at pwede rin masaya ka ng konti at laging me kulang pero wala ka namang sinasaktang ibang tao. Aanhin mo ang napakadaming pera kung si Janet Napoles ka naman. I think the same thing can be said about happiness.

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