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Writings of the Heart


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So it has been close to a decade since i've been out on a proper date. Life has forced me to shun men because i know i cant get in a relationship with them.

This year is different. In finally free. Im also already 40. So while i can finally resume my life, go out and have fun, im too old now.

Still, it would be nice to be asked out on a date, go out, dress up, feel the romance. It would be nice to receive flowers again and made to feel like cherished. 

Time has passed me by. Im used to being alone. Maybe, im destined to be alone. 

While, i may be too old to find love, at least i am finally free to pursue my dreams 

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1 minute ago, Viola said:

So it has been close to a decade since i've been out on a proper date. Life has forced me to shun men because i know i cant get in a relationship with them.

This year is different. In finally free. Im also already 40. So while i can finally resume my life, go out and have fun, im too old now.

Still, it would be nice to be asked out on a date, go out, dress up, feel the romance. It would be nice to receive flowers again and made to feel like cherished. 

Time has passed me by. Im used to being alone. Maybe, im destined to be alone. 

While, i may be too old to find love, at least i am finally free to pursue my dreams 

I think it is never too young or too old to have fun....it is always within oneself and while your options maybe limited at 40 just know that there are a lot of avenues to meet a lot of people from the opposite sex.

and please do not say you are destined to be alone, life has so much to offer to you...

be well madam and live life without regrets!

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  • 2 weeks later...

What we did was wrong, but what we had was...for me, special. Not sure if you felt the same way. I'll miss you that's for sure. I guess we had end this. For me to go on the right path, and for you to find the right guy. I hope he makes you smile and treat you like the queen that you are. I hate how much I miss you right now. Then again, what's important to me is your happiness. I love you, goodbye.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Feeling down and in pain again... I'm confused on what to do.. I want to end this by asking the person a question so I can decide if I will pursue the person or start moving on.. But I don't want to lose that person. I already confessed to that person, though not personally, but did not get the response I was expecting para yun yung gagawin kong dahilan para kalimutan at i-block na siya. Ang nangyare nagback to zero and tumaas nanaman yung hopes ko na baka may chance kasi hindi ako nireject pero hindi rin naman inaacept yung confession ko.. Ang labo.. haynako.. Parang mas okay pa na hindi na siya nagreply kasi if ever that happened, plano ko is kakalimutan ko na talaga siya but that person replied at the last minute and that made my day and hopes to go up so I denied my confession and changed the topic lol.. Ang tanga ko p*ta hahaha skl

Can't imagine a future with her for now but don't want a future without her.. I need direct rejection for me to stop this kahit masakit...

Edited by InsomniacNinja
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On 8/1/2019 at 1:50 PM, sleekbabe said:

Dear You,

I've been supressing my feelings for the longest time... been hiding the reality that I am so tired of giving my all (when I know it shouldn't be that way). It hurts to know that I love you much more, than you love me. I tried my best to ignore that feeling... What's so frustrating is I am scared to tell you this and be honest with you because it always backfires... I never win in our arguments and in the end it's ALWAYS my fault... You always find your way out and never own up to your mistakes... I've given my best and I've given my all... It hurts and it saddens me that I feel that there's nothing left for me to give... I am so tired of this...

 

I hope somehow I'll find someone who will love me the way that I do...

 Natamaan ako Dito 😌

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i miss you ...

i miss your hands running through my hair as you put me to sleep

i miss you snuggling on my chest both of us not even noticing the traffic as we listen to OUR playlist on spotify

I miss you carefully toting  up the items you put in our cart when we do our groceries so we don't go over budget

I miss your cute little dance when food makes you happy

I miss you driving for me as I sleep exhausted after a long day at work

I miss the food you so carefully prepared so that  I eat on pn the road using the  car tray you so thoughtfully bought

I miss making love to you for hours and hours on end

I miss you everytime I see that superman keychain on my car keys

I miss you everytime I see a fishball cart

I miss you still.

Just to let you know .

 

 

 

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You are like a beautiful and terrible scar on my mind, my heart, my soul. An anomaly of dreams and imaginings. An ultimate fantasy that won’t go away. A fissure in the desolation of my self control. The un-Zen obliterating the calmness, the proverbial tempest in a tea cup.

I love the sparkle that describe your eyes, the radiance of them, the unbearable lightness of being they impose on me. The sun moon and stars of a universe Id like to know. All the languid pools of thought and terrible tempests of your inner self that I might discover. Such is my longing for your frontiers.

I adore the erudite sweetness of your lips, how they speak of rarified climes and vast plateaus beyond my poor imaginings. How you sing the world to me, and all the things not within my philosophy. They remind me of my exquisite ache for understanding the infinite. And more so the infinite spaces that we might traverse.

I cherish you. You make everything seem within reach. Your soul is the purity of purpose and the proof of life this world needs. The stars and flowers in your wake give eternal bloom to all. Your laughter is the only song one needs to strive for.

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The inescapable truth is that we all wish to be loved in the way we wish to be loved, and to feel moreso than material security that special feeling of belovedness. To love and be loved in the concept of a lover, not just tender loving care to caresses; not just intimacy to hot monkey loving abandon; but the feeling of the infinite- that special moment where everything stands still and the heartbeat of the universe is ours, regardless of the act or lack thereof. The moment we share that secret smile which simply says everything there is to be said. No words can convey as much as that crinkle near your mouth and the shared mirth which renders the world’s worst into nothing but stuff and nonsense. 

Edited by BRAIN FOR HIRE
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In these past few weeks I feel like a beggar. The type of beggar who moves around, walk to people asking for anything just to survive. I am tired of doing that but I don't want this feeling to die. Maybe not right now. So I will still be a beggar. But the one that only waits on the sidewalks. Waiting in silence. My phone is my can and your message is my alms. If one day I become unresponsive, please understand that you are not giving enough to keep my feelings alive.

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Just you. Just being close to you. Just hearing about how your day went. Just your humor, wit and charm. Just friendship and companionship are enough to warm me to the farthest extremities of my soul. And make me feel the sunshine, that loving fuzzy warmth full of saccharine sweetness, bursting with redolent decadence and withheld permissions. Your sweetness wins over all else, and makes me feel that yesterday is behind me and tomorrow is calling with the sweet siren call to enjoy the endless now. Just you. Just you. 

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